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Have I lead this guy on? watch

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    At work there is this guy who is about 10/15 years older than me. Ever since I started, just over 2 months ago he's alway be a bit touchy, like putting his hand on my shoulder or whole arm around my shoulder to ask how my weekend is but I never did anything like that back to him, usually I'd kind of edge away.

    Today he hugged me and just because I've known him for a while and have been talking to him a bit more over the week I hugged him back. and I think tbh he got a bit of a surprise because usually I just stand still. But then in the space of 4 hours he had grabbed my wrist twice, once to "feel how skinny I was" and once to show me something on his computer. He also then hugged me before I left, something he's never done before.

    Is this now my fault? Just because I hugged him back once? He's a really nice guy, always trying to help but Im not interested in that way at all. What do I do? What if he hugs me again? I don't want to tell him to stop being so touchy and forward because I need to work with him and don't want it to be awkward.

    And can I just say I'm 21 and he's in his 30s, its not like he's an old creepy guy in his 60s
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    No, you haven't lead him on.
    He's just got the wrong idea that's all.
    Make it clear to him that you are friends and friends only. Do you have any other boyfriends? Maybe near him you could just mention that you're meeting up with one of them. Not to make him jealous, but to suggest that you have other guy friends as well.

    Or just be overly friendly and annoying!
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    Sounds dangerously close to harassment. Tell him nicely and quietly to back off.
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    (Original post by Arkasia)
    Sounds dangerously close to harassment. Tell him nicely and quietly to back off.
    This.
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    You have done nothing wrong, he sounds really creepy to be honest. If you don't want to say anything, then every time he touches you just pull away. If he refuses to get the idea then you should ask him (if you feel comfortable) to stop touching you because it's inappropriate. For now just try backing away every time he comes close. Literally cringe if you have to, to make everyone aware that you are uncomfortable because hopefully one of your other co-workers will step in
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    (Original post by harlowberry)
    No, you haven't lead him on.
    He's just got the wrong idea that's all.
    Make it clear to him that you are friends and friends only. Do you have any other boyfriends? Maybe near him you could just mention that you're meeting up with one of them. Not to make him jealous, but to suggest that you have other guy friends as well.

    Or just be overly friendly and annoying!
    Ive actually been thinking about how I wish I did have a boyfriend and I could bring him up and then he might back off but I don't And I can't even pretend I do because I'm seriously such a bad liar
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    What you should do then is text your best friend as you would normally, but on your phone change their name to a boys name and then just make it really obvious that your texting "this guy"
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    He's testing the waters so nip it in the bud early. Chances are though it will get pretty awkward. Thought about trying to convince him another girl likes him and then try to convince her she does?
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    He has a crush on you and seems to be pushing it with you to satisfy this. It's important that you set boundaries with him so he knows what you are and aren't comfortable with. Next time he tries something politely tell him to stop it, if he tries it again..be less polite
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    Just tell him you're not much of a hugger and have only been doing it to be polite..

    Never mind about 'awkward' it's more awkward to have someone touching you up all day when you don't like it... you don't have to be majorly older than someone to be a creep. He could be your age and it would still be creepy if you didn't like it!
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    You certainly haven't lead him on. But he is clearly keen to take encouragement and the hug provided some. I would keep your distance, stiffen up again if he touches you and talk about this 22 year old guy your currently perusing. More seriously if he doesn't take the hint and he continues to touch you in a way you don't appreciate its fine to politely say you don't want to be touched and from what you describe this would put it right and not cause too much workplace tension. Perhaps he will ask you out and this would also provide an opportunity to clarify your feelings.
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    (Original post by SaraSHFB)
    Ive actually been thinking about how I wish I did have a boyfriend and I could bring him up and then he might back off but I don't And I can't even pretend I do because I'm seriously such a bad liar
    Just be honest and tell him he needs to back off, explain that you only see him as a friend.
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    (Original post by SaraSHFB)
    At work there is this guy who is about 10/15 years older than me. Ever since I started, just over 2 months ago he's alway be a bit touchy, like putting his hand on my shoulder or whole arm around my shoulder to ask how my weekend is but I never did anything like that back to him, usually I'd kind of edge away.

