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after 2 months of not seeing each other is it time to give up? watch

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    i was seeing a girl for a while, then all of a sudden she wants a "break" because of her anxiety (she had told me about this previously). This was about 2 months ago now. Factored into this is the fact that we have both had holidays which makes up about a month of that time. We've spoken over the phone several times, not just quick chats, a couple of hours.

    Before she went on holiday a couple of weeks ago she was texting me and asking where i was going that night. When I said I wanted to see her she said she did too (we were both drunk). The next day I text to see if she wanted to see each other before she went on holiday but she said she had stuff on (it was only 2 days until she went away).

    The other day I text her when she came back from her trip asking how she was etc. then i ask if she wanted to meet up. I don't get any reply to this text at all. So as far as i was concerned things were completely done, and i was fine with that because i told myself that this was immature of her. Then she replies to one of my posts on social media acting like nothing has happened, which makes me confused. If she didn't want to see me why would she still talk to me?

    Every time I'm convinced that things wont work out she does something that makes me think otherwise. If things are done then how am i supposed to get over her if she keeps doing things like texting me drunk saying she wants to see me, or liking and commenting on my posts on facebook and twitter. I want things to work out but i'm so confused by her behaviour.
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    Well, I think that the best step in this direction so far would be to message her and be like "Hey, listen we need to talk.." and of course from there go and explain how you feel, how she has confused you and you wanna work things out
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    How does someone need a break because of anxiety?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i was seeing a girl for a while, then all of a sudden she wants a "break" because of her anxiety (she had told me about this previously). This was about 2 months ago now. Factored into this is the fact that we have both had holidays which makes up about a month of that time. We've spoken over the phone several times, not just quick chats, a couple of hours.

    Before she went on holiday a couple of weeks ago she was texting me and asking where i was going that night. When I said I wanted to see her she said she did too (we were both drunk). The next day I text to see if she wanted to see each other before she went on holiday but she said she had stuff on (it was only 2 days until she went away).

    The other day I text her when she came back from her trip asking how she was etc. then i ask if she wanted to meet up. I don't get any reply to this text at all. So as far as i was concerned things were completely done, and i was fine with that because i told myself that this was immature of her. Then she replies to one of my posts on social media acting like nothing has happened, which makes me confused. If she didn't want to see me why would she still talk to me?

    Every time I'm convinced that things wont work out she does something that makes me think otherwise. If things are done then how am i supposed to get over her if she keeps doing things like texting me drunk saying she wants to see me, or liking and commenting on my posts on facebook and twitter. I want things to work out but i'm so confused by her behaviour.
    I would just give up on her, anxiety or not she is mucking you around, try not to reply to her texts when she is drunk.
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    (Original post by theonecenter)
    Well, I think that the best step in this direction so far would be to message her and be like "Hey, listen we need to talk.." and of course from there go and explain how you feel, how she has confused you and you wanna work things out
    I've made it clear how i feel, i've been putting in all the effort and getting very little in return.

    (Original post by Atlas Thugged)
    How does someone need a break because of anxiety?
    she said she was feeling really unwell mentally and didn't want it to affect me, she said she didn't want to break up but that she just needed a bit of time on her own to sort her head out

    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    I would just give up on her, anxiety or not she is mucking you around, try not to reply to her texts when she is drunk.
    i'm not sure what i did to deserve this. I don't know why she would not find my text worthy of a response but a tweet which isn't aimed directly at her does deserve a response. I've never had this kind of behaviour from a girl before.

    It's not even the fact she doesn't want to see me that gets me down, it's more so that she obviously doesn't care about my feelings anymore (if she did at all) and that i'm apparently not even worth a proper break up. It's just difficult to get over someone when you don't get any closure and in the back of your mind you still have a little bit of hope.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    she said she was feeling really unwell mentally and didn't want it to affect me, she said she didn't want to break up but that she just needed a bit of time on her own to sort her head out
    I get that but if you're together she should be able to feel she can turn to you even during really hard times, in general I actually do think guys should be caring rather than some sort of Alpha-male fronting which is pathetic, but she's treating you badly. The fact she pushed you away is wrong and there is no excuse.
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    Just going to jump in here as someone with anxiety.

    It is entirely possible her behaviour can be explained by anxiety. It sounds weird but she may be to anxious to reply sometimes and then too anxious to explain later so she covers it up by acting like nothing happened. She may also feel anxious about seeing you in person but is okay with the remote contact you have now.

    It's okay if her behaviour upsets/confuses you so you want to break up (but just keep in mind it could be due to her illness so be nice about it). You should have a conversation with her where you express your feelings but do not blame her and allow her to express her feelings, then decide what the best course of action is.
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    (Original post by monkyvirus)
    Just going to jump in here as someone with anxiety.

    It is entirely possible her behaviour can be explained by anxiety. It sounds weird but she may be to anxious to reply sometimes and then too anxious to explain later so she covers it up by acting like nothing happened. She may also feel anxious about seeing you in person but is okay with the remote contact you have now.

    It's okay if her behaviour upsets/confuses you so you want to break up (but just keep in mind it could be due to her illness so be nice about it). You should have a conversation with her where you express your feelings but do not blame her and allow her to express her feelings, then decide what the best course of action is.
    it's not that i want to break up just because of her behaviour, it's just that i have emotional needs of my own which cannot be met with the kind of contact i would have with an acquaintance.

    You think I should contact her? I want to, but every time i do it ends up making me feel low and unwanted. I actually considered not even texting her the other day because i was feeling happy and i knew that if she wasn't being chatty and didn't agree to meet then it would make me feel awful.

    She's still a human being, she must surely realise how this sort of behaviour and this time apart would make me feel? Unless anxiety makes her oblivious to others' feeling (i genuinely don't know if it does)? I've been really patient and understanding these past couple of months and i feel like it hasn't been appreciated.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    it's not that i want to break up just because of her behaviour, it's just that i have emotional needs of my own which cannot be met with the kind of contact i would have with an acquaintance.

    You think I should contact her? I want to, but every time i do it ends up making me feel low and unwanted. I actually considered not even texting her the other day because i was feeling happy and i knew that if she wasn't being chatty and didn't agree to meet then it would make me feel awful.

    She's still a human being, she must surely realise how this sort of behaviour and this time apart would make me feel? Unless anxiety makes her oblivious to others' feeling (i genuinely don't know if it does)? I've been really patient and understanding these past couple of months and i feel like it hasn't been appreciated.
    If you think it would upset you to talk then you just owe her an official break up message (best to do in person but, as it seems like you can't organise an in person meeting, a phone call would be best so you can be sure she got it). This will at least stop you feeling like you're in a weird limbo.

    I personally would try and have a proper conversation about how you feel and what you would like to happen and equally from her side. However, if you don't feel up to that that's okay too.

    She probably does understand and feels guilty her anxiety makes her act in a way that's upsetting you. Though it's likely she feels too anxious to confront these issues head on. It