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Boyfriend's lad's holiday in amsterdam :(
Posting as anon coz I know people who come on here and I dont want them to know how upset I am.
Ok, so basically my boyfriend told me yesterday that hes going on holiday to Amsterdam soon with his mates. Its a last minute thing coz they want to go off on a lad's break. I really really dont want him to go. It would be fine if it was anywhere but Amsterdam, but its so well known for its red light district and sex shows that the thought of him going there without me is making me feel sick.
Alot of the mates he's going with are single and out for a good time, if you get what I mean. My boyfriend says hes only going for the beer and the drinking etc, but hes blatantly going to visit the red light district. Thats what most men go there for. Alot of his friends sleep around and I'm worried that they'll all get drunk and encourage eachother to go with prostitutes.
We've been together for a few months and I've never felt this strongly for someone before. We're both 18 and I know its not my place to tell him what he can and cant do, but I just wish he'd realise how worried and upset I'm getting over this. If it was the other way round and I knew he was feeling this way, I wouldn't go.
I just dont know what to do. I dont want to come across as clingy and controlling but I just feel really upset about the whole idea. The way I see it, hes got me. Why would he want to go and look at other naked women in the red light district?
Shall I talk to him? I have a feeling he'll just go anyway, as I've kinda mentioned how I feel and he didnt seem to want to listen. We dont see eachother that often at the moment either (we met at uni and we live about 2 hrs apart) so its extra difficult anyway.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I just trust him? The whole thought it just making me feel so down. If he goes, there'll be loads of photos of the women etc and I dont want to have to see it all
Ok, so basically my boyfriend told me yesterday that hes going on holiday to Amsterdam soon with his mates. Its a last minute thing coz they want to go off on a lad's break. I really really dont want him to go. It would be fine if it was anywhere but Amsterdam, but its so well known for its red light district and sex shows that the thought of him going there without me is making me feel sick.
Alot of the mates he's going with are single and out for a good time, if you get what I mean. My boyfriend says hes only going for the beer and the drinking etc, but hes blatantly going to visit the red light district. Thats what most men go there for. Alot of his friends sleep around and I'm worried that they'll all get drunk and encourage eachother to go with prostitutes.
We've been together for a few months and I've never felt this strongly for someone before. We're both 18 and I know its not my place to tell him what he can and cant do, but I just wish he'd realise how worried and upset I'm getting over this. If it was the other way round and I knew he was feeling this way, I wouldn't go.
I just dont know what to do. I dont want to come across as clingy and controlling but I just feel really upset about the whole idea. The way I see it, hes got me. Why would he want to go and look at other naked women in the red light district?
Shall I talk to him? I have a feeling he'll just go anyway, as I've kinda mentioned how I feel and he didnt seem to want to listen. We dont see eachother that often at the moment either (we met at uni and we live about 2 hrs apart) so its extra difficult anyway.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I just trust him? The whole thought it just making me feel so down. If he goes, there'll be loads of photos of the women etc and I dont want to have to see it all
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Ive just got back from a 5 day trip to amsterdam and me and our mates have visited, the van gogh museum, an art market, anne frank house, canal cruises, the jordaan and coffeshops, drinking our heads off etc. Not everyone goes to amsterdam just for the sex, the RLD is not what amsterdam is all about. Plenty of people there are for the culture and the sex isnt everywhere. You should know your boyfriend and what he will do, its not like you have to go to the RLD if you go to amsterdam. That said his friends will rly have an impact on it..
I think you're overreacting. Sure, stuff like that goes on in Amsterdam but that just cos your boyfriend changes location doesn't mean he will change his personality. If you're having doubts about how he'll behave out there then I don't think you can trust him that much.
Yeah, guys don't just go there to sleep with prostitutes. For all you know he could go, get some time with his friends and enjoy the experience and then come back having missed you.
You really need to trust him here but if you have serious worries then mention them to him, it's only fair that he knows how you feel about it. Probably wont stop him going but maybe he'll be less tempted to do anything stupid if that's what his mates are doing.
You really need to trust him here but if you have serious worries then mention them to him, it's only fair that he knows how you feel about it. Probably wont stop him going but maybe he'll be less tempted to do anything stupid if that's what his mates are doing.
Have some trust in him, if he cares about you he won't be going to the red light district, there is lots of other things to do in Amsterdam.
Don't worry. A few of us went to Amsterdam (our hostel was in the RLD) and got drunk, but we didn't feel compelled to sleep with whores. Yes, he'll go to the red light district, but so does everyone (plenty of 50 year old couples walking around) because it's the most lively and vibrant place in the city. If you trust him, I really wouldn't fret.
If you dont trust him then why are you with him?
The best thing you can do is trust him to go on this holiday...if he cheats then you're well shot of him anyway...besides I wouldnt count visiting the RL district as cheating anyway but I can understand why it upsets you.
