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    I'm struggling to move on not from my ex, but from the things he said. I know people will say just get over it, but I'm finding it hard. I think its cos I didnt get real closure on a number of things so i cant stop thinking about them.

    context: we went on a couple of dates and he asked me out really early on and i said no because i wanted to take things a bit slower than that and get to know him better first. he was fine with this and understood. when we were first getting to know each other he talked about his ex a lot, he would bring her up randomly or bring her into the conversation no matter what it was. i would just smile and nod, i didnt wanna seem jealous or that. they dated for years and lived together so they were pretty serious, but she dumped him to shag other people.

    ive already posted about this here previously, but his ex was coming to visit our area and she asked him to hang out, we had already made plans that day and he "forgot" and made plans with her instead. obviously i didnt feel very good about this, this girl he wouldnt stop talking about he was meeting up with over me. they were also going away that weekend on a uni trip where they would be sleeping over in a hostel. i didnt feel comfortable about this either and he insisted they were "just friends" and that I had nothing to worry about. so after he ditched me to hang with her, it turned out she cancelled on him (lol) and he randomly texted me asking to hang with him instead. i basically ignored him and then eventually said no and told him how i felt. when he realised hed forgotten about our plans he felt like a moron (rightly so).

    i told him that i felt he spoke about her a lot and in my opinion it came across like he wasnt over her, he said this wasnt the case but that "he values her friendship" and he kept saying stuff which kinda dug him a hole.

    he then went away on this uni trip and she was there. when he came back hed arranged for us to go away on our own trip to make it up to me. on the trip he was going to show me where he planned to have his wedding and asked me to have his baby. i was like WTF no. we'd only known each other like 2 months at this point. he then spent the entire trip on his phone and barely spoke to me or bothered at all. which annoyed me. he then told a random woman on the train about our issues around his ex, which i thought was really disrespectful to tell a stranger this in public. when we got off the train i asked him why he did that and he said "because I knew it would wind you up" and he kept laughing when I said what he did upset me (yup he's an *******).

    fast forward and he told me to use his log in details for facebook to see that him and his ex were "just friends" and that they didnt talk about anything inappropriate. i didnt want to read his messages, it was HIS IDEA, and tbh i think he did it on purpose to make me look bad if i did read them.

    when i looked i saw several bad things: he was telling her that she was so much better than me and that he "really missed her", and when I asked him wtf that was about, he said that he was apprehensive about getting into a relationship with me at the beginning. okay so why did he ask me out super early, why did he ask me to have his baby? WTF? it makes no sense.
    secondly she had messaged him asking if he wanted to see her "strip" her clothes off. when his replies were basically no, she responded with "why not? youve changed" uh yeah cos he had a new girlfriend?

    im feeling pissed off that he was ****ging me off to her behind my back, saying she was better than me, i just feel like hes been completely dishonest and used me and messed me around. i can get over him as a person cos he was an ******* and i didnt even think he was physically attractive looking back. so i feel like an idiot for even bothering. i dont know how to put the nasty things he said behind me and move on...

    oh and he also called me fat even though im a size 8.

    his friends sent me angry messages when i dumped him saying that i had "****ed it up" (how?) and that I was an "insecure ****". they said he's a really nice person and I have a **** judge of character (pretty sure nice people dont call people fat...) they all blocked me and I felt totally confused by all of this, seeing as how he was the one being really disrespectful to me throughout our whole 'relationship', but its obvious he lied to them and didnt want to portray himself badly.

    TL;DR ex asked me out after a few weeks and wanted to rush the relationship, asked me to have his baby, wouldnt stop talking about his ex and then it turned out hed been messaging her saying he missed her and that compared to me she was better. she asked him inappropriate things like "do you want to see me strip". how do i move on and forget about the crap he put me through and how he wasted my time and sent me mixed messages?
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    Firstly, as you have already noted: he sounds like the biggest assssssssshole i have ever heard of. I think without meaning to hurt you in anyway, that you were just a rebound. He wanted to get over his ex so thought 'hmmm i know, maybe if i try and move on to someone else then I wont care about my ex anymore'. Clearly that didn't work out very well for him considering you said how much he used to talk about her. I know you didn't want to appear jealous and put him off but you should have said something the moment he began talking about her. I mean, it did affect you and I think it would anybody. If he was put off by you saying that in the first place then you would have known straight away to not bother with him. But hey, everyone learns and you cant go back in time. You should always put yourself first and if you even have the slightest hunch that someone isnt treating you the way you should be treated then speak up. Seriously, coming across as "physcho" or whatever is wayyyy better than being a doormat.

