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People always exclude me/bully me/are unkind to me. Watch

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    I'm English and work abroad at the moment as part of my studies. Everyone at work has nationality 'Z' and they speak Zeddish as their first language (I'm deliberately not mentioning their nationality because it isn't about that) and English as second. They talk to each other in their language right in front of me - when we are stood/sat in a group. At first I didn't mind - I'm in their country and it's their language. But I have no clue what is being said and they do it constantly. I learnt some of their language before I got here and I've been trying since but it is very difficult, but I am really trying. Our work is all done in English by the way, which is how I got the job and because it's in my degree subject (I'm the only university student in the workforce).

    We don't have a set dinner time, it depends on the person who is in charge each day (which changes each day on a rotational pattern). But when certain people are working, they don't even tell me it is dinner time and then I walk past and see them all eating together - they cook a meal in the staff kitchen together and don't ask if I would like some or to sit with them. And then they sit and speak Zeddish. I know a couple of them actually hate English people but none of the others (about 20 staff) have ever expressed this and they seem okay.

    They also organise trips and don't invite me. Today I found out there is a night for drinks next week. One colleague asked another if they were going - right in front of me in my language, then didn't ask me. They also leave me to do tasks alone whilst they go to smoke, drink coffee or work in a team on other things...without me.

    As much as it sounds it, I don't think this is racism. I've never experienced it before since I've only ever worked in the UK. Maybe there is an element of racism but I don't think it's 100%. I think they just don't like me.

    I'm a nice person and I'm never rude or unkind. People have been like this with me since school (in England) so when I left school I thought it was other people being unkind. But now I wonder if something is wrong with the way I interact with people because everywhere I go people exclude me and this is the worst it's happened.

    Does this happen to other people, how do you cope with it and why do people seem to inherently dislike me?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm English and work abroad at the moment as part of my studies. Everyone at work has nationality 'Z' and they speak Zeddish as their first language (I'm deliberately not mentioning their nationality because it isn't about that) and English as second. They talk to each other in their language right in front of me - when we are stood/sat in a group. At first I didn't mind - I'm in their country and it's their language. But I have no clue what is being said and they do it constantly. I learnt some of their language before I got here and I've been trying since but it is very difficult, but I am really trying. Our work is all done in English by the way, which is how I got the job and because it's in my degree subject (I'm the only university student in the workforce).

    We don't have a set dinner time, it depends on the person who is in charge each day (which changes each day on a rotational pattern). But when certain people are working, they don't even tell me it is dinner time and then I walk past and see them all eating together - they cook a meal in the staff kitchen together and don't ask if I would like some or to sit with them. And then they sit and speak Zeddish. I know a couple of them actually hate English people but none of the others (about 20 staff) have ever expressed this and they seem okay.

    They also organise trips and don't invite me. Today I found out there is a night for drinks next week. One colleague asked another if they were going - right in front of me in my language, then didn't ask me. They also leave me to do tasks alone whilst they go to smoke, drink coffee or work in a team on other things...without me.

    As much as it sounds it, I don't think this is racism. I've never experienced it before since I've only ever worked in the UK. Maybe there is an element of racism but I don't think it's 100%. I think they just don't like me.

    I'm a nice person and I'm never rude or unkind. People have been like this with me since school (in England) so when I left school I thought it was other people being unkind. But now I wonder if something is wrong with the way I interact with people because everywhere I go people exclude me and this is the worst it's happened.

    Does this happen to other people, how do you cope with it and why do people seem to inherently dislike me?
    That sounds like a really difficult atmosphere to be working on and I would go as far to describe some of what you are talking about as bullying. Is there anyone that you feel close to that you could talk to and get to know better and then maybe they could get you more involved in the group?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm English and work abroad at the moment as part of my studies. Everyone at work has nationality 'Z' and they speak Zeddish as their first language (I'm deliberately not mentioning their nationality because it isn't about that) and English as second. They talk to each other in their language right in front of me - when we are stood/sat in a group. At first I didn't mind - I'm in their country and it's their language. But I have no clue what is being said and they do it constantly. I learnt some of their language before I got here and I've been trying since but it is very difficult, but I am really trying. Our work is all done in English by the way, which is how I got the job and because it's in my degree subject (I'm the only university student in the workforce).

