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I don't know what to do about this guy. Watch

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    #1

    So recently I just got back in touch with an old friend,


    because I had been thinking about him a lot I missed his friendship and I wanted to make amends with him as I didn't like how I ended things with him. So we spoke on the phone, he told me his recently graduated from medecine law from kings and is now a qualified doctor after 6 years of studying and he was going to start his new job at a hospital next Monday. This was last week) and also he confessed his feelings for me. He said he wanted to be with me and he saw a serious future with me, at first I wasn't sure how I felt about him as so much time has passed since we met and I saw him as a friend but I wanted to give it a shot his a great guy his smart, funny, good looking and a doctor, his a type of guy that most girls dream about marrying .

    Anyway we went out on Saturday and had a great time it was lovely seeing him again and we still had chemistry from when we first met. And we agreed to give things a go with us being together.
    But the only issue was that his a now a doctor so we wouldn't see each other as much as we would like. He said once every week, I was willingly to accept that because I wanted to be supportive of his career and make this work.

    Everything was fine for the first couple of days, I did everything I could to show him that I cared about him. I texted him every morning wishing him good luck for his new job. Texting him when he got home from work to ask him how it went. I tried my best to be supportive, understanding considerate and thoughtful of him and his feelings and his needs. But as soon as I ask him babe when can I see you again he loses it with me calls me selfish and inconsiderate because I'm only thinking about myself. His working a 12 hour shift and all I'm concerned with is myself. That really hurt me because for the whole week I've tried my best to be supportive, caring and consecrate of him. I don't get upset when we doesn't text me throughout the day because his probably tired from work. I'm willing to accept that some times I will only see him twice a month.


    I constantly ask him about how work is going but he still class ,e selfish and inconsiderate. When I brought this to him we had a huge row and he was like let's pause things with us and go back to being friends for 2 years because he doesn't think I understand his career or situation. I honestly don't know what the hell to do, now should I wait for 2 years on a guy who doesn't want to be with me anymore or just move on?? I really like him and want to make things work with us.m,aye it was to premature of us to get into anything to serious so early on.
    I don't know what to do to make this work anymore.

    Sorry I know it's quite long. Don't know if there is anyone who is bothered to read all this.
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    sounds complicated and sad tbh. Just move on. You deserve someone who will appreciate your support. Not only does he seem to not value your point of view, he seems kind of demanding not realising how it makes you feel. Wait for 2 years before reconsidering? This isn't an application lmao- it's meant to be a relationship. Let him go.
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    Tell him how you feel about all of this and try to work it out between you. You clearly both like each other but he just misinterprets your caring behaviour as you being selfish and inconsiderate when you clearly aren't. If this doesn't work out, simply just pm me I hope everything works out fine, my darling. Good luck!
    • Very Important Poster
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    Relationships go both ways. Ok he has a busy job, dont most people?
    He's the one who said he saw a serious futurem then he should act like it, communicate and share a bit..
    You seem to be trying too hard instead of chilling, Being supportive cab soemtimes be a bit sufficating.
    He wnants a different type of relationship than you as he is more interested in his career.
    You can try talking but he sounds a bit stressed. and incapable.
    He sounds selfish in that he should put time aside for you, even if on 12hr shifts. Its not a relationship really. You want more.

    You wont make it work. Let him get on with his career. You get on with your life. Dont communicate with him and review it at Christmas. In that time you might meet one or two that do wnat a relationship and will have time for you. he isnt ready now or maybe never.
    Stop trying so hard. I'm more with ~2.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi Thank You all so much with your replies and advice.


    I have tried to let him know how I feel. I don't feel like he appreciates me or my efforts.

    Last Wednesday when I asked him when can I see you again, he snapped at me ranting at me on the phone for 10 minutes telling me how selfish I'm and inconsiderate I'm, and how I didn't even ask him his going to cope during his 12 hour shift the next day, He didn't give me a chance to say anything before he began to attack me. He went on and on saying really hurtful things to me and worst he knew it was upsetting me as I was silent on the phone and by the tone of my voice, he even said I know your getting upset sorry if I'm upsetting you but I'm just being blunt" and carried.

    Than he was like " when you tried to kill yourself and was depressed I was there for you I didn't blame you I asked you how you were. Like what the hell??? What has that got to do with this crab? That was a really cruel and disgusting comparrisoment to make and he and promised me he would no longer use my past again me like that. Also it's not true, yes I tried to commit suicide 3 years back but that was because I was raped and he know this so it was really out of order for him to bring that up like that.

