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    Okay so I'm a 21 year old male university student and a few months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. Things were very up and down for the whole relationship - whenever we had problems she'd put more attention into talking to other guys (being flirty and having sexual conversations etc.) than actually fixing the problems.

    So anyway, during the last 6 months she got very much worse, we still had good times too but the bad were really bad. The messaging other guys stuff got worse and she generally spoke to/about me like I was nothing to her. She'd pick faults in my personal appearance and made a conscious effort not to compliment me in case I got 'too confident'. She said once or twice how it really frustrated her how the things she said never seemed to bother me, so I assume that only made her try harder to get to me. Eventually she did, and the whole relationship just made me less confident and my self esteem took a hit. Throughout our relationship she'd also react violently if she got angry, this happened maybe 10-15 times and was usually slaps/kicks to the face.

    Essentially, as much as I loved her - she wasn't a great person to be with. I held on for much longer than I probably should have because she was having lots of family problems and I was there for her, her friends weren't that good to her.
    It all eventually came to a head (she cut me down when I was rambling on about my life goals saying it was 'boring and she didn't care') and I just broke up with her on the spot, it all just became too much for me.

    One of my siblings died when I was 12, and my father committed suicide a year later - and since then I've suffered massively with depression, before I even knew what it was. I rarely feel proper emotions and even when I achieve goals I feel at most a slight relief/happiness. I worked hard at school and got into a good university. I'm currently doing an internship which just about pays my rent. I don't have much money and because of the hours I work I have little time to socialise. Because of what happened in the relationship I don't feel like I can let someone else into my life like that again, and it bothers me a lot.

    So now I'll get to the point, I went home at the weekend and saw my ex-girlfriend with another guy, which objectively is fine - I expected this would happened eventually. The bit that completely frustrated me is how happy she seemed. She dropped out of uni and her parents still pay for everything she does (holidays etc.) whilst I'm here working 40+ hours a week to pay rent. I just feel as though I lost, I work fairly hard and I'm still not happy - I feel like I was a decent boyfriend and I'm a good person, yet I'm so unhappy.

    I just feel like I lost. And not even just to my ex. I don't miss our relationship or even her as a person, and the fact she's moved on isn't what's bothering me. But how can I stop feeling this way?

    There's so much more I can say but I'll say it if people ask to save you all the reading. Thanks in advance.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay so I'm a 21 year old male university student and a few months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. Things were very up and down for the whole relationship - whenever we had problems she'd put more attention into talking to other guys (being flirty and having sexual conversations etc.) than actually fixing the problems.

    So anyway, during the last 6 months she got very much worse, we still had good times too but the bad were really bad. The messaging other guys stuff got worse and she generally spoke to/about me like I was nothing to her. She'd pick faults in my personal appearance and made a conscious effort not to compliment me in case I got 'too confident'. She said once or twice how it really frustrated her how the things she said never seemed to bother me, so I assume that only made her try harder to get to me. Eventually she did, and the whole relationship just made me less confident and my self esteem took a hit. Throughout our relationship she'd also react violently if she got angry, this happened maybe 10-15 times and was usually slaps/kicks to the face.

    Essentially, as much as I loved her - she wasn't a great person to be with. I held on for much longer than I probably should have because she was having lots of family problems and I was there for her, her friends weren't that good to her.
    It all eventually came to a head (she cut me down when I was rambling on about my life goals saying it was 'boring and she didn't care' and I just broke up with her on the spot, it all just became too much for me.

    One of my siblings died when I was 12, and my father committed suicide a year later - and since then I've suffered massively with depression, before I even knew what it was. I rarely feel proper emotions and even when I achieve goals I feel at most a slight relief/happiness. I worked hard at school and got into a good university. I'm currently doing an internship which just about pays my rent. I don't have much money and because of the hours I work I have little time to socialise. Because of what happened in the relationship I don't feel like I can let someone else into my life like that again, and it bothers me a lot.

    So now I'll get to the point, I went home at the weekend and saw my ex-girlfriend with another guy, which objectively is fine - I expected this would happened eventually. The bit that completely frustrated me is how happy she seemed. She dropped out of uni and her parents still pay for everything she does (holidays etc.) whilst I'm here working 40+ hours a week to pay rent. I just feel as though I lost, I work fairly hard and I'm still not happy - I feel like I was a decent boyfriend and I'm a good person, yet I'm so unhappy.

    I just feel like I lost. And not even just to my ex. I don't miss our relationship or even her as a person, and the fact she's moved on isn't what's bothering me. But how can I stop feeling this way?

    There's so much more I can say but I'll say it if people ask to save you all the reading. Thanks in advance.

    Hey there that's really sad to hear, you don't deserve that kind of treatment. Honestly, there isn't a way to get rid of these feelings but the best you can do is carry on with your life and try to find a girl that treats you the right way. Keep searching!

    A word of advice though, next time a girl treats you in a way that you don't like, bring it to her attention right then and there, and tell her you're not going to accept that behaviour in a relationship. A relationship should be filled with positive emotions that make you feel happy, not ones that put you down making you feel like crap.

    Wish you well in life mate, just be glad that you don't have to go through that anymore
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    Depression is a horrible thing to have to deal with i know exactly how you're feeling. But you should be proud of what your accomplishing your making a living and paying your own way, you EX on the other hand is still sponging of her parents!! I work hard for everything i have. I'm not happy all the time but i make the most of it i try to realise what i already have to make me smile my friends around me always cheer me up and make me smile.

    Just find something that fills you with passion and put your spare time in to that.

    But don't be scared about giving another girl a chance you never know she could be the one for you :-)
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    I can relate to this.

    At the end of the day mate, she ain't worth your time and you will eventually find someone much better. Trust me when I say that just because an ex seems happy, doesn't mean they are; it's all a front to hide their issues, and they generally project their problems onto the next person (because they haven't had time/have chosen not to deal with them).

    You seem like a well-rounded fellow with a lot going for him. Keep on working hard and eventually you'll see the results of your efforts.
 
 
 
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