Besides, I dont think you can really put yourself in his shoes when you say you wouldnt go on holiday with your mates just cos he didnt like it. If you had perfectly innocent intentions when going on holiday, like he probably does, then why shouldnt you go?
When he comes back from a perfectly innocent holiday then you'll be stronger than ever cos you'll know you can trust him
The best thing you can do is trust him to go on this holiday...if he cheats then you're well shot of him anyway...besides I wouldnt count visiting the RL district as cheating anyway but I can understand why it upsets you.
Besides, I dont think you can really put yourself in his shoes when you say you wouldnt go on holiday with your mates just cos he didnt like it. If you had perfectly innocent intentions when going on holiday, like he probably does, then why shouldnt you go?
When he comes back from a perfectly innocent holiday then you'll be stronger than ever cos you'll know you can trust him
sophisticated
If you dont trust him then why are you with him?
The best thing you can do is trust him to go on this holiday...if he cheats then you're well shot of him anyway...besides I wouldnt count visiting the RL district as cheating anyway but I can understand why it upsets you.
Besides, I dont think you can really put yourself in his shoes when you say you wouldnt go on holiday with your mates just cos he didnt like it. If you had perfectly innocent intentions when going on holiday, like he probably does, then why shouldnt you go?
When he comes back from a perfectly innocent holiday then you'll be stronger than ever cos you'll know you can trust him
The best thing you can do is trust him to go on this holiday...if he cheats then you're well shot of him anyway...besides I wouldnt count visiting the RL district as cheating anyway but I can understand why it upsets you.
Besides, I dont think you can really put yourself in his shoes when you say you wouldnt go on holiday with your mates just cos he didnt like it. If you had perfectly innocent intentions when going on holiday, like he probably does, then why shouldnt you go?
When he comes back from a perfectly innocent holiday then you'll be stronger than ever cos you'll know you can trust him
Most of it I agree with but you don't class going to the red light district and getting laid as cheating
I think you should trust him not to have sex but expect him to be seeing some erotic shows-but as said they'll be "fun" more than anything. At 18 I'd be very surprised if he had the confidence or want to sleep with a prostitute. He's probably even gonna get ID'd going into bars and stuff so you know.
But actually, I think his mates may just wanna go to amsterdam because of the dope cafes and its fame bars with a thousand differet beers and the like. Plus is cheap to go.
But actually, I think his mates may just wanna go to amsterdam because of the dope cafes and its fame bars with a thousand differet beers and the like. Plus is cheap to go.
Tufts
If he knew you were this insecure, why did he make the decision to go?
Whilst your insecurity is *your* responsibility, he is showing insensitivity by going regardless.
Have you thought about finding a boyfriend who is more like you?
Whilst your insecurity is *your* responsibility, he is showing insensitivity by going regardless.
Have you thought about finding a boyfriend who is more like you?
He's perfectly allowed to enjoy is life outside of a relationship, she needs to tackle her problem end of.
Oh there's not exactly a lack of prostitutes outside of Amsterdam. If that's all he wanted, he'd have done it already. There is more to Amsterdam than brothels, although they are obviously tempting. Btw Cowz, nobody gets ID'd in Amsterdam. I've never been ID'd in any mainland European city in my life, and I don't look as old as I am. He'll see some naked women, it's basically impossible not to in Amsterdam, but that shouldn't make you insecure. Lots of blokes go to Strip clubs in the UK - it doesn't mean they're cheating on their gf. It's just porn but better.
Tufts
If he knew you were this insecure, why did he make the decision to go?
Whilst your insecurity is *your* responsibility, he is showing insensitivity by going regardless.
Have you thought about finding a boyfriend who is more like you?
Whilst your insecurity is *your* responsibility, he is showing insensitivity by going regardless.
Have you thought about finding a boyfriend who is more like you?
I think the fact is that they haven't discussed the issue properly:
OP
I just wish he'd realise how worried and upset I'm getting over this. If it was the other way round and I knew he was feeling this way, I wouldn't go.
...
Shall I talk to him? I have a feeling he'll just go anyway, as I've kinda mentioned how I feel and he didnt seem to want to listen.
...
Shall I talk to him? I have a feeling he'll just go anyway, as I've kinda mentioned how I feel and he didnt seem to want to listen.
You really need to communicate about this fully.
Also, realise that your relationship is still in the very early stages. I found that it took me about 7/8 months to get over stupid jealousies, trust issues etc. They disappeared as the relationship matured. Maybe you'll have to put your feelings on hold for his benefit here. You do seem to have got overwraught about the situation.
Don't think you're not suited, but maybe you have to have a think about if you're sexually compatible in terms of values as well as the physical side!
Rock Fan
He's perfectly allowed to enjoy is life outside of a relationship, she needs to tackle her problem end of.
If he wants to lead this lifestyle, he should not have chosen to be with someone who was insecure.
Insecure people need patience and understanding. Thats why I advise that she seeks someone who is like herself. Someone who understands.
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