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These are my secrets. watch

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    These are some things that I have never openly expressed to anyone before; by posting them here, I hope to feel a sort of relief.

    1. I think my dad may have sexually abused my sister during childhood.

    2. I speak differently at home when with family: I speak more child-like; I speak like a five-year-old; I’m too embarrassed to speak in my normal voice around family. I always put on an act. This makes me feel retarded.

    3. Through high school and A Levels, I had a tendency to download pictures of the girls I liked so that I could fantasize over them - that’s the polite way of saying that I’d elicit semen over them. I must have saved over 100 Facebook pictures of them; some of them are near pornographic.

    4. I didn’t do things that could have helped me; I was too scared to wear my glasses at all times during high school for example, so for the majority of that five years I made a fool of myself because I could barely tell when someone was looking at me, etc.

    5. When walking, I get nervous of cars that drive in my direction. When someone beeps their horn, I immediately feel as though they are beeping at me and question ‘what was the point in that?’.

    6. I walk funny. People have been mentioning it for years and I don’t know what I can do about it.

    7. I try not to show any emotion when outside; happy people are ill-disciplined, in my mind.

    8. I always feel superior to others (literally everyone), but the effects of this actually leads me to feel far inferior to others. It’s a constant cycle.

    9. I have no future ambitions because I never think that I will live that long. Death is always an alternative- that has been my attitude since school: ‘If I do well, that’s fine. If I don’t, I could always die’. My degree is just me pretending to be constructive; I didn’t expect to be here this long.

    10. I genuinely think I’ve only spoken to around ten different (face to face) people in the past year. Most of them are strangers.


    I have more but I can't post them here as people will just think I am joking.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    These are some things that I have never openly expressed to anyone before; by posting them here, I hope to feel a sort of relief.

    1. I think my dad may have sexually abused my sister during childhood.

    2. I speak differently at home when with family: I speak more child-like; I speak like a five-year-old; I’m too embarrassed to speak in my normal voice around family. I always put on an act. This makes me feel retarded.

    3. Through high school and A Levels, I had a tendency to download pictures of the girls I liked so that I could fantasize over them - that’s the polite way of saying that I’d elicit semen over them. I must have saved over 100 Facebook pictures of them; some of them are near pornographic.

    4. I didn’t do things that could have helped me; I was too scared to wear my glasses at all times during high school for example, so for the majority of that five years I made a fool of myself because I could barely tell when someone was looking at me, etc.

    5. When walking, I get nervous of cars that drive in my direction. When someone beeps their horn, I immediately feel as though they are beeping at me and question ‘what was the point in that?’.

    6. I walk funny. People have been mentioning it for years and I don’t know what I can do about it.

    7. I try not to show any emotion when outside; happy people are ill-disciplined, in my mind.

    8. I always feel superior to others (literally everyone), but the effects of this actually leads me to feel far inferior to others. It’s a constant cycle.

    9. I have no future ambitions because I never think that I will live that long. Death is always an alternative- that has been my attitude since school: ‘If I do well, that’s fine. If I don’t, I could always die’. My degree is just me pretending to be constructive; I didn’t expect to be here this long.

    10. I genuinely think I’ve only spoken to around ten different (face to face) people in the past year. Most of them are strangers.


    I have more but I can't post them here as people will just think I am joking.
    What was your childhood like?
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    What are you asking us?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    These are some things that I have never openly expressed to anyone before; by posting them here, I hope to feel a sort of relief.

    1. I think my dad may have sexually abused my sister during childhood.

    2. I speak differently at home when with family: I speak more child-like; I speak like a five-year-old; I’m too embarrassed to speak in my normal voice around family. I always put on an act. This makes me feel retarded.

    3. Through high school and A Levels, I had a tendency to download pictures of the girls I liked so that I could fantasize over them - that’s the polite way of saying that I’d elicit semen over them. I must have saved over 100 Facebook pictures of them; some of them are near pornographic.

    4. I didn’t do things that could have helped me; I was too scared to wear my glasses at all times during high school for example, so for the majority of that five years I made a fool of myself because I could barely tell when someone was looking at me, etc.

    5. When walking, I get nervous of cars that drive in my direction. When someone beeps their horn, I immediately feel as though they are beeping at me and question ‘what was the point in that?’.

    6. I walk funny. People have been mentioning it for years and I don’t know what I can do about it.

    7. I try not to show any emotion when outside; happy people are ill-disciplined, in my mind.

    8. I always feel superior to others (literally everyone), but the effects of this actually leads me to feel far inferior to others. It’s a constant cycle.

    9. I have no future ambitions because I never think that I will live that long. Death is always an alternative- that has been my attitude since school: ‘If I do well, that’s fine. If I don’t, I could always die’. My degree is just me pretending to be constructive; I didn’t expect to be here this long.

    10. I genuinely think I’ve only spoken to around ten different (face to face) people in the past year. Most of them are strangers.


    I have more but I can't post them here as people will just think I am joking.
    you're in college right?

    then again they're not really secret if you put them here?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Tootles)
    What was your childhood like?
    Is this a proper question? If not I'll save time and just write a bit crap.
    (Original post by Zargabaath)
    What are you asking us?
    Nothing. As I said at the beginning, these are just some things that I have never told anyone or behaviours that I have not admitted before. I just wanted to get them out there. I have no real expectations of what this will achieve.

