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    I'm going into my final year at uni this September and I've not made a single proper friend. *I have a small group of people that I sit with in lectures, but outside of lectures they show no interest in me. *The one person that did, who I was living with this year and planned to live with next year, has dropped out of uni. *This means I'll now be living alone.

    I'm now not sure whether I should just try to get through this final year without any friends, or to make one final big effort so my final year is a bit more enjoyable. * Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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    Join societies, that's what I did and that's how I met one of my closest friends in final year
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm going into my final year at uni this September and I've not made a single proper friend. *I have a small group of people that I sit with in lectures, but outside of lectures they show no interest in me. *The one person that did, who I was living with this year and planned to live with next year, has dropped out of uni. *This means I'll now be living alone.

    I'm now not sure whether I should just try to get through this final year without any friends, or to make one final big effort so my final year is a bit more enjoyable. * Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
    OP, I wouldn't worry if I were you OP. Any friends you made at Uni will not stay in contact with you after Uni. They will all be busy with their lives anyways.


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    I am basically in the same situation except I have no one to even sit with next year becasue my only 'friend' is going on a year abroad. Completely dreading third year and I don't know what to do because I doubt I'm going to form new friendships with people I've 'known' for two years who have already established their own friendships. I feel during my whole uni experience I've just been a bit unlucky, because I know people who have made their close friends on their course or in general from attending different events and it just never happened for me. It just makes me regret my decision to attend the university im at and also feel like the university experience is extremely overrated.
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    Make an effort. It either happens or not. Dont sacrifice your final degree grade.
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    To both posters, is it too late to change unis? Start afresh somewhere different ?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am basically in the same situation except I have no one to even sit with next year becasue my only 'friend' is going on a year abroad. Completely dreading third year and I don't know what to do because I doubt I'm going to form new friendships with people I've 'known' for two years who have already established their own friendships. I feel during my whole uni experience I've just been a bit unlucky, because I know people who have made their close friends on their course or in general from attending different events and it just never happened for me. It just makes me regret my decision to attend the university im at and also feel like the university experience is extremely overrated.
    To both posters; is it too late to apply to another Uni? Start afresh somewhere new?
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    I learned the hard way that uni is full of fake, two-faced, self-centred people who you really don't need in your life. People take friendships for granted and don't appreciate you properly unless you drink and get ****-faced every night of the week. Cut them all loose and start afresh in your final year but don't give up on your degree just because of what other people are doing. You're not at uni to make friends - you're there to improve your own life and career prospects. People come and go but only a very small minority of the friends you make at uni will be genuine, supportive and loyal. Those are the people you need to watch out for, who you need to stick with and who will be your real friends. It's only at hard times like this that you find out who your real friends are. I spent 4 years at uni with a large circle of friends but failed my course and left with only 4 people for support. I was hurt badly so wherever I go now, I'm not interested in making more friends. I'm only interested in working hard to get a degree so I can move on and do what I want with my life instead of having other people dictate what I should be doing or feeling. I suggest you do the same and only focus on yourself from now on.
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    (Original post by markova21)
    To both posters, is it too late to change unis? Start afresh somewhere different ?
    Not really I've got one year left possible two if I transfer to the integrated which at heart I want to do but because of the situation I'm in I probably won't because I can't bear another year with people who don't really care for me or without anyone I can call a proper friend. My life sucks.


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    (Original post by anita-573)
    Not really I've got one year left possible two if I transfer to the integrated which at heart I want to do but because of the situation I'm in I probably won't because I can't bear another year with people who don't really care for me or without anyone I can call a proper friend. My life sucks.


