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I lost the ability to make friends, does it get better after secondary? watch

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    When I was younger and I'm talking up to the first few years of secondary I was fine at making friends, without trying. I just somehow managed to pick up a few people to hang out with like we all do. But now as everyone's getting older we've all drifted apart like people do and we just no longer have the same interests or connections anymore. I want to make new friends as my old ones just aren't my friends anymore but I just can't seem to. I've gotten so awkward over the past few years probably due to my anxiety but I just can't seem to find anybody on the same level as me. Everyone thinks I'm rather odd, due to my personality quirks.

    I'm getting lonely here and with my depression it doesn't help. When are those "life long pals" coming along?


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    I made real friends in uni by being interested in them and hearing about their life, as well as helping them with a difficult module. Just small talk didn't work for me - it was helping them and being there for them which helped a lot. I now still keep in touch with them after uni.

    Where only small talk got me "friends". We would end up not speaking to each other after we graduate.

    I'd suggest to not give up, strike up a conversation with everyone you meet and I'm sure that there's at least someone out there who will be more than happy to be your friend.

    Another thing, don't try to be someone who you really aren't. People can sniff it out pretty quickly.
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    I didn't get a secure group of good friends until this year, just be social by talking to others, listening to them maybe bond with people who are similar to you or have similar interests.
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    (Original post by SecretDuck)
    I made real friends in uni by being interested in them and hearing about their life, as well as helping them with a difficult module. Just small talk didn't work for me - it was helping them and being there for them which helped a lot. I now still keep in touch with them after uni.

    Where only small talk got me "friends". We would end up not speaking to each other after we graduate
    I kinda disagree with the first part. I find that you get some people at uni who will befriend you only because they are using you for help. Once uni is over, they won't attempt to make contact with you at all. OP should watch out for fakes like these.
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    (Original post by UWS)
    I kinda disagree with the first part. I find that you get some people at uni who will befriend you only because they are using you for help. Once uni is over, they won't attempt to make contact with you at all. OP should watch out for fakes like these.
    Don't get me wrong - they helped me with the modules that I found difficult as well. I would've ended it if they were using me.
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    Your main problem is the anxiety. With anxiety you get bottled up inside your own head. You didn't forget about how to make friends. Once you get help for anxiety and become more confident you will find friends come easily.
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    (Original post by UWS)
    I kinda disagree with the first part. I find that you get some people at uni who will befriend you only because they are using you for help. Once uni is over, they won't attempt to make contact with you at all. OP should watch out for fakes like these.
    If you are chilled this won't happen.
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    (Original post by mrahim)
    If you are chilled this won't happen.
    It has nothing to do with being chilled. Some people are *******s and want a higher grade, so some people will make friends with the smarter people and use them to help them with coursework. After the module/course is over, no more contact. How do I know this? Because I've seen it happen before, with the chilled guys as well.
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    OP I had a very similar situation. Up until year 8 i was perfectly fine at making friends and perhaps the most popular at primary school. A certain event in my life did cause a lot of anxiety and I've only had the same few old friends I've hung out with since then. College came and I was scared but also determined to make at least one new friend. I've just finished A-levels and I failed to achieve that goal For me the most important part was first impressions: You need to settle in comfortably, at least try to come across as friendly and a nice person. I did this ok however I just didn't really connect with the people in my film class and ended up just not talking to them at all. This was a bad move as it established me as "the quiet one" and even my teacher made mocking remarks about my quietness and this just made me even more awkward, depressed and anxious. Avoid establishing yourself as the quiet one at all costs! If you aren't quiet then that's a good start.
 
 
 
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