    Back to the point, he's literally scum and probably was messing with your feelings and rushing things to make his ex jealous. She clearly still had feelings too because it is not normal to stay friends with your ex. Nor is it normal to continue even communicating with your ex. He probably hoped that when you were his girlfriend she would get jealous and want him back and then unfortunately you would have been thrown in the bin (not literally lol). There are some shhhhiiittttyy people in this world girl, you got to stand your ground and never let a man get away with doing anything to hurt you. You are worth more than that. Hopefully, this horrendous experience has taught you signs to look out for in the future and taught you never to get involved with someone still into their ex because it will all end in tears.

    In response to moving on, although it is easier said than done, occupy yourself with things you love to do. Get out there doing what you love and being social with friends. Maybe it will lead you to someone new. Just please remember not all guys are as disgusting as this one. There are actually some genuinely lovely men out there who are looking for their perfect girl. You sound like such a lovely girl and i am positive you will find someone great who treats you how you deserve. Try your hardest not to let this knock your confidence down by saying to yourself that it's made you stronger and you will not allow yourself to be treated like that again. Doing this will ensure it never happens again and enables you to be a free bird and get know other guys without being fearful. Carry on being smart and don't rush into things either. Good luck, I know you can put this assssssshole behind you and feel great again xxxxxxx
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    (Original post by Sapz_9)
    She clearly still had feelings too because it is not normal to stay friends with your ex. Nor is it normal to continue even communicating with your ex.
    Not related to OP but I wanted to reply to that.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with still communicating or being friends with an ex. I will agree that it's not 100% normal but it's definitely not as abnormal as you made it out to be. If two people value the friendship they had underneath their relationship then they will work together to make it work. It's not easy, but it's not impossible.

    Source: Was with my ex for over 2 years and I am on relatively good terms with her.
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    (Original post by Sapz_9)
    Firstly, as you have already noted: he sounds like the biggest assssssssshole i have ever heard of. I think without meaning to hurt you in anyway, that you were just a rebound. He wanted to get over his ex so thought 'hmmm i know, maybe if i try and move on to someone else then I wont care about my ex anymore'. Clearly that didn't work out very well for him considering you said how much he used to talk about her. I know you didn't want to appear jealous and put him off but you should have said something the moment he began talking about her. I mean, it did affect you and I think it would anybody. If he was put off by you saying that in the first place then you would have known straight away to not bother with him. But hey, everyone learns and you cant go back in time. You should always put yourself first and if you even have the slightest hunch that someone isnt treating you the way you should be treated then speak up. Seriously, coming across as "physcho" or whatever is wayyyy better than being a doormat.

    Back to the point, he's literally scum and probably was messing with your feelings and rushing things to make his ex jealous. She clearly still had feelings too because it is not normal to stay friends with your ex. Nor is it normal to continue even communicating with your ex. He probably hoped that when you were his girlfriend she would get jealous and want him back and then unfortunately you would have been thrown in the bin (not literally lol). There are some shhhhiiittttyy people in this world girl, you got to stand your ground and never let a man get away with doing anything to hurt you. You are worth more than that. Hopefully, this horrendous experience has taught you signs to look out for in the future and taught you never to get involved with someone still into their ex because it will all end in tears.

    In response to moving on, although it is easier said than done, occupy yourself with things you love to do. Get out there doing what you love and being social with friends. Maybe it will lead you to someone new. Just please remember not all guys are as disgusting as this one. There are actually some genuinely lovely men out there who are looking for their perfect girl. You sound like such a lovely girl and i am positive you will find someone great who treats you how you deserve. Try your hardest not to let this knock your confidence down by saying to yourself that it's made you stronger and you will not allow yourself to be treated like that again. Doing this will ensure it never happens again and enables you to be a free bird and get know other guys without being fearful. Carry on being smart and don't rush into things either. Good luck, I know you can put this assssssshole behind you and feel great again xxxxxxx
    thanks for your reply i appreciate it.

    I did tell him he spoke about his ex a lot, and he responded saying he didnt realise or didnt think he spoke about her that much. when she was literally the only thing he ever spoke about (seriously..) which was why it was worrying for me and raised a red flag. the first time we had sex, afterwards he immediately started talking about her, we were lying in bed naked together and thats all he could talk about, was his ex. he told me she was a "porn expert"... either he's an idiot and doesnt realise what hes saying or doing, or he's a super ******* and knew exactly what he was doing.

    he told all his friends i thought he wasnt over her and made out i was "paranoid". so they all think im "crazy". when i had reasons to think the things i did, from his behaviours and words.

    so after i told him he spoke about her a lot, he literally had nothing to talk to me about anymore (LOL!) we would literally sit in silence if it wasnt for me doing all the talking. he would still bring her up but hed say "my ex" instead of her name.

    and he still argues to this day that he's over her and theyre "just friends". despite her messaging him and asking for favours or telling him what to do and he does it without hesitation.

    i told him deep person private information about myself and my family, and he told her everything. i didnt realise it was anyone elses business. once he said to her he didnt want to discuss something about me cos it was private and she went mental. she was like im not okay with that, if you dont tell me things then i wont tell you my private stuff either. when this was about ME, its none of her business. it seemed like emotional blackmail to me.
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    (Original post by pizzanomics)
    Not related to OP but I wanted to reply to that.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with still communicating or being friends with an ex. I will agree that it's not 100% normal but it's definitely not as abnormal as you made it out to be. If two people value the friendship they had underneath their relationship then they will work together to make it work. It's not easy, but it's not impossible.