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    OMG I'm so sorry to hear that. Just bear in mind then that it won't be forever. x
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    (Original post by asif007)
    I learned the hard way that uni is full of fake, two-faced, self-centred people who you really don't need in your life. People take friendships for granted and don't appreciate you properly unless you drink and get ****-faced every night of the week. Cut them all loose and start afresh in your final year but don't give up on your degree just because of what other people are doing. You're not at uni to make friends - you're there to improve your own life and career prospects. People come and go but only a very small minority of the friends you make at uni will be genuine, supportive and loyal. Those are the people you need to watch out for, who you need to stick with and who will be your real friends. It's only at hard times like this that you find out who your real friends are. I spent 4 years at uni with a large circle of friends but failed my course and left with only 4 people for support. I was hurt badly so wherever I go now, I'm not interested in making more friends. I'm only interested in working hard to get a degree so I can move on and do what I want with my life instead of having other people dictate what I should be doing or feeling. I suggest you do the same and only focus on yourself from now on.
    Thanks for the advice, it just gets really hard and draining mentally to see everybody else having such a great time and you're not, or when people have there group of course friends and your off in the corner alone.


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    (Original post by anita-573)
    Thanks for the advice, it just gets really hard and draining mentally to see everybody else having such a great time and you're not, or when people have there group of course friends and your off in the corner alone.


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    I know it's hard, but at times like this I suggest you learn how to be comfortable with and enjoy your own company. I'm an only child so I had no problem with it, but if people don't treat you better then you should just cut them loose. Delete their numbers, their FB profiles etc and let people come to you. If they don't, **** them - they only serve to remind you who your closest friends are and who will be there when you need them. People at uni prioritise alcohol over everything else. Alcohol is king and nothing else matters - no one makes an effort to include people who don't drink so all your efforts are wasted on ignorant people. The last thing I expected was for people to treat me like a wallflower or a nobody when I was always very sociable, outgoing, meeting new people and making lots of friends despite the fact I don't drink. I was part of lots of societies too. But there's not a lot you can do when the problem is bigger than just yourself. All you should do now is focus on yourself - eat well, sleep, exercise, travel, study hard and get a good degree. People will come back to you when they need something, and that's when you can choose to avenge or forgive and forget. The way I see it with all those two-faced people I used to call my friends: **** them and I hope they rot. All I need is myself. Having that kind of mindset protects you from being hurt again and will help you better identify genuine people when they come to you.
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    asif007 Such a harsh attitude to take. Tbh I'm dreading the thought of possibly moving out for Uni and I don't drink or go clubbing. So I'd probably be met with the same problems. But people like that sound toxic. Here's the naïve me thinking those people thin out at Uni.
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    Friends you make at university WILL NOT matter, after you graduate.

    Remember secondary school friends, how many are you in touch with?

    DON'T sacrifice your degree because you don't have friends, make sure you get a 2:1 or 1st. Continue to the integrated masters! Remember the main reason you came to university, to get an education. It's your final year of your degree, get a good mark. Friends come and go, your degree will be there with you for LIFE. Everyone after graduation will get busy with their job/work or doing masters, no one will have for the friends they made at "university".

    Just focus on your degree.

    If possible, consider commuting? If not just try student accommodation at university ☺️
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    (Original post by Carrot_Cake_13)
    asif007 Such a harsh attitude to take. Tbh I'm dreading the thought of possibly moving out for Uni and I don't drink or go clubbing. So I'd probably be met with the same problems. But people like that sound toxic. Here's the naïve me thinking those people thin out at Uni.
    It might sound harsh, but it protects your own feelings/sanity and stops you getting hurt again. Obviously I wouldn't encourage starting uni with this mindset straight off the bat, but it helps to make an effort with people regardless of what you get in return. Pretty soon you'll be able to tell whether people appreciate you or take you for granted. Then you can either move on and stick with the people who are actually loyal and supportive, or you can get fed up like I did. It's just a shame it took me 4 years and failing my course to finally realise who my real friends are and how everyone else is so shallow and self-centred. With regards to the alcohol - if you're in one of the major cities like London or Birmingham, you don't need to worry. Bigger cities and bigger uni's have more open-minded people with different interests and who will make an effort to include those who don't drink. If you go to a smaller regional city and/or one with a majority white population where everything is about alcohol, you might struggle. Being an ethnic minority doesn't help either TBH. But like I said above, it helps to be comfortable with your own company and enjoy doing things on your own when people don't reciprocate your efforts. It's a shame uni can be like this for some people when everyone else is off having a great time with friends, relationships, holidays etc, but what can you do. The problem is with all those people who don't know how to treat people nicely without alcohol. It has nothing to do with us.
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    (Original post by Ishax)
    Friends you make at university WILL NOT matter, after you graduate.

