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How to fix things with my best friend who is acting colder with me. watch

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    So, when I went to uni my class sizes were large and I somehow never ended up making many friends. Sure I made acquaintances but there is almost no one or no one I could really consider a friend. I am a socially awkward guy and kind of a geek and sometimes I just do not know what to say to people. I am straight but somehow before university I found I got along better with girls than guys. Mostly cause a lot of guys I've met would talk about things like sports and sometimes stuff that I consider borderline objectification of women and that always made me uncomfortable.


    Anyway I met this girl in one of my classes (which is a field that is heavily male dominated), we had a lot of common interests, and she seemed kind of shy and awkward like myself. It was almost freaky how similar to me she was, like we both do not have any images of ourselves on facebook and concerned about privacy and stuff. We connected a lot and while I am not sure how she felt about me, she became someone I trusted and I considered her to be my best friend.

    During the last term however, I did very badly in some of my classes, because I was facing many personal problems at the time. I thought I had ruined my career because of that. I started messaging her a lot about it, that was fine and she was compassionate and helpful. But then I don't know what got into me and I would just start ranting on and on for days with her about how I my career is over. I know that was wrong and I became incredibly whiny with her and then she would not respond sometimes and I would maybe be a little rude with her.

    Since that happened, it seemed like she wanted to cut me out of her life for a few weeks. And I felt bad about it got some sense knocked into me. Then we started talking again since a while now but it doesn't quite feel the same even after months. I feel she is acting cold towards me at times, and we don't speak in person as much when we see each other. For a while she would never tell me anything about her life and what is going on then she started opening up again.

    I know what I did was horrible and no one likes a whiny person, but I really wish things went back to normal and I could have my best friend back. I don't know what to do. I feel guilt over the whole thing every time I see her and I want to just cry and apologise. She is the nicest person I have met and I don't think many people would even be talking to me after the amount of whining I did.

    I want to be able to hang out with her again but I am scared she will reject me if I ask by not answering or something.

    I appreciate any advice.
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    It is hard to understand how she feels right now. There are moments where she is pretty friendly and then she suddenly becomes colder and talks less to me. It is almost as though she might be forcing herself to not get to close to me.
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    Well if you feel that she is your best friend, then why not open up about the situation to her? If she is as nice as you describe her then she would understand and open up to you too. Stop assuming!(that's like the sin)she might be acting cold because of other external factors and it might not be necessarily you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It is hard to understand how she feels right now. There are moments where she is pretty friendly and then she suddenly becomes colder and talks less to me. It is almost as though she might be forcing herself to not get to close to me.
    Well what you did wasn't horrible. We all get a little selfish and self-centered and get caught up in our own feelings, we often forget about someone else's. It's fine, but of course at the time, she probably thought you were being inconsiderate towards her and her life.

    What I would suggest you do is sit down with her, perhaps in public - face-to-face is more appropriate and tell her how you feel and what's on your mind relating to your friendship with her. Don't drag on about your feelings, but ask about hers. Ask her if everything is alright with her life; home life, etc as the poster above said, it might not be you that's the issue but something else that's effecting her.

    It will be silly to lose a friend over something so trivial. But Aunt Wendy says; friends are either in your life for a reason or a season and if you give them a reason to leave, then they'll go in that season. This might be the case for you. Maybe she just simply doesn't want to be friends and if that's the case, you have to accept it and move on. That's the worst case scenario though.

    Friends will come and go in your life and I think it's petty to hold a grudge. It's what you do in your teens, not in your twenties. But some still do it cause they haven't grown up yet.

    But, like I said: I would ask to meet up for a catch up. If she refuses or says she's busy or cancels, then refer to my 2nd paragraph and find yourself a new friend.

    Good luck! :flutter:
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    (Original post by cats_and_music)
    Well if you feel that she is your best friend, then why not open up about the situation to her? If she is as nice as you describe her then she would understand and open up to you too. Stop assuming!(that's like the sin)she might be acting cold because of other external factors and it might not be necessarily you.
    (Original post by The Empire Odyssey)
    Well what you did wasn't horrible. We all get a little selfish and self-centered and get caught up in our own feelings, we often forget about someone else's. It's fine, but of course at the time, she probably thought you were being inconsiderate towards her and her life.

    What I would suggest you do is sit down with her, perhaps in public - face-to-face is more appropriate and tell her how you feel and what's on your mind relating to your friendship with her. Don't drag on about your feelings, but ask about hers. Ask her if everything is alright with her life; home life, etc as the poster above said, it might not be you that's the issue but something else that's effecting her.

    It will be silly to lose a friend over something so trivial. But Aunt Wendy says; friends are either in your life for a reason or a season and if you give them a reason to leave, then they'll go in that season. This might be the case for you. Maybe she just simply doesn't want to be friends and if that's the case, you have to accept it and move on. That's the worst case scenario though.

    Friends will come and go in your life and I think it's petty to hold a grudge. It's what you do in your teens, not in your twenties. But some still do it cause they haven't grown up yet.

    But, like I said: I would ask to meet up for a catch up. If she refuses or says she's busy or cancels, then refer to my 2nd paragraph and find yourself a new friend.

    Good luck! :flutter:
    So, she started acting more and more friendly again on her own, and while it isn't as good as it used to be it is a huge improvement. I did talk to her and apologise. She did not have much to say about that except that she was glad I'm doing better. I did this over the phone. I only meet her these days at a place we both volunteer doing different things.

    I am tempted to ask her to hang out or have lunch sometime but I am slightly scared she won't respond or will refuse even though she seems quite friendly now.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So, she started acting more and more friendly again on her own, and while it isn't as good as it used to be it is a huge improvement. I did talk to her and apologise. She did not have much to say about that except that she was glad I'm doing better. I did this over the phone. I only meet her these days at a place we both volunteer doing different things.

    I am tempted to ask her to hang out or have lunch sometime but I am slightly scared she won't respond or will refuse even though she seems quite friendly now.
    Yeah go for it The chances that she is going to say no are pretty much nonexistent, I mean it's just lunch with you friend. who doesn't love food
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So, she started acting more and more friendly again on her own, and while it isn't as good as it used to be it is a huge improvement. I did talk to her and apologise. She did not have much to say about that except that she was glad I'm doing better. I did this over the phone. I only meet her these days at a place we both volunteer doing different things.

    I am tempted to ask her to hang out or have lunch sometime but I am slightly scared she won't respond or will refuse even though she seems quite friendly now.
    Well I'm glad it's turned out better.

    Like Cat said, go for it - you have nothing to lose right? As I said, maintaining any sort of relationship is hard work and it doesn't make you a high maintenance friend. So just ask her to catch up in person. Don't be scared of rejection. If she says no, then that's on her, not you cause all you can say is "Well at least I tried"!

    Good luck! :flutter:
 
 
 
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