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If I were in your shoes, I'd definately get the abortion. Forget what your mum says, it's none of her business. No-one should bring a child into the world that they don't want.
I'd also definately show the uni your abortion papers. It's worth a shot and although I'm not sure, I reckon it could prove an adequate reason for you to fail because of stress.
EDIT: You're not "so so so stupid". This kind of thing happens all the time, accidents happen, people make mistakes.
I'd also definately show the uni your abortion papers. It's worth a shot and although I'm not sure, I reckon it could prove an adequate reason for you to fail because of stress.
EDIT: You're not "so so so stupid". This kind of thing happens all the time, accidents happen, people make mistakes.
Have the abortion ASAP. Get it over and done with and move on with your life. If you are not 100% sure on keeping the foetus then it is best not to go through with the pregnancy.
There will be people who will criticize you for this; they will insult you and label you an irresponsible coward.
But you have to think about it in the long-run. Will you really be able to study and look after a child at the same time? Are you even emotionally capable of rearing a child? Will the child be brought up in a happy family as it grows older? Is the father the man you'll spend the rest of your life with?
There are many complications that come with accepting a pregnancy, therefore, the best course of action for you may be to bring an end to what could become a possible cause of strife in the future.
The worse that could happen is that a few people will become angry with you and not forgive you for a period of time, other than that, everything will become normal just as before and you can set your mind on studying again. Just think about your future.
I suggest you DO submit any evidence of stress to your University as it is almost certain that it will help. And if not, you will lose nothing, as they cannot be prejudiced against you because they could get into a lot of trouble for doing so.
There will be people who will criticize you for this; they will insult you and label you an irresponsible coward.
But you have to think about it in the long-run. Will you really be able to study and look after a child at the same time? Are you even emotionally capable of rearing a child? Will the child be brought up in a happy family as it grows older? Is the father the man you'll spend the rest of your life with?
There are many complications that come with accepting a pregnancy, therefore, the best course of action for you may be to bring an end to what could become a possible cause of strife in the future.
The worse that could happen is that a few people will become angry with you and not forgive you for a period of time, other than that, everything will become normal just as before and you can set your mind on studying again. Just think about your future.
I suggest you DO submit any evidence of stress to your University as it is almost certain that it will help. And if not, you will lose nothing, as they cannot be prejudiced against you because they could get into a lot of trouble for doing so.
Don't let anyone influence your decision about your abortion, you have to do what's right for you, and nobody else. By all means, listen to what people have to say, but if you don't think it's the right time to have a child, then that's your decision, and you are completely entitled to go through with an abortion if that's what you really want.
I can understand why you're scared, anyone in your position would be. I'm sure that anyone who was going ahead with an abortion would feel a sense of fear, of course they would, but I wouldn't go as far to say that because you are scared of something, it means you are uncertain. It's only natural to feel scared by it, but you'll get through it, it might be difficult, but you'll get there.
Having a baby while studying doesn't have to be a bad thing, though it's usually seen that way. I have a few friends who fell pregnant when they were studying, and despite wanting to carry on with their education, they put it on hold for a year and went back to it. Just because you are having a baby doesn't mean that you have to give up on your career and education, far from it, you can go back to that at any time.
Whatever you do, make sure it's the right decision for you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but at the end of the day what's right for someone else, might not be right for you. Make sure that you are certain that having an abortion is right for you, please.
As far as university goes, I think that by letting them know about your unexpected pregnancy and the stress at home, would be reason enough to fail an exam. They have to understand that you're going through a lot right now, and may be finding it quite difficult to cope, therefore your grades will suffer. It wont harm them to let them know what has been happening, and they certainly wont treat you differently because of it. You aren't the only person in the world to have an unexpected pregnancy, you aren't the only person in the world to have stress at home, and you certainly aren't the only person to have an abortion.
Don't feel stupid about what's happened, this sort of thing happens a lot. You aren't the first person that it has happened to, and you wont be the last, many people find themselves in the same position as you.
I can understand why you're scared, anyone in your position would be. I'm sure that anyone who was going ahead with an abortion would feel a sense of fear, of course they would, but I wouldn't go as far to say that because you are scared of something, it means you are uncertain. It's only natural to feel scared by it, but you'll get through it, it might be difficult, but you'll get there.
