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    This is more curiosity than anything else, but basically, I'm going to be staying with a guy who I used to like, and probably still do have feelings for (haven't seen him for about 2-3yrs tho so not sure how it'll be) and have been "warned" by my mum that I shouldn't rush into anything. Which is fair enough - I'm 18, and VERY inexperienced. So it's not all that likely that I would want to rush things anyway, but one of the things that she said was that he'd respect me more if I made him wait. He lives in another country, I'll be there for a week, but he's coming over here in October as a uni exchange thing, so that's when I'd see him.
    Really what I was wondering was, is that true? DO guys really respect you more if you make them wait? I'm not worried about him getting bored and finding someone else (cos I don't really think anything will happen) I was just curious really - guys would you respect a girl more? Girls, have you had any experiences like this?
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    hell no. it'd just piss me off. do what you want when you feel ready, but don't play games and deliberately withhold sex.
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    I don't think it matters. I wouldn't respect someone more for putting off sex to gain respect, so just go with the moment.
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    I don't see how waiting is linked to respect. If it feels right go for it. If not just tell him straight away.
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    (Original post by suneilr)
    I don't see how waiting is linked to respect. If it feels right go for it. If not just tell him straight away.
    see, thats what i thought. I wouldn't play games either, thats not fair.
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    Personally I'd rather she took me upstairs the minute I walked into the house. If you both want it, you shouldn't be held back by what you think is more 'decent'. Just go for it, and have some fun!
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    Hold out! I've lost respect for female friends who just rushed into it. Never play games...it's just stupid and ****ing annoying!
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    I can see how that works. Surely if a girl is all over you and wants to sleep with you the first day you get together, they'll think you're a bit of a ****. But at the same time, that doesn't mean withold it so that they respect you. The point is you should WANT to withhold it if you have any self-respect, and that way the respect will come naturally and deservedly.
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    I'm not saying rush into anything, but once you're both ready waiting around is just pointless and really annoying.
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    Mums always say that. It was probably true in their generation but it really isn't now.

    If someone leads me on then makes me wait I consider them officially a tease, which is a horrible thing to be and I have no respect for teases. It puts me off ever wanting them at all, it's a despicable thing to be imo.
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    If a girl isn't ready to have sex then a guy needs to respect that.
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    You should have sex whenever you both feel ready. It might be a few days, months, even years.
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    Basically your mother saying he'll respect you for not rushing into things... which is pretty damn good advice imo.

    It'd save so many breakups if people didn't rush so much -.-
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    (Original post by Sambola)
    It'd save so many breakups if people didn't rush so much -.-
    Is that because everyone would die before they had a chance to get together?
    OP, just go with your gut. Though I would say be cautious, given that he'll not expect you to be that inexperienced.
    Have you kept in contact? Do you know what he looks like now? Now I'm just being nosey..
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    Your mum just wants to protect you. You should do what feels right at the time and what you're not gonna regret.
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    Mum usually knows best in most things , especially as she is looking out for ya!
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    In all honesty, when you're the guy who's getting the attention you don't lose respect for the girl (how can you? If you judge her for being easy surely you are too?).

    However, if you find out that a girl sleeps around a fair bit you do tend to lose respect for her (or at least some people, myself included, do) or view her as more of a possible bit of fun than a possible girlfriend.

    It also depends how people go about it. If it’s clear someone’s insecure and desperate for male attention to the point of sleeping with anything, then people lose respect for them, whereas if the girl toys with guys and only sleeps with good looking/intelligent/charismatic ones then they sometimes gain respect for sleeping with guys.

    There’s no hard and fast answer really. Your mum’s partially right.
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    Don't rush into things. I have been out with girls on a first date ended up sleeping with them and lost a lot of respect for them; it just comes over as easy to me.
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    (Original post by *Katie*)
    Have you kept in contact? Do you know what he looks like now? Now I'm just being nosey..
    that's ok! we weren't in contact until about 4 months ago, but have been emailing since then - he suggested that i could visit whenever i wanted and, having just finished A levels and having nothing to do, i thought a little trip might be fun. Yes, i do know what he looks like because he keeps sending me photos

    thanks for all the comments everyone, i understand that she's just looking out for me, but it seemed like a bit of an odd thing to say - if i didnt think that he respected me then i wouldnt sleep with him anyway.
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    never use sex as a weapon like your mother is really suggesting
 
 
 
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