    Today he hugged me and just because I've known him for a while and have been talking to him a bit more over the week I hugged him back. and I think tbh he got a bit of a surprise because usually I just stand still. But then in the space of 4 hours he had grabbed my wrist twice, once to "feel how skinny I was" and once to show me something on his computer. He also then hugged me before I left, something he's never done before.

    Is this now my fault? Just because I hugged him back once? He's a really nice guy, always trying to help but Im not interested in that way at all. What do I do? What if he hugs me again? I don't want to tell him to stop being so touchy and forward because I need to work with him and don't want it to be awkward.

    And can I just say I'm 21 and he's in his 30s, its not like he's an old creepy guy in his 60s

    :lolwut:
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    Being in the workplace this could be construed as sexual harassment. You have not led him on in any way at all and it seems from the beginning he has crossed boundaries by touching you physically without consent.

    I would distance myself very quickly from him but if you have work that involves working directly with him then you may need to have a word with your manager explaining the situation. HR are trained to deal with this kind of situation very quickly and discretely and if you don't deal with it now it could become very unpleasant. It's unfortunate that it's you having to do the managing of the situation as it's his behaviour that's uncalled for but if you don't you will become quite unhappy, I'm sure. I don't think I would even have a conversation with him if he doesn't take the distancing cue from you......he could turn it around and make you feel as if you are going bonkers.

    Distance yourself and if that doesn't work then flag to your management (look up your policy and procedures for sexual harassment beforehand so you are aware of your employer's obligations when dealing with it.) The majority of men, single or married, don't behave in this manner towards their female colleagues so he's either trying his luck or getting his wires crossed, either way it's not your fault and you do not have to put up with it.

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by Bizzyqueen)
    Being in the workplace this could be construed as sexual harassment.
    Absolutely not and shame on you really for suggesting such a thing. You realize your parents probably met by your dad going up and hitting on your mum, right?
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    (Original post by SaraSHFB)
    At work there is this guy who is about 10/15 years older than me. Ever since I started, just over 2 months ago he's alway be a bit touchy, like putting his hand on my shoulder or whole arm around my shoulder to ask how my weekend is but I never did anything like that back to him, usually I'd kind of edge away.

    Today he hugged me and just because I've known him for a while and have been talking to him a bit more over the week I hugged him back. and I think tbh he got a bit of a surprise because usually I just stand still. But then in the space of 4 hours he had grabbed my wrist twice, once to "feel how skinny I was" and once to show me something on his computer. He also then hugged me before I left, something he's never done before.

    Is this now my fault? Just because I hugged him back once? He's a really nice guy, always trying to help but Im not interested in that way at all. What do I do? What if he hugs me again? I don't want to tell him to stop being so touchy and forward because I need to work with him and don't want it to be awkward.

    And can I just say I'm 21 and he's in his 30s, its not like he's an old creepy guy in his 60s
    Yes
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    (Original post by iThrow)
    Absolutely not and shame on you really for suggesting such a thing. You realize your parents probably met by your dad going up and hitting on your mum, right?

    No shame on me at all actually. Shame on you for minimising this man's unwanted attention and constantly crossing this lady's physical boundaries. Have you any idea how many people, men and women, have to deal with this kind of attention at work every day and have no idea how to handle it? It makes people ill.

    As for my parents, they met at a social occasion, he asked my mum if she wanted a dance and she said yes. Clear indication there that she wanted to interact with him in a non-work environment.

    Don't try and shame me because my opinion attacks your standards of behaviour.
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    (Original post by iThrow)
    Absolutely not and shame on you really for suggesting such a thing. You realize your parents probably met by your dad going up and hitting on your mum, right?
    Whilst I wouldn't say it is sexual harassment, at the same time she clearly is uncomfortable with him being all touchy on her.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Whilst I wouldn't say it is sexual harassment, at the same time she clearly is uncomfortable with him being all touchy on her.
    Then it's acceptable for her to tell him so. What I don't approve of was that other screeching harpy who came in here screaming it must be rape because a guy was a bit clumsy with how he approached a girl.
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    Yeah I honestly agree with some here, if he's interested in you and is trying to flirt with you that doesn't mean he's a rapist or a creepy old guy. You can't blame a guy for trying.

    If you don't feel comfortable, then voice that to him, don't accuse him though, some people are actually just really touchy people. I'm a bit touchy sometimes even with girls I see as just friends, can't help it

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