    We don't have a set dinner time, it depends on the person who is in charge each day (which changes each day on a rotational pattern). But when certain people are working, they don't even tell me it is dinner time and then I walk past and see them all eating together - they cook a meal in the staff kitchen together and don't ask if I would like some or to sit with them. And then they sit and speak Zeddish. I know a couple of them actually hate English people but none of the others (about 20 staff) have ever expressed this and they seem okay.

    They also organise trips and don't invite me. Today I found out there is a night for drinks next week. One colleague asked another if they were going - right in front of me in my language, then didn't ask me. They also leave me to do tasks alone whilst they go to smoke, drink coffee or work in a team on other things...without me.

    As much as it sounds it, I don't think this is racism. I've never experienced it before since I've only ever worked in the UK. Maybe there is an element of racism but I don't think it's 100%. I think they just don't like me.

    I'm a nice person and I'm never rude or unkind. People have been like this with me since school (in England) so when I left school I thought it was other people being unkind. But now I wonder if something is wrong with the way I interact with people because everywhere I go people exclude me and this is the worst it's happened.

    Does this happen to other people, how do you cope with it and why do people seem to inherently dislike me?
    Well if you are in Z, you'd expect them to be all speaking Z. Think, if you were in England, you'd expect to be speaking in English to your English friends, colleagues - anything else seems weird.

    I think part of what you're going through is the infamous, 'culture shock'. Being in a place where they do things differently.

    In this situation you really have to take the initiative to be friendly. As much as you are feeling awkward and insecure, so are they. They are probably finding you very difficult to read and understand ie you don't act as they would expect you to. They probably think you are a bit standoffish or that you want to be alone.

    You don't say how long you have been there but in some countries ( maybe most) you need to know people for quite a long time before you become familiar with them. The English / British are very free and easy in their everyday relationships unlike most other nationalities.

    I remember when I lived in Europe it took about 3-4 months before the people I worked with , began to take me for granted ie included me automatically in everything. You can speed up this by taking the initiative - say bringing biscuits in to thank them for helping you or something. You have to be aware that in many cultures they will feel belittled if you offer something without it being understood that you are reciprocating. You could ask them to help you with your pronunciation eg ( see below); that would be an appropriate ask and not make it seem as if you are condescending to them.

    You need to say something complimentary about their language ( it's so beautiful to the ear / so expressive etc.) about their country ( it's so welcoming, has such a lovely climate, scenery etc.) If by any chance the country you are in has had a colonial / chequered past with the UK extra tact is required.

    Bring photos of your family in. your home town etc. to show after you have asked about their families. Above all, smile as you go into the office each day and say hello, preferably in their language, making an effort to say something more the next day and so on. Keep smiling even though you don't feel like it.

    You need to prioritise learning the language- important because you will be showing you value their country and therefore them and because it is an opportunity you must not miss to learn something that will benefit you for the rest of your life. It's also an easy way of breaking the ice - asking them how to say----in their language. You need to have a small vocabulary book with you at all times so you can note down what they say.

    Any future employer , knowing you have lived abroad , will ask you if you speak the language. If you say yes - they will be impressed, note you down as someone who can adapt , can be used in the future.... no, and you are advertising the fact that you didn't cope well, you couldn't be bothered to forge proper relationships.

    Good luck..
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    (Original post by pickup)
    Well if you are in Z, you'd expect them to be all speaking Z. Think, if you were in England, you'd expect to be speaking in English to your English friends, colleagues - anything else seems weird.

    I think part of what you're going through is the infamous, 'culture shock'. Being in a place where they do things differently.