    (Original post by bigmeat)
    you're in college right?
    then again they're not really secret if you put them here?
    I'm at university.
    I used the Anonymous feature, so I suppose they are still 'secrets'. Maybe.
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    1) why on earth would you think that?

    2) want to stop feeling retarded? Stop acting retarded.

    3) nobody cares, we've all got our thing...

    4) see point 2

    5) congratulations on your anxiety, join the club

    6) if it bothers you so much; figure out how you're walking funny and don't walk funny.. maybe they're just making fun of you when in fact walk normally...

    7) oh you try look emotionless? Most people
    Do, they think it makes them look stronger smh. At least you have the ability to empathise with people...

    8) good. Be better than everyone else **** then.

    9) Seem a tad depressed, go stop being depressed idk

    10) 10? I haven't had to initiate a conversation with a stranger in over a year.

    On phone sorry for any typos and *****y punctuation.
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    Would you consider speaking to a counsellor or a clinical psychologist about your troubles?
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    (Original post by 34908seikj)
    2) want to stop feeling retarded? Stop acting retarded.
    .
    You even provided an example of what to avoid. How nice of you.
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    Your troubles are mostly normal, apart from the way you speak around your family, which probably isn't that much of an issue given that your family accepts it.
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    (Original post by JabaDaba12)
    You even provided an example of what to avoid. How nice of you.
    It was in the context of OP speaking like a 5 year old.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 34908seikj)
    1) why on earth would you think that?
    When I was around 6 years old I remember a specific day where me and my mum were upstairs, and I decided to go downstairs. In the back-room the door was closed so I opened it and saw my older sister sort of on her knees in her underwear and crying. My dad told me to go and play upstairs, so I did without mentioning it ever since. There were numerous times where she would cry because of him due to fear or something else, and she was weird around him for the next couple of years. Only recently have they started acting 'normal'.
    (Original post by 34908seikj)
    6) if it bothers you so much; figure out how you're walking funny and don't walk funny.. maybe they're just making fun of you when in fact walk normally...
    I've seen videos of my self and I agree that I walk strange. This has been for the past ten years or so that I've been aware of it. Some say I slouch too much and therefore I have tried to stiffen up a bit, others say I barely move my head/arms, etc. I have no idea.
    (Original post by tianshan)
    Would you consider speaking to a counsellor or a clinical psychologist about your troubles?
    "8. I always feel superior to others (literally everyone), but the effects of this actually leads me to feel far inferior to others. It’s a constant cycle"
    Feeling superior means that I wouldn't seek proper help. Likewise, I sort of feel as though people who see these professionals are less respectable or 'weaker', etc, even though I know this probably isn't true. I can never see myself breaking this cycle.
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    It sounds like you may have some form of autism/aspergers and narcissistic personality disorder.

    You may want to get a professional diagnosis if you really want to break out of the cycle, it's worth finding out and dealing with the problems rather than hiding away from them (this never helps and just ends up biting you in the behind).

    Good luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    "8. I always feel superior to others (literally everyone), but the effects of this actually leads me to feel far inferior to others. It’s a constant cycle"
    Feeling superior means that I wouldn't seek proper help. Likewise, I sort of feel as though people who see these professionals are less respectable or 'weaker', etc, even though I know this probably isn't true. I can never see myself breaking this cycle.
    No, these professionals are specially trained to help people overcome their problems. Why do you care about other people's opinions anyway? If you don't acknowledge the fact that you have a problem, if you're going to keep your arrogant attitude, then I guess you're always going to have to feel like this. Sorry, bud.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Is this a proper question? If not I'll save time and just write a bit crap.
    :dong:

    Welcome to the club. PTSD at sixteen shouldn't happen.

    I was actually going to say you appear to have anxiety/depression/low self esteem, and from some of the things you've said you also sound like you may be autistic. Which - hold your horses - doesn't mean you're retarded.

    Go to a doctor.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    These are some things that I have never openly expressed to anyone before; by posting them here, I hope to feel a sort of relief.

    2. I speak differently at home when with family: I speak more child-like; I speak like a five-year-old; I’m too embarrassed to speak in my normal voice around family. I always put on an act. This makes me feel retarded.

    3. Through high school and A Levels, I had a tendency to download pictures of the girls I liked so that I could fantasize over them

    6. I walk funny. People have been mentioning it for years.
    I relate to these so much and I've never mentioned any of it to anyone until now.

    2. I've done this for years and I have no idea why, it just subconsciously happens when I'm speaking to my mum. I'm more conscious of it and try to talk with more maturity now but it really bothers me as I feel like I can't be taken seriously.

    3. I used to do this also. I fantasised all day long about people I knew and had a connection with. I created my own world with them inside my head where I could experience all of my darkest fantasies. Looking at random people was never enough.

    6. My mum used to point out my walk all the time and it's made me conscious about it ever since. Saying I "walk like a man" because I walk "too fast" and whatever else. It made me so insecure about my walk and I never knew how I could sort it out. I do have terrible posture (forward head) so that adds to it too.

    It's so relieving to see something so relatable, thanks for sharing this.
 
 
 
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