Jealously of my best friend's boyfriend

My best friend, let's call her Hannah got together with her boyfriend, let's say Tom a few months ago. We all go to uni together and are within the same friendship group. I was very close to Hannah for the first 2 terms. We spent a lot of time together and the friendship meant a lot to me. Tom was always a close friend of hers but since she's started to see him I've just become so jealous of those 2. Not because I want a relationship myself but because I feel like he's taken a part of the closeness that Hannah and I had. I feel that whenever she would need to talk she'd go straight to him and not me anymore so I suppose I feel left out.

Even when they go on dates together or I know they're texting each other I become quite cross inside. He's so 'whipped' by her too that he just follows her around and doesn whatever she wants!

I know it's extremely immature and I thought it would be something I would get used to but I just haven't. I am happy for Hannah if she's happy but perhaps part of the negativity towards them is that I don't believe they are completely happy together. It was definitely a very rough time before they got together - best friends turned boyfriend girlfriend and I was always the one to help her out.

How can I get over this stupid jealously??

Reply 1

Nel48

It may feel immature but I can understand how you feel. Friendships are important and you don't want to lose that but I suppose it's something you may have to accept.

Reply 2

username47781

I can understand you feeling like that, afterall the times you spend with your friend. Hopefully despite her having a boyfriend now, you two will still spend some happy times together.

Reply 3

randomgirl

I know it must be annoying and stuff, but you should try your best to be happy for your mate. Just because she has a boyfriend, doesn't mean that she likes you any less.

If you really do feel that she is kind of pushing you out of her life, have a word. I don't mean have a huuuge argument or anything, but maybe ask her if she'd rather be with him and if she resents spending time with you etc. She probably doesn't realise she is hurting you.

If you don't think you are spending enough time together invite her to do things! Do you get on well with her boyfriend? Couldn't you do things with her (and him) and some other mates as well, as a group? Then you could see her and she could see her boyfriend at the same time. Killing two birds with one stone so to speak. Plus it gives you chance to know her boyfriend some more.

It is obviously hard seeing as you are spending less time with her now she has a boyfriend but it's part of life I guess. People do meet boyfriends/girlfriends and friends do usually see less of their mates because of this. It isn't really a deliberate thing, people just get all loved up and sometimes don't realise they are "neglecting" their mates. Do you view him as like, some mean guy who is stealing her away? Maybe you should get to know him a little bit more than you do already? Become friends even...

Sorry for the ramble! :smile:

Reply 4

khil

Do you genuinely not believe they're happy together, or do you simply not want them to be happy together? Jealousy is a powerful and very corrupting thing.

All I can say is, get over it. Sounds harsh but such is life. Hannah is entitled to run to her bf before running to you, because in any healthy relationships, you're meant to be good friends or best friends with your partner in the first place. In fact, even if he wasn't her bf, Hannah is entitled to run to whomever she wants for advice. Just cus she doesn't come to you anymore does not mean she is not grateful for your help in the past, and it does not mean she's not your friend or "less" of a friend to you.

I mean, to be honest, how should I feel by now if I get jealous like that? And I do sometimes. Every good friend of mine - and I try and be there for all of them whenever they need me, I'd sit there for hours listening to them if they needed it - but every single one of them met other friends through me, and as time goes by suddenly they're not as close to me anymore and they prefer the company of the other girl. You just get over it - you don't own your friends and they're entitled to be closer to other people other than you. But just cus they're closer to other people does not mean you're not still their close friend and it does not mean they don't need your friendship anymore.

When you feel the jealousy rising, just tell yourself to stop. It'll go away as time goes by.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

I do understand your points but being replaced by a boyfriend who hasn't always been there for your friend is hurtful and I suppose makes you feel unappreciated.