    Remember secondary school friends, how many are you in touch with?

    DON'T sacrifice your degree because you don't have friends, make sure you get a 2:1 or 1st. Continue to the integrated masters! Remember the main reason you came to university, to get an education. It's your final year of your degree, get a good mark. Friends come and go, your degree will be there with you for LIFE. Everyone after graduation will get busy with their job/work or doing masters, no one will have for the friends they made at "university".

    Just focus on your degree.

    If possible, consider commuting? If not just try student accommodation at university ☺️
    I'm in touch with more people from secondary school and college in my home city than I am with friends I made at uni. Even though these people I used to call my friends live within walking distance from me, I see and talk to them less than people in my home city, despite the fact I don't visit very often. People I worked and socialised with every day for 4 years at uni have ignored me, whereas the people I barely see any more are the ones who make more effort to catch up and talk to me. I think you'll find it depends on which place you like more and feel more at home in - your uni city or your home city. For some people like us, uni isn't all a bed of roses. It's a nightmare, hence we prefer our home towns. Having no support and having people gossip about you behind your back can actually make it very difficult for someone to focus on their degree.
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    (Original post by anita-573)
    Thanks for the advice, it just gets really hard and draining mentally to see everybody else having such a great time and you're not, or when people have there group of course friends and your off in the corner alone.


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    Well, you have to do something about it and make the first move even if they shut you out just keep trying with other groups of people because no one is going to come to you so you must go to them
    I know it's hard to do that but it's better than doing nothing and being alone and you definitely should not leave that uni just for that reason because suppose it's worse at another uni or exactly the same thing happens?
    Look for other people who look lonely and have no friends or try going up to smaller groups of people or if you just saw 2 people hanging out together but you have to tell them you have no friends and ask to join their group because if you just engage in small talk they might not get the message and ignore you the next time they see you like those other people do or try to form your own group when you approach just one person who's alone or join a society like that other bloke wrote or form your own society for people who have no friends by advertising it on a noticeboard at uni and this is the same advice for anyone who is alone at uni
    If you see anyone else in a corner alone they are easier to approach then its not so hard to talk to them, maybe some people will be glad that you did, but all you can do is try so you have nothing to lose

    I recently met someone who had the balls to approach me on the street, although it was to ask me on a date but after one date i told him i'd prefer to be just friends which he agreed to because he has none so now i've made a new friend.
    So my point is this, if this bloke had not had the balls to approach me he would still be alone with no mates so whether you want a boyfriend/girlfriend or just
    friends you have to be brave and make the first move and approach other people
    Look out for anyone else you see who is always alone because they are in the same situation as you but too scared to approach anyone so they will always be alone because they were too scared to make the first move too

    I've made a great new friend, we text or ring each other a lot and plan to meet up doing lots of interesting stuff. All my old female friends are boring and never want to go out so if he had not approached me i'd be stuck at home alone and bored so it's great i've met someone who is spontaneous and actually wants to go out and do interesting things. I have another male friend who has no other friends so this new bloke was really excited when i told him i'd introduce him to my male friend and we can all meet up together
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    (Original post by asif007)
    I'm in touch with more people from secondary school and college in my home city than I am with friends I made at uni. Even though these people I used to call my friends live within walking distance from me, I see and talk to them less than people in my home city, despite the fact I don't visit very often. People I worked and socialised with every day for 4 years at uni have ignored me, whereas the people I barely see any more are the ones who make more effort to catch up and talk to me. I think you'll find it depends on which place you like more and feel more at home in - your uni city or your home city. For some people like us, uni isn't all a bed of roses. It's a nightmare, hence we prefer our home towns. Having no support and having people gossip about you behind your back can actually make it very difficult for someone to focus on their degree.
    Some people can be so mean to just ignore someone like that. If you were that depressed at uni, I would have perhaps suggested commuting or transferring universities near to where you live. At least that way you could have seen more of your old friends I guess. I just think OP has spent two years at university and student finance. Third year is going to be very hard, it'll all be over in a matter of months. Might be too late for the OP to transfer universities aswell.

