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I don't know what to do anymore (a long winded ramble) ? watch

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    I'm putting this up here because I don't know anybody in real life who I can talk to, but I really don't know what to do anymore. It's long and rambly and probably cringey I'll probably regret it soon but I justt feel the need to put it SOMEWHERE.
    I just don't feel happy and I don't feel okay, and I don't think i really have for nearly 3 years. But over the last year or so it's gotten so much worse, and I just don't know what to do and I'm so ****ing tired of it. Last summer until the end of 2015 I was so ****ing sad and scared all the time but I could put that down to circumstances, and id told myself that, as it was over, 2016 would be happier. Now I've realised that I never got happier I just got better at distracting myself, but now GCSES are over and it's summer again there are no distractions. I thought after I lost weight Id be happy and even though Ive lost over a stone recently I just don't look like myself or how I want to. I hate my body and my appearance but the less I eat the worse I feel about it and I just can't be happy with myself. Every thing j do or see makes me sad and nostalgic and melancholic. I feel stuck in the past and like the world is going on without me, and that I'm living in a different place to everyone else and nothing feels right anymore. I don't think about the world as I used to, in fact I don't really think about things at all but at the same time I think too much, and everything I think about is thought with a grey, dulled overlay that just doesn't go away anymore. Its like I'm here but surrounded by some miserable filter for everything (a laboured metaphor but it'll do) and it makes me feel so alone. It's like I'm living in the same world as everyone else but I'm not LIVING it anymore, just floating through. I don't feel okay again. I want to feel real again. I want to live a happy and fulfilling life again and I want this ****ing sadness - no, not sadness exactly, more like emptiness and numbness and loneliness and this loss of reality- I want it to end. A few days ago I felt the need to put on my old school uniform and get in my old bed and put on my old favourite music just to try and feel normal again (didn't work). Nothing can make me happy and I can smile and laugh but it never feels like I'm smiling anymore. My 16th birthday was just a day, our holiday which I've been "excited" for for months was just a week with a different backdrop. I want to feel okay again and for a few weeks I really thought I was but I was wrong. I haven't felt okay in years, I've forgotten what it's like. Maybe this IS okay, who knows. But I don't like it and I don't want to live like this anymore and I just don't know what to do about it, or what the **** it actually is or whether it is anything at all.
    My friends don't believe in depression without a cause (and there's a thin chance there's actually an issue and as people say I'm probably making it up or making a fuss over normality), and my parents have always been very closed off about mental health and I just couldn't talk to them.
    I'm sorry this was incredibly rambly and long and it probably sounded like some whiny emo talking straight out of my ass. I mainly put this out because I've always felt better after putting stuff out there and I'm not expecting replies if people aren't interested but I just needed somewhere to vent. If anyone has a similar experience or advice however it would be kindly appreciated. Thanks xx



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    I felt like you one time!
    I have my insecurities...every person does
    But that's what makes us unique

    Look at yourself

    You're beautiful!!

    Regardless your weight or shape
    Eff body standards and love who you are
    Because you don't need societal norms to conform to
    You're independent and beautiful and unique just the way you are!

    Why don't you go out and volunteer to help people...maybe elderly or young children for the better?
    It'll make you feel better

    Go out with friends
    Talk to family
    Laugh and make memories
    Meet new people
    Go for a morning or evening run

    Pretty sure NCS is on right now
    It's a great way to get active and meet new people and develop skills

    I'm always here if you need to talk Xx
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    I'm sorry you feel like this have you thought about seeing your GP? I know it's hard to speak out, but they could help you.
    Wishing you well.

    No one is perfect & you don't need to compare yourself to others in terms of body/shape etc you're beautiful the way you are. It's easy for me to say this, but honestly I had a time I went through something similar. I've just learnt to accept my self.

    xxx
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    Thank you to both of you X
    Honestly I'd feel like I'm wasting a GPs time I don't know, but I've been considering volunteering for a while actually.


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    Hello. It sounds to me like you could be suffering from Depression. I have had it on and off since I was about 15 years old. I'm now 48. Clinical Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Nothing you can do will make you "snap out of it". The only thing which corrects that imbalance of chemicals is medication.You could have the best family, the most amazing friends, all the money you could ever need and still feel in a very dark place. This is depression. You MUST make an appointment to see your GP. And please, tell your parents as well. It's really important you have support. Good luck !!
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    (Original post by markova21)
    Hello. It sounds to me like you could be suffering from Depression. I have had it on and off since I was about 15 years old. I'm now 48. Clinical Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Nothing you can do will make you "snap out of it". The only thing which corrects that imbalance of chemicals is medication.You could have the best family, the most amazing friends, all the money you could ever need and still feel in a very dark place. This is depression. You MUST make an appointment to see your GP. And please, tell your parents as well. It's really important you have support. Good luck !!
    Thank you x, I just don't really think my parents would take it too well and the thought of telling them kind of scares me :/


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    (Original post by sophxxs)
    Thank you x, I just don't really think my parents would take it too well and the thought of telling them kind of scares me :/


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    Why on earth would your parents not take it too well? It's hardly something to be ashamed of. Perhaps even your mother experienced a little bit of post natal depression after giving birth? It's very common. But if that is the case, then there is no need to inform your parents at all. Make an appointment to see your GP and have a chat to him. If he gives you some medication just don't tell your parents you have been prescribed it. [I assume you are over the age of 16 so will not need some sort of parental consent?]
 
 
 
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