I need some advice please! I've been dating my boyfriend for the past 9 months and he is my first boyfriend, and I love him to bits!
So I've had depression for the past 3 years and it seemed to have gone away pretty much by the time I went to University in September. I love my boyfriend and he makes me happy. But basically I feel like I'm ruining our relationship and making him unhappy.
I've stayed at uni during the summer (5hrs from home) so we can spend the summer together, however he works 50 ish hours a week and I barely get to see him, and when he gets back he complains I'm too 'forward and loving' because most of the time i've been bored. I work unregular shifts at a farm for 3 hours at a time, for max 21 hours a week, due to my anxiety I can't do much more and I feel like it is a huge effort just to do this but I feel so much satisfaction when I've finished my shifts and proud of myself for doing something out of my comfort zone. Yet despite this he complains that I'm not doing enough and has been pushing me to apply for another job. He does **** all around the house, he doesn't take any responsibility for our pets, nor the washing up/cleaning and he's never done his own washing since moving here in June. He also expects me to sort out dinner and cook most nights. Yet if I complain he does nothing he gets angry at me and says "i'm working all the time" which just upsets me and makes me cry.
I've been put on antidepressants and am currently on 25mg daily Setraline. I;ve thought so many times about overdosing and ending it all, yet I can't freely talk about this with my boyfriend as he gets annoyed and blames himself for me being depressed which just upsets me further ! I haven't been able to tell the GP the full extent of the illness because I feel like i"m going to be judged. I'm feeling a bit better on these antidepressants however I still get suicidial feelings and can have extreme mood swings from being happy one moment to being extremely depressed and reckless the next. If I get into one of those ways I'm uncharacteristically careless and can get very angry. I know I'm not the nicest to be around at this time but I really can't help it.
So basically I don't know if I'm being unrealistic or if I need to go on stronger meds or if its him that is making me more upset.
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- 24-07-2016 13:01
- 24-07-2016 13:04
Oh i also feel like he isn't making me feel special, we had made plans for today then when I woke up he told me he 'forgot' he had work which made me very sad. Then he got angry at me when I got annoyed!
- 24-07-2016 13:12
I think you need to be more honest with your GP.
You may indeed need stronger or perhaps a different sort of medication. It affects everyone differently.
You need to ask your bf to be more sympathetic. The atmosphere in that house at the moment is just sending you on a downward spiral.
Going home to your parents might make more sense if things don't improve.
- 24-07-2016 13:19
Have you considered therapy?
- 24-07-2016 13:26
- 24-07-2016 13:33
well first thing first - it sounds like you've moved way too fast if you're living together and own joint pets at 9 months into the relationship - no wonder you're arguing when you're putting pressure on things like that
secondly, if he's working 50 hours a week and you're only working 21 hours then it's reasonable that you do more housework (especially if he's paying more financially which you didn't mention but I'm guessing it's likely if you're only working 21 hrs a week max)
it's hard being in a relationship with someone who is depressed and anxious but it's impossible to tell whether your partner is being impatient or whether you're being needy and difficult... unfortunately relationships are about compromise and you have to find a balance with each other so you're both happy with the situation, this is especially true right after moving in together, so right now it's normal to be having trouble negotiating things like money, work, housework, attention etc but you do need to find a compromise, e.g. could he stop moaning at you to get another job if you do more housework without moaning? can you decide on a housework schedule which accounts for his extra work but still means he does something?
you also really need to be honest with your doctor, some are good and some are bad with regards to mental health, if you try and feel judged then find a different GP because there are plenty out there who can deal with mental health well
(Original post by doodle_333)
- 24-07-2016 13:56
well first thing first - it sounds like you've moved way too fast if you're living together and own joint pets at 9 months into the relationship - no wonder you're arguing when you're putting pressure on things like thatl
- 24-07-2016 15:47