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i need a fresh start.. but it's too late :/ so depressed. Watch

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    You are probably around age 20, so think to yourself what so you want to be! Then put in the effort its not too late
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    (Original post by SuperHuman98)
    You are probably around age 20, so think to yourself what so you want to be! Then put in the effort its not too late
    i'm 22

    i feel as though it's too late. everyone already has their own group of friends.
    i don't think i'll ever have any real friends tbh
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    (Original post by boredasf)
    I just can't stand being at home anymore. my parents won't even allow me to go to a different city for my masters. All my mum ever bangs on about is marriage and it really pisses me off. she says if i want freedom then i should get married.... i hate this stupid Pakistani mentality!
    This is your problem.

    You're a Western girl being brought up by Pakistani 'values'.

    You need to move out, and get a student loan to do your masters instead of relying on your parents. Money is the only thing stopping you from doing this.

    Unless you break away, your whole life will be like this, and then you'll get married and your new husband will oppress you just as your father has.
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    (Original post by Smonnie)
    This is your problem.

    You're a Western girl being brought up by Pakistani 'values'.

    You need to move out, and get a student loan to do your masters instead of relying on your parents. Money is the only thing stopping you from doing this.

    Unless you break away, your whole life will be like this, and then you'll get married and your new husband will oppress you just as your father has.
    i wish i could move out, but my parents would never let me. at the same time i don't want to upset them :/

    tbh my parents aren't as strict as other pakistani parents.. my mum was brought up here; she was educated in this country, had white friends etc. So my family aren't really traditional Pakistanis, it's more to do with my mum becoming more religious. she never used to be religious herself, so i wish she'd let me live my life and let me learn from my mistakes.

    pakistanis take religion to another level!
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    (Original post by boredasf)
    i wish i could move out, but my parents would never let me. at the same time i don't want to upset them :/

    tbh my parents aren't as strict as other pakistani parents.. my mum was brought up here; she was educated in this country, had white friends etc. So my family aren't really traditional Pakistanis, it's more to do with my mum becoming more religious. she never used to be religious herself, so i wish she'd let me live my life and let me learn from my mistakes.

    pakistanis take religion to another level!
    Let you?

    You're 22.

    You're choosing to stay in this situation.
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    (Original post by Smonnie)
    Let you?

    You're 22.

    You're choosing to stay in this situation.
    you don't understand.
    it's not easy as a Pakistani Muslim girl to just move out of your parents house. we are expected to live with out parents until we're married...

    life sucks.
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    Leave home.

    You will have to do this at some point, and you clearly have 'outgrown' being fussed over and told what to do. Now is the time to move out. I appreciate you come from a muslim family and therefore this may be more difficult for you than others, so plan carefully and involve your family in your decision. Talk to your Uni Accommodation Office - is there any chance of a room in Halls for a 3rd year? Often there are 'resident jobs' for older students and/or they may take your home situation or your sense of loneliness into account. 'Being in Halls' might pacify your family (ie. 'safe') and be a good half-way to really leaving home once you graduate.
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    (Original post by boredasf)
    you don't understand.
    it's not easy as a Pakistani Muslim girl to just move out of your parents house. we are expected to live with out parents until we're married...

    life sucks.
    I know that it's difficult and that there are a number of invisible chains holding you back but if you really want to change your life, you need to defy these expectations. If you chose to take out a loan and move out, would they physically stop you? If not then do it! In most cases parents will come to realise that they cannot force their children to be who they want them to be and will get over the disappointment.
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    (Original post by WBZ144)
    I know that it's difficult and that there are a number of invisible chains holding you back but if you really want to change your life, you need to defy these expectations. If you chose to take out a loan and move out, would they physically stop you? If not then do it! In most cases parents will come to realise that they cannot force their children to be who they want them to be and will get over the disappointment.
    i have older sisters, and i know they would not be supportive of me moving out. i do think that they would stop me :/

    the problem is that my parents, especially my mum, don't trust me. i wore a headscarf for about 10 years of my life, and i recently decided to take it off. obviously my family were confused at my decision. my mum said she doesn't trust me, she thinks i associate with the wrong people.
    one of my older sisters doesn't even think i'm a muslim -__-
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    (Original post by returnmigrant)
    Leave home.