Having a baby while studying doesn't have to be a bad thing, though it's usually seen that way. I have a few friends who fell pregnant when they were studying, and despite wanting to carry on with their education, they put it on hold for a year and went back to it. Just because you are having a baby doesn't mean that you have to give up on your career and education, far from it, you can go back to that at any time.
Whatever you do, make sure it's the right decision for you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but at the end of the day what's right for someone else, might not be right for you. Make sure that you are certain that having an abortion is right for you, please.
As far as university goes, I think that by letting them know about your unexpected pregnancy and the stress at home, would be reason enough to fail an exam. They have to understand that you're going through a lot right now, and may be finding it quite difficult to cope, therefore your grades will suffer. It wont harm them to let them know what has been happening, and they certainly wont treat you differently because of it. You aren't the only person in the world to have an unexpected pregnancy, you aren't the only person in the world to have stress at home, and you certainly aren't the only person to have an abortion.
Don't feel stupid about what's happened, this sort of thing happens a lot. You aren't the first person that it has happened to, and you wont be the last, many people find themselves in the same position as you.
I agree that an unexpected pragnancy and the stress caused by this would be recognised by the university as a factor causing stress sufficient enough to affect your exam performance. I doubt your uni would hold it against you as I'm sure this is not the first time they've seen this situation arise.
I think you should consider having the baby. Basically, you sound like you're just horribly horribly frightened - but being scared is no reason to rush into an abortion. Sit down with your parents - it sounds like they would totally support you and your child if you had the baby - just sit down with them and ask them about the options, whether they would support you time-wise, emotionally, financially, if you chose to have the baby. Go through the reasoning logically. I just don't want you making rash decisions because you're scared.
I do get where you're coming from cus I often think I might end up having one if I ever fell pregnant now (just finished first year). But anyway, have you considered perhaps having the baby but giving it up for adoption, or even have your parents adopt it? I've heard a few regretful stories from women who have had abortions, and each had their own reasons, but they all live with a certain thread of regret. I'm just thinking it might be better on your conscious to know the child is living and (hopefully) happy somewhere, or with your parents where you can still get to know him, rather than thinking back and realising you've basically got rid of a child whom you might've grown to love but can never know now.
And also, if you do choose to have your baby, you could always simply suspend a year and return the next year to finish off your degree. One of my friends suspended her second year of uni due to depression, and she's coming back this Sep to start her 2nd year again. There's no shame in that.
Anyway, by all means show your university the abortion papers. That should be reason enough. Doctor's note and all. The friend whom I mentioned - her fiance got extenuating circumstance too because of the emotional distress caused by looking after his fiancee in a time of serious clinical depression. So I really don't see why they wouldn't treat abortion as extenuating circumstance.
And it might be worth consulting your doctor for his/her best advice about your baby/abortion. No doubt your doctor would've treated enough girls to have sound advice about whether it's a good/bad idea for you to go through this too. Just seek professional and trusted advice from people you respect and trust - don't choose to abort a baby simply cus you're scared.
I do get where you're coming from cus I often think I might end up having one if I ever fell pregnant now (just finished first year). But anyway, have you considered perhaps having the baby but giving it up for adoption, or even have your parents adopt it? I've heard a few regretful stories from women who have had abortions, and each had their own reasons, but they all live with a certain thread of regret. I'm just thinking it might be better on your conscious to know the child is living and (hopefully) happy somewhere, or with your parents where you can still get to know him, rather than thinking back and realising you've basically got rid of a child whom you might've grown to love but can never know now.
And also, if you do choose to have your baby, you could always simply suspend a year and return the next year to finish off your degree. One of my friends suspended her second year of uni due to depression, and she's coming back this Sep to start her 2nd year again. There's no shame in that.
Anyway, by all means show your university the abortion papers. That should be reason enough. Doctor's note and all. The friend whom I mentioned - her fiance got extenuating circumstance too because of the emotional distress caused by looking after his fiancee in a time of serious clinical depression. So I really don't see why they wouldn't treat abortion as extenuating circumstance.
And it might be worth consulting your doctor for his/her best advice about your baby/abortion. No doubt your doctor would've treated enough girls to have sound advice about whether it's a good/bad idea for you to go through this too. Just seek professional and trusted advice from people you respect and trust - don't choose to abort a baby simply cus you're scared.
