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Really unhappy at uni because of breakup - advice please. Watch

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    So basically I was with a guy for the majority of first year which I know is not recommended, and he visited every weekend ( all weekend) which is also not recommended. It came to be that I didn't really enjoy uni mcuh anyway- I only enjoyed time there when I was with him and I just waited for the weekends the rest of the time. I have some good friends but no one there that replaces him and now we've broken up wverywhere and everything there reminds me of him because all my key memories there involved him. I've got to spend anothe two years there and the thought fills me with so much dread- I did have 10 weeks without him there and nothing really got better I spent all the time feeling anxious and upset and I got involved with so many things but they just made it worse. I think I need to do something before next year but I'm not sure what - any advice ?
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    Break ups are really tough. I remember revisiting places that I'd been happy with my ex and it bringing tears to my eyes. Could you transfer to a new uni? Or perhaps less drastically go and see a young persons councillor, the Union probably has a service, and see if it can help. In my experience they can be really in tune and talking it though could help. In hindsight I don't think there are much better environments than uni for helping with getting over a relationship. My standard advise is throw yourself in to friends, wine, music, work, new hobbies and new love. But it's really only time which heals. Good luck
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    Ok first things first, did you choose a course that you wanted to do, or did you choose based on relationship? If you chose based on your own interests then I'd say definitely stick at it because you wanted to do it and shouldnt let a bad experience ruin your next step...

    If youre struggling with the break up try talking to family or to some counselling services at youre uni, maybe try doing new stuff, things he never would have done so it can't remind you of him

    Maybe join some new clubs, perhaps this is your chance to find out who you really are

    If you like your subject then thats the most important thing, or, if you chose to follow him perhaps have a think about possibly deferring and maybe transferring to another university next year

    If this is just because of the break up believe me youll come out the other side that much stronger

    I dont know you or enough about you but i do know lifes too short to let someone make you unhappy and too long for regrets

    For now, if youre still at uni, try to enjoy the single life maybe mr right will find you

    Keep your chin up, be proud of who you are and maybe try to make some new friends

    Peace
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    (Original post by Bll123)
    So basically I was with a guy for the majority of first year which I know is not recommended, and he visited every weekend ( all weekend) which is also not recommended. It came to be that I didn't really enjoy uni mcuh anyway- I only enjoyed time there when I was with him and I just waited for the weekends the rest of the time. I have some good friends but no one there that replaces him and now we've broken up wverywhere and everything there reminds me of him because all my key memories there involved him. I've got to spend anothe two years there and the thought fills me with so much dread- I did have 10 weeks without him there and nothing really got better I spent all the time feeling anxious and upset and I got involved with so many things but they just made it worse. I think I need to do something before next year but I'm not sure what - any advice ?
    Get another boyfriend quickly and you'll forget about him. This sounds weird but just do a rebound

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    I'm assuming that you're probably 19.

    He's just a blip of what's to come in your future. Don't waste your good years pining over someone or something that wasn't meant to be. There's honestly so much more to look forward to.

    Hang in there.
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    (Original post by Bll123)
    So basically I was with a guy for the majority of first year which I know is not recommended, and he visited every weekend ( all weekend) which is also not recommended. It came to be that I didn't really enjoy uni mcuh anyway- I only enjoyed time there when I was with him and I just waited for the weekends the rest of the time. I have some good friends but no one there that replaces him and now we've broken up wverywhere and everything there reminds me of him because all my key memories there involved him. I've got to spend anothe two years there and the thought fills me with so much dread- I did have 10 weeks without him there and nothing really got better I spent all the time feeling anxious and upset and I got involved with so many things but they just made it worse. I think I need to do something before next year but I'm not sure what - any advice ?
    I can semi relate to this, not been in the exact same position but had one person I was close to that I spent most of my time with in first year at uni and ended up losing them. Used to legit spend around 10 hours a day with them some days, even as high as 15.

    It's the summer now, you'll just need to go into 2nd year ready to start fresh, try and meet new people and try find new things to do on the weekend. Try arrange more stuff with the friends you already have or join some clubs and meet new people. Best way to get over someone is to find someone else so try and put yourself out there. Once you can invest yourself into somebody new it will take a load off and help you move on.

    Everyone always says to join clubs etc, I never did either, longer than 1 or 2 weeks. There's either nothing you're hugely passionate about or you just don't want to turn up to something where you don't know anyway. But definitely a good place to start for this, meet new people, try and do something you like to keep you busy and it will take care of itself. Best thing for stuff like this is time, it will slowly start to get easier, can speed it up by going out and finding something new.

    Don't know if that helps, feel free to ask anything or drop a message, happy to help, sure everyone else in here will be too Hope it gets better for you :o:
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    Thank you every one so much!
    I can't transfer but I did pick the course for myself and not for him so I'm determined to stick it out. I feel like such an idiot like I'm over reacting about it and I. Know things will get better but the last few weeks of term were honestly horrendous.
    And AndrewSCO I totally get what you mean but even during summer which it is now I'm finding it impossible to even imagine going back to uni and I know I need to be in a different mindset but I feel stuck I have no energy for it
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    (Original post by Bll123)
    Thank you every one so much!
    I can't transfer but I did pick the course for myself and not for him so I'm determined to stick it out. I feel like such an idiot like I'm over reacting about it and I. Know things will get better but the last few weeks of term were honestly horrendous.
    And AndrewSCO I totally get what you mean but even during summer which it is now I'm finding it impossible to even imagine going back to uni and I know I need to be in a different mindset but I feel stuck I have no energy for it
    Could you go back to basics, and write yourself a list of why you wanted to do that course, and why you wanted to go to that university? Do it when you're in a fairly good mood, and then when you're struggling you'll have something concrete to look at. Sometimes a reminder is all you need.

    It's OK to not be over it. When I went through a breakup, I felt like I had to be OK after a couple of weeks. You won't be, and that's normal. It will slowly start to hurt less - it might not feel like it at the moment, but you'll start to think about it less and less.
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    (Original post by Bll123)
    Thank you every one so much!
    I can't transfer but I did pick the course for myself and not for him so I'm determined to stick it out. I feel like such an idiot like I'm over reacting about it and I. Know things will get better but the last few weeks of term were honestly horrendous.
    And AndrewSCO I totally get what you mean but even during summer which it is now I'm finding it impossible to even imagine going back to uni and I know I need to be in a different mindset but I feel stuck I have no energy for it
    I don't think you're overreacting or being an idiot, happens to the best of us. My situation ended right on the last week of uni and then I had the whole summer too with it, but I had the 'benefit' of changing unis afterwards (for failing not because of the situation :laugh:) so maybe that helped but not sure if it did really.

    You've still got 1-2 months before uni, that's a decent amount of time to move on even a little bit so you're willing to try new things. Try talking to people about it, let it out, just vent at someone until you feel better. Once you get to uni I'm sure it will get better, naturally you'll find people to talk to, even if you're just spending more time with your current friends and I'm sure you'll meet someone new in no time!
 
 
 
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