    You will have to do this at some point, and you clearly have 'outgrown' being fussed over and told what to do. Now is the time to move out. I appreciate you come from a muslim family and therefore this may be more difficult for you than others, so plan carefully and involve your family in your decision. Talk to your Uni Accommodation Office - is there any chance of a room in Halls for a 3rd year? Often there are 'resident jobs' for older students and/or they may take your home situation or your sense of loneliness into account. 'Being in Halls' might pacify your family (ie. 'safe' and be a good half-way to really leaving home once you graduate.
    i live about 5/10 mins away from uni, so there's no point wasting money on accommodation :/

    i just wish my parents would let me study in a different city. but they won't let me because they don't trust me
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    (Original post by boredasf)
    i live about 5/10 mins away from uni, so there's no point wasting money on accommodation :/

    i just wish my parents would let me study in a different city. but they won't let me because they don't trust me
    If you study in a different city then you will need one. Believe me, if this is making you feel crap then just do it. Move, get a job and a loan to cover everything, don't think about what your family thinks. They might not agree at first but you'll come to an understanding eventually.

    I was in a similar situation just for slightly different reasons. I'm usually very kind, gentle and patient person but enough was enough. It had come to a point where I started neglecting myself just to avoid certain things. So I took the chance and moved out. Wasn't easy and made the relationship even harder but just after one week of being away I felt much better, started taking care of myself.

    A few months later started talking again and it's pretty much normal now. But I wouldn't go back if I had the choice

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    You're 22, you don't need your parents' permission. If you let them control you then they will always have control of you. Do whatever makes you happy, even if that means going to another to city to do your masters.
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    Wish you all the best
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    You're beyond help at this stage because of your refusal to see that you are an adult who can make your own decisions.

    As a result, you are still talking about not having your parents' permission to do things.
    I appreciate that they won't like it if you moved out, but it is them that would have to deal with it.

    I have had the same frustrating conversation before with one of my friends, and she was the same as you - complaining that she was mistreated, but steadfastly refusing to do anything about it.
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    (Original post by Smonnie)
    You're beyond help at this stage because of your refusal to see that you are an adult who can make your own decisions.

    As a result, you are still talking about not having your parents' permission to do things.
    I appreciate that they won't like it if you moved out, but it is them that would have to deal with it.

    I have had the same frustrating conversation before with one of my friends, and she was the same as you - complaining that she was mistreated, but steadfastly refusing to do anything about it.
    but it's a lot easier said than done
    you don't understand because you don't know what it's like to be brought up by a pakistani muslim family. usually in western families kids move out by the age of 18/19.. it's not like that in asian families.
    it's hard to explain..
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    (Original post by boredasf)
    but it's a lot easier said than done
    you don't understand because you don't know what it's like to be brought up by a pakistani muslim family. usually in western families kids move out by the age of 18/19.. it's not like that in asian families.
    it's hard to explain..
    I know there are expectations but I also know that unless you 'disobey' them now you will be stuck.
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    It's not too late. If you can't go to a new city then try and do your last year at a different uní in the city you live in or an area nearby the city you live in. Use clearing and adjustment, it's worth a try if you don't want to be stuck there for another year.

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    (Original post by samzy21)
    then try and do your last year at a different uní in the city you live in or an area nearby the city you live in. Use clearing and adjustment, it's worth a try if you don't want to be stuck there for another year.
    This isnt actually possible. No Uni will accept anyone transferring just for the final year of a degree.

    However, going to another Uni for postgraduate would be possible.
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    You have 2 options.

    - Continue to be unhappy and complain about your situation.

    -Change your situation and hopefully have a happier future.


    You can make as many excuses as you want about your parents not "letting you" move out, or do this or do that. But in the end, you are choosing to live by their rules despite being an adult who is more than capable of making decisions for herself.

    Yes it will be difficult, and yes it may cause some fights and tension in the family. But you're already miserable so what does that matter? Unless you're at risk of being harmed by your family, I think you need to stop making excuses for their behaviour and for your choice to stay there and move on. It may come to the point where you have to choose between your family and your life, happiness and future. And that is a decision only you can make. But the point still stands that it is entirely your decision.
 
 
 
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