Irisng, she has obviously considered having the baby and suggesting it like that is nothing more than patronising.
Just to echo what Leona said- whatever you get will definitely count as 40% (unless extenuating circumstances). So you need less than half marks in the exam to pass the year... so if you revise then you should be fine on that one.
Good luck with everything.
Just to echo what Leona said- whatever you get will definitely count as 40% (unless extenuating circumstances). So you need less than half marks in the exam to pass the year... so if you revise then you should be fine on that one.
Good luck with everything.
I don't want to make any comment on the abortion, as that's a personal decision.
I think if you went to your tutor (or whatever they're called at your uni) and told them what's going on you'd definitely get special consideration for your exam. They're not there to judge how severe the stress is - basically any life event can be counted as mitigating circumstances and they'll take it into account. Most universities have a policy of leniency in these circumstances. In my second year I was ill and my boyfriend missed an assignment deadline - once he told the uni he was able to submit it late without any penalty, and that's when he wasn't even ill himself, so I'd imagine you'll have no trouble. Please don't put any extra pressure on yourself by worrying too much about uni - you have other bigger things to deal with. I would think that if you didn't feel up to doing the resit the uni would allow you to repeat the module or the year free of charge. You don't even have to explain the real situation, all you have to do is go to your GP and get a letter from him or her to say that you were ill and that affected your first exam and also means you are unable to take the resit. They cannot then penalise you for not being able to do it. Remember it's always possible to take a year out from uni, whether you have the baby or not, so don't grind yourself into the ground trying to make it this year, take it easy on yourself and allow yourself time to get through this period without extra stress and worry.
Good luck.
I think if you went to your tutor (or whatever they're called at your uni) and told them what's going on you'd definitely get special consideration for your exam. They're not there to judge how severe the stress is - basically any life event can be counted as mitigating circumstances and they'll take it into account. Most universities have a policy of leniency in these circumstances. In my second year I was ill and my boyfriend missed an assignment deadline - once he told the uni he was able to submit it late without any penalty, and that's when he wasn't even ill himself, so I'd imagine you'll have no trouble. Please don't put any extra pressure on yourself by worrying too much about uni - you have other bigger things to deal with. I would think that if you didn't feel up to doing the resit the uni would allow you to repeat the module or the year free of charge. You don't even have to explain the real situation, all you have to do is go to your GP and get a letter from him or her to say that you were ill and that affected your first exam and also means you are unable to take the resit. They cannot then penalise you for not being able to do it. Remember it's always possible to take a year out from uni, whether you have the baby or not, so don't grind yourself into the ground trying to make it this year, take it easy on yourself and allow yourself time to get through this period without extra stress and worry.
Good luck.
Saffie
Irisng, she has obviously considered having the baby and suggesting it like that is nothing more than patronising.
Just to echo what Leona said- whatever you get will definitely count as 40% (unless extenuating circumstances). So you need less than half marks in the exam to pass the year... so if you revise then you should be fine on that one.
Good luck with everything.
Just to echo what Leona said- whatever you get will definitely count as 40% (unless extenuating circumstances). So you need less than half marks in the exam to pass the year... so if you revise then you should be fine on that one.
Good luck with everything.
It's not patronising. Just cus I don't say "yes go have an abortion" does not make it "bad" advice. In the end, it's up to the OP, of course. But I've said my bit. If the OP feels patronised, then I apologise
I didn't mean to come across as patronising, but I don't think she has considered keeping the baby from what I gathered in her first post 
Just an impression, I guess x
PinkMobilePhone
I don't mean to put any more pressure on you, really I don't, but do you really really want the abortion?
No. No, no, no. Drop that now please.
The lass is having the abortion, she's already decided that. She's here for advice on whether to tell her parents and university, not a morality guilt trip. She's made her decision, please accept that.
You've obviously considered it carefully, and despite adversity from others have decided to go through with the abortion.
There is no shame in this, and you are doing no wrong; whatever you eventually choose to do. (even if you change your mind!) Whatever you do, remember it's your own life, and whatever choice you make, people will support you.
I'd concentrate on you first; sort out your head and stuff, and once thats done deal with the university. Drop your personal tutor an email informing him of the situation, and deal with it later. They are unlikely to stand in your way, and will allow you to treat it as a first attempt. Its not something to worry about at this stage.