    In this situation you really have to take the initiative to be friendly. As much as you are feeling awkward and insecure, so are they. They are probably finding you very difficult to read and understand ie you don't act as they would expect you to. They probably think you are a bit standoffish or that you want to be alone.

    You don't say how long you have been there but in some countries ( maybe most) you need to know people for quite a long time before you become familiar with them. The English / British are very free and easy in their everyday relationships unlike most other nationalities.

    I remember when I lived in Europe it took about 3-4 months before the people I worked with , began to take me for granted ie included me automatically in everything. You can speed up this by taking the initiative - say bringing biscuits in to thank them for helping you or something. You have to be aware that in many cultures they will feel belittled if you offer something without it being understood that you are reciprocating. You could ask them to help you with your pronunciation eg ( see below); that would be an appropriate ask and not make it seem as if you are condescending to them.

    You need to say something complimentary about their language ( it's so beautiful to the ear / so expressive etc.) about their country ( it's so welcoming, has such a lovely climate, scenery etc.) If by any chance the country you are in has had a colonial / chequered past with the UK extra tact is required.

    Bring photos of your family in. your home town etc. to show after you have asked about their families. Above all, smile as you go into the office each day and say hello, preferably in their language, making an effort to say something more the next day and so on. Keep smiling even though you don't feel like it.

    You need to prioritise learning the language- important because you will be showing you value their country and therefore them and because it is an opportunity you must not miss to learn something that will benefit you for the rest of your life. It's also an easy way of breaking the ice - asking them how to say----in their language. You need to have a small vocabulary book with you at all times so you can note down what they say.

    Any future employer , knowing you have lived abroad , will ask you if you speak the language. If you say yes - they will be impressed, note you down as someone who can adapt , can be used in the future.... no, and you are advertising the fact that you didn't cope well, you couldn't be bothered to forge proper relationships.

    Good luck..
    Thanks. Just to say, I can write in their language, I can say greetings, ask basic questions and have a basic conversation. I cannot have a full blown conversation but I do understand parts and although I'm not proficient, I wouldn't say I had an elementary understanding. Also, I very much understand your first sentence - that's been obvious to me from the outset. But this is going beyond language and culture, this feels like I'm being deliberately excluded regardless and it's not the first time in my life. I feel invisible.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm English and work abroad at the moment as part of my studies. Everyone at work has nationality 'Z' and they speak Zeddish as their first language (I'm deliberately not mentioning their nationality because it isn't about that)
    It isn't about that? Mate, if you're in frog country, or even eastern Europe, don't expect them to fall in love with the British. People across the world generally do not like the British. (we don't make it easy for them with our Tourism, but it's mostly jealously and competitiveness). It IS about that. So I'm not going to help you with anything until you drop the stupid pretense of knowing what it is and isn't about while at the same time asking advice. Either you're giving me advice, or I'm giving it to you matey. Make your mind up. It is about that, and you're wrong as well as cocky. No help from me until you drop the attitude and tell me which nation they're from.
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    (Original post by pickup)
    Well if you are in Z, you'd expect them to be all speaking Z. Think, if you were in England, you'd expect to be speaking in English to your English friends, colleagues - anything else seems weird.
    You're clearly emotionally stunted or autistic. Don't give anybody advice on anything until you've cured this. He's talking about an unnatural level of inhospitability. Clearly. But clearly I need to spell it out for you so please, don't spread ignorance to anybody else until you learn to read between the lines stupid. Jesus Christ....the people on here.....it's almost like they've been born yesterday (Oh wait....hahahahaha)
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    (Original post by Philosopher77)
    You're clearly emotionally stunted or autistic. Don't give anybody advice on anything until you've cured this. He's talking about an unnatural level of inhospitability. Clearly. But clearly I need to spell it out for you so please, don't spread ignorance to anybody else until you learn to read between the lines stupid. Jesus Christ....the people on here.....it's almost like they've been born yesterday (Oh wait....hahahahaha)
    You are vile.
 
 
 
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