    Source: Was with my ex for over 2 years and I am on relatively good terms with her.
    I think it depends on a few things, like how long the relationship lasted, how serious it was etc (like if there are kids involved) and if both parties have fully moved on.

    i dont think he had, and the conversations they had were inappropriate, her asking if he wanted to see her strip her clothes of for example...

    she was also being weird, he still had a number of her possessions from when they lived together and one of them was a book on "kinky sex" and she told him to leave it out in his room where it was "visible"... why, i dont know. it seems like she wanted me to walk into his room and see it. then of course id be like uh whats this book haha? i think shes just a wannabe bunnyboiler tbh...
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    Which were your previous threads?

    I read it all and cnat see wat the problem is.

    He an idiot on the rebound and he was never serious about yopu and doesnt know how to treat someone decently as a person or as someone in a relationship.

    He has shown what a consistent runnish bf he would make.

    You wasting time to figure it out, when its a waste of time. You wasting time when you could be doing better things like enjoying yourself and looking for someone else. Just leave it and move on.

    You put the nasty things behind you becayse he's a douche who you cant respect, so his opinion is meaningless. Cut him off and move on.

    It is that easy.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Which were your previous threads?

    I read it all and cnat see wat the problem is.

    He an idiot on the rebound and he was never serious about yopu and doesnt know how to treat someone decently as a person or as someone in a relationship.

    He has shown what a consistent runnish bf he would make.

    You wasting time to figure it out, when its a waste of time. You wasting time when you could be doing better things like enjoying yourself and looking for someone else. Just leave it and move on.

    You put the nasty things behind you becayse he's a douche who you cant respect, so his opinion is meaningless. Cut him off and move on.

    It is that easy.
    Im not bothered about him, like I said him as person is easy to move on from, its the things he said :/ I know I shouldnt care about what people say but its really hard being called fat repeatedly and finding out someone thought you werent good at making conversation and youre not intellectual...

    I know i shouldnt care and there are better things to be doing but it has really hit a nerve with me because im a shy person and i tried my best to be talkative and to make an effort, only to find out he found me not interesting...

    the irony being he said i wasnt intellectual when hes the one getting 2.2s at uni and I got a first in my degree... but i never judged him or put him down for his flaws, but he consistently put me down and now i feel im lacking in confidence
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im not bothered about him, like I said him as person is easy to move on from, its the things he said :/ I know I shouldnt care about what people say but its really hard being called fat repeatedly and finding out someone thought you werent good at making conversation and youre not intellectual...

    I know i shouldnt care and there are better things to be doing but it has really hit a nerve with me because im a shy person and i tried my best to be talkative and to make an effort, only to find out he found me not interesting...

    the irony being he said i wasnt intellectual when hes the one getting 2.2s at uni and I got a first in my degree... but i never judged him or put him down for his flaws, but he consistently put me down and now i feel im lacking in confidence
    My point is if he is a douche then why bother what a douche thinks?
    Learn from it.
    Dont tolerate people putting you down. Friends and bfs support you.
    You arent fat, but if you wnat to get more defined then go lift some weights.
    If people speak nonsense then why not view it as nonsense?
    Go and do thinks on your confidence vol work or take a self esteem course.

    I'd juts be thinking whhat an unpleasant person, glad I didnt waste evern more time on him. Not everyone behaves like him so just focus on being the best person you cna be.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    My point is if he is a douche then why bother what a douche thinks?
    Learn from it.
    Dont tolerate people putting you down. Friends and bfs support you.
    You arent fat, but if you wnat to get more defined then go lift some weights.
    If people speak nonsense then why not view it as nonsense?
    Go and do thinks on your confidence vol work or take a self esteem course.

    I'd juts be thinking whhat an unpleasant person, glad I didnt waste evern more time on him. Not everyone behaves like him so just focus on being the best person you cna be.
    yeah i get what youre saying, thank you

    I do go to the gym and do loads of cardio, I know I'm not fat (have had my bodyfat % done loads at the gym and Im fine and the trainers even say how hard I work and how I look fine) so his comment was just bizarre, seeing as how he does 0 exercise himself and eats take aways every night!
 
 
 
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