One step at a time. Good luck
There is no shame in this, and you are doing no wrong; whatever you eventually choose to do. (even if you change your mind!) Whatever you do, remember it's your own life, and whatever choice you make, people will support you.
I'd concentrate on you first; sort out your head and stuff, and once thats done deal with the university. Drop your personal tutor an email informing him of the situation, and deal with it later. They are unlikely to stand in your way, and will allow you to treat it as a first attempt. Its not something to worry about at this stage.
One step at a time. Good luck
samba
You've obviously considered it carefully, and despite adversity from others have decided to go through with the abortion.
There is no shame in this, and you are doing no wrong; whatever you eventually choose to do. (even if you change your mind!) Whatever you do, remember it's your own life, and whatever choice you make, people will support you.
I'd concentrate on you first; sort out your head and stuff, and once thats done deal with the university. Drop your personal tutor an email informing him of the situation, and deal with it later. They are unlikely to stand in your way, and will allow you to treat it as a first attempt. Its not something to worry about at this stage.
One step at a time. Good luck
There is no shame in this, and you are doing no wrong; whatever you eventually choose to do. (even if you change your mind!) Whatever you do, remember it's your own life, and whatever choice you make, people will support you.
I'd concentrate on you first; sort out your head and stuff, and once thats done deal with the university. Drop your personal tutor an email informing him of the situation, and deal with it later. They are unlikely to stand in your way, and will allow you to treat it as a first attempt. Its not something to worry about at this stage.
One step at a time. Good luck
x 1000000King Hippo
No. No, no, no. Drop that now please.
The lass is having the abortion, she's already decided that. She's here for advice on whether to tell her parents and university, not a morality guilt trip. She's made her decision, please accept that.
The lass is having the abortion, she's already decided that. She's here for advice on whether to tell her parents and university, not a morality guilt trip. She's made her decision, please accept that.
PMP is alwayas trying to make herself feel better by persuading others to make the same decision she did. It's very infuriating
A change of ID name hasn't changed her attitude.
Ah right, I see. That explains the sig then.
Everyone in this thread just wants the OP to make sure that she is doing the right thing. It's not unheard of that girls have abortions out of fear or out of panic. Before making such a big decision, you have be completely sure that it's the right thing because once it's done, it's done.
I don't think PMP was trying to make the OP feel guilty about their decision, or suggest that they were making the wrong one. I think they were just trying to make sure that she has thought it through properly, and has made the right decision. There is no harm on talking about what options are available for the OP if she does happen to change her mind, it's a possibility and it's one that shouldn't be ignored.
I don't see the harm in sharing experiences, and I certainly don't see the harm in talking about either option, the last thing that anyone wants is for the OP to regret their decision. I will admit that after reading the post, I did ask the OP not to let anyone influence their decision, but if the OP has made up their mind, and is completely sure that they want to go ahead with the abortion they will, and no matter what anyone posts will change that.
I don't think PMP was trying to make the OP feel guilty about their decision, or suggest that they were making the wrong one. I think they were just trying to make sure that she has thought it through properly, and has made the right decision. There is no harm on talking about what options are available for the OP if she does happen to change her mind, it's a possibility and it's one that shouldn't be ignored.
I don't see the harm in sharing experiences, and I certainly don't see the harm in talking about either option, the last thing that anyone wants is for the OP to regret their decision. I will admit that after reading the post, I did ask the OP not to let anyone influence their decision, but if the OP has made up their mind, and is completely sure that they want to go ahead with the abortion they will, and no matter what anyone posts will change that.
one thing to remember is that university isnt like school and external exams, your tutors want to do everythig they can to help you pass, they arnt out to get you, they dont want you to fail and they will understand if you explain the situation to them. i advise telling them. also as everyones saysthe 40% issue simply means that you could get a 100% and yet only be awarded 40%
best of luckxxx
best of luckxxx
King Hippo
No. No, no, no. Drop that now please.
The lass is having the abortion, she's already decided that. She's here for advice on whether to tell her parents and university, not a morality guilt trip. She's made her decision, please accept that.
The lass is having the abortion, she's already decided that. She's here for advice on whether to tell her parents and university, not a morality guilt trip. She's made her decision, please accept that.
I agree with you
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