    I commute to university so I haven't experienced this problem so far.
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    (Original post by asif007)
    It might sound harsh, but it protects your own feelings/sanity and stops you getting hurt again. Obviously I wouldn't encourage starting uni with this mindset straight off the bat, but it helps to make an effort with people regardless of what you get in return. Pretty soon you'll be able to tell whether people appreciate you or take you for granted. Then you can either move on and stick with the people who are actually loyal and supportive, or you can get fed up like I did. It's just a shame it took me 4 years and failing my course to finally realise who my real friends are and how everyone else is so shallow and self-centred. With regards to the alcohol - if you're in one of the major cities like London or Birmingham, you don't need to worry. Bigger cities and bigger uni's have more open-minded people with different interests and who will make an effort to include those who don't drink. If you go to a smaller regional city and/or one with a majority white population where everything is about alcohol, you might struggle. Being an ethnic minority doesn't help either TBH. But like I said above, it helps to be comfortable with your own company and enjoy doing things on your own when people don't reciprocate your efforts. It's a shame uni can be like this for some people when everyone else is off having a great time with friends, relationships, holidays etc, but what can you do. The problem is with all those people who don't know how to treat people nicely without alcohol. It has nothing to do with us.
    I am part of an ethnic minority so from the outside looking in everybody around you is basically the same when it comes to their interests as you mentioned and only used to being around/ friends with people who look like them all their lives. The complete opposite for me. There is no diversity whatsoever within the people on my course, it's hard to connect with someone who would never see you as a potential friend in the first place. I'm not being bitter, I've actually experienced this and being treated differently just because I'm not white. There was a few people on my course who lived in my accommodation block (first year) and even though they knew I was also on the same course I just wasn't included. I'd never felt so unwelcome amongst new people in my whole life, there is absolutely no sense of community at university I feel. Anyway I've taken on everything and I'm feeling better and I'm going to just do what's right for me.



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    (Original post by Ishax)
    Some people can be so mean to just ignore someone like that. If you were that depressed at uni, I would have perhaps suggested commuting or transferring universities near to where you live. At least that way you could have seen more of your old friends I guess. I just think OP has spent two years at university and student finance. Third year is going to be very hard, it'll all be over in a matter of months. Might be too late for the OP to transfer universities aswell.

    I commute to university so I haven't experienced this problem so far.
    I actually had a great time at uni and was never depressed despite knowing (reluctantly) that people didn't return my efforts. I wasn't bothered about living in a **** city back then cos I was still studying and had a degree to focus on, as well as working towards my wish to move back to my home city (London) after I graduate. The problem I have is that I was forced to stay in my uni city for another year after I failed my course - unemployed, doing nothing and unable to get away. Basically my parents moved abroad 2 years back so I don't have a home in this country any more, and they didn't let me move to stay with them after I failed my course. Where I am now is just a place to sleep - it's not a "home away from home" or any of that other BS that people come up with. It's **** and I hate it. So when I leave in 2 weeks (finally, 14 months late FFS) I am never ever coming back. I say to everyone I know that I hope I die before I ever come back here again. I would have been healthy, happy and comfortable if I hadn't been emotionally blackmailed into staying here again and was allowed to go back to London where my friends are. Getting over what happened to me at uni would have been much easier too. But sometimes even your own parents just want to leave you in the **** because it suits them. That's how it is in Asian families - they support you while you are successful (even though they don't give any encouragement) but as soon as something goes wrong, they want nothing to do with you. They offer no support, tell you to just deal with your problems by yourself and, in the process, actually make it much harder for you to recover.

    I did consider transferring uni but I was doing Medicine so that wasn't allowed. Right now I'm not allowed to finish Medicine in the UK either, so I'll have to go abroad. I guess it's my fault for not getting a place to study Medicine in London, but you go wherever you get a place because it's so competitive. I'm living 100 miles away from family and 200 miles from London, so commuting here was never possible either, even while my parents were still in London. But to anyone not in my position, yes I would recommend commuting and/or transferring uni if they don't like where they are. No one should have to go through the horrible experiences I did - I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
 
 
 
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