    I was so hurt and angry by what he said mostly because what he said wasn't true, and secondly I'm trying so hard to show him I care and he acts like I don't. As hurt and angry I was by what he said I tried to be some what understanding, I'm sure he didn't meant what he said, his probably exhausted from work, he has a lot of responsibility yes I know it's no excuse or justification for how he spoke to me but he will apologies in the morning. So I thought, I messaged him on Thursday morning, wishing him a good day at work. He replied and said thank you, hope your okay but didn't apology for what he said.
    So I waited till he got home and messaged him round 11pm he finished work at 8 I wanted to give him some time to rest first.

    So I brought this up to him in a respectful manner I wasn't trying to start a fight or argue with him I just wanted to convey to him how hurt I was by what he said and how I don't feel like he appreciates my efforts.
    He apologised for what he said but was like I don't want to talk about it lets move on. No I wanted to talk about it, it's okay for him to express his anger and furtrations at me and I have to take it, it's okay for him to call me selfish, inconsiderate, tell me he doesn't need people like me in his life and pause things for 2 years without me being able to question any of it but I can't express my feelings without him pushing it to the side like it don't matter.

    Yeah I wasn't going to hear that or accept that no way, but he was like I'm fed up of this your putting me off and good night and we will talk next week.


    So that was that, on Friday I had a really terrible day I suffer from bad anxiety due to my attack and I bumped into my attacker or someone who looked very much like him and I had a bad anxiety attack I couldn't breath properly I felt like I was having a mini stroke or something I ended up in the hospital. And honestly apart from my family he was the only other person I wanted to see and talk to.

    I text him many times, first asking him how work went and that I really needed to talk to him I had a terrible day and could really use his support right now as my friend.

    But he didn't reply, i was than getting worried and thought is something wrong because he normally replies to my text within minutes. I was really getting worried about him even though I was in a hospital.
    He didn't reply to any of my texts on Friday,
    I was released from the hospital on Saturday morning, all I could think about was him I was so worried about him, I thought something bad had happened to him.
    So I messaged him again on Saturday evening from work and he replied this time and was like I'm fine I told you I'll talk to you next weekend.
    I've not heard from him since.
    At this point I'm so tired of this.
    I'm a firm believer of fate and if we're meant to be than we will be but it's clearly not working right now.
    His so immature and has no idea what goes into making a relationship work.
    I'm no longer wishing to persue a romantic relationship with him but maybe somewhere there's still hope) currently I'm questionaning even being friends with him.

    This is really sad because I really thought we had a chance of something serious I really saw a future here. I'm the type of girl who only gets into a relationship if I can see a serious future with the person.
    I'll do anything to make this work but it's not worth it anymore.

    He was the one that wanted serious commitment, he was the one who said he saw us going somewhere but he has already given up, what was he expecting?


    What do some of you guys honestly what ? If you have a girl who isn't supportive, encouraging or caring you complain but when you do get someone that is its still not enough. What is a girl to do?
    I'm just going to focus on my career and happiness for right now.

    Anyway thank you all for your supports
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi Thank You all so much with your replies and advice.I have tried to let him know how I feel. I don't feel like he appreciates me or my efforts. Last Wednesday when I asked him when can I see you again, he snapped at me ranting at me on the phone for 10 minutes telling me how selfish I'm and inconsiderate I'm, and how I didn't even ask him his going to cope during his 12 hour shift the next day, He didn't give me a chance to say anything before he began to attack me. He went on and on saying really hurtful things to me and worst he knew it was upsetting me as I was silent on the phone and by the tone of my voice, he even said I know your getting upset sorry if I'm upsetting you but I'm just being blunt" and carried.Than he was like " when you tried to kill yourself and was depressed I was there for you I didn't blame you I asked you how you were. Like what the hell??? What has that got to do with this crab? That was a really cruel and disgusting comparrisoment to make and he and promised me he would no longer use my past again me like that. Also it's not true, yes I tried to commit suicide 3 years back but that was because I was raped and he know this so it was really out of order for him to bring that up like that.I was so hurt and angry by what he said mostly because what he said wasn't true, and secondly I'm trying so hard to show him I care and he acts like I don't. As hurt and angry I was by what he said I tried to be some what understanding, I'm sure he didn't meant what he said, his probably exhausted from work, he has a lot of responsibility yes I know it's no excuse or justification for how he spoke to me but he will apologies in the morning. So I thought, I messaged him on Thursday morning, wishing him a good day at work. He replied and said thank you, hope your okay but didn't apology for what he said. So I waited till he got home and messaged him round 11pm he finished work at 8 I wanted to give him some time to rest first. So I brought this up to him in a respectful manner I wasn't trying to start a fight or argue with him I just wanted to convey to him how hurt I was by what he said and how I don't feel like he appreciates my efforts.He apologised for what he said but was like I don't want to talk about it lets move on. No I wanted to talk about it, it's okay for him to express his anger and furtrations at me and I have to take it, it's okay for him to call me selfish, inconsiderate, tell me he doesn't need people like me in his life and pause things for 2 years without me being able to question any of it but I can't express my feelings without him pushing it to the side like it don't matter.Yeah I wasn't going to hear that or accept that no way, but he was like I'm fed up of this your putting me off and good night and we will talk next week.So that was that, on Friday I had a really terrible day I suffer from bad anxiety due to my attack and I bumped into my attacker or someone who looked very much like him and I had a bad anxiety attack I couldn't breath properly I felt like I was having a mini stroke or something I ended up in the hospital. And honestly apart from my family he was the only other person I wanted to see and talk to.I text him many times, first asking him how work went and that I really needed to talk to him I had a terrible day and could really use his support right now as my friend.But he didn't reply, i was than getting worried and thought is something wrong because he normally replies to my text within minutes. I was really getting worried about him even though I was in a hospital. He didn't reply to any of my texts on Friday,I was released from the hospital on Saturday morning, all I could think about was him I was so worried about him, I thought something bad had happened to him. So I messaged him again on Saturday evening from work and he replied this time and was like I'm fine I told you I'll talk to you next weekend.I've not heard from him since.At this point I'm so tired of this. I'm a firm believer of fate and if we're meant to be than we will be but it's clearly not working right now. His so immature and has no idea what goes into making a relationship work. I'm no longer wishing to persue a romantic relationship with him but maybe somewhere there's still hope) currently I'm questionaning even being friends with him.This is really sad because I really thought we had a chance of something serious I really saw a future here. I'm the type of girl who only gets into a relationship if I can see a serious future with the person. I'll do anything to make this work but it's not worth it anymore.He was the one that wanted serious commitment, he was the one who said he saw us going somewhere but he has already given up, what was he expecting?What do some of you guys honestly what ? If you have a girl who isn't supportive, encouraging or caring you complain but when you do get someone that is its still not enough. What is a girl to do?I'm just going to focus on my career and happiness for right now.Anyway thank you all for your supports
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Relationships go both ways. Ok he has a busy job, dont most people?
    He's the one who said he saw a serious futurem then he should act like it, communicate and share a bit..
    You seem to be trying too hard instead of chilling, Being supportive cab soemtimes be a bit sufficating.
    He wnants a different type of relationship than you as he is more interested in his career.
    You can try talking but he sounds a bit stressed. and incapable.
    He sounds selfish in that he should put time aside for you, even if on 12hr shifts. Its not a relationship really. You want more.

    You wont make it work. Let him get on with his career. You get on with your life. Dont communicate with him and review it at Christmas. In that time you might meet one or two that do wnat a relationship and will have time for you. he isnt ready now or maybe never.
    Stop trying so hard. I'm more with ~2.

    Thank You and I will move on and focus on my career and goals x
    • Very Important Poster
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    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank You and I will move on and focus on my career and goals x
    Just to repeat as its a really fundamental lesson to learn about people, boys in general and will stand you in good stead.

    Compare what people say to what they do.
    i.e I love you I am serious about you I wnat us to work v what happens in relaity, ignores, selfish poor behaviour, doesnt make an effort, doesnt consider your needs.

    When they dont match up, then you have an issue.
    Words are easy, actions speak louder.


    Think about how you would like to be treated as minimum and think about how you are treated plus how you treat the other person. Is it roughly equal? Do they make you happy? Are they worth the effort?

    You dont have to do that much soul searching as where you get less out than you put in then it should have alarm bells as to what that means for now and the future. Where its not working, then its much better to be free and finding someone who can make you happy and can put effort into a relationship.


    Not reading through the whole thread again but:

    - Be aware not everyone needs constant reassurance or communication, so go with the flow to find a happy medium. A mismatch can mean one person might feel suffocated.

    It shouldnt be causing you stress unhappiness or be so draining at such an early stahe. Be aware of how much you were doing to yourself.

    Its clear he is wrapped up and hyper stressed avout his career and cant really cope with communicating or being considerate to you.

    There will be other people out there who you will get along with, will make you happy, will communicate etc. It makes sense to leave him to his own devices and you get on wit your life.

    I wouldnt bother keeping in touch. Maybe he will have changed in a few years, but not worth hanging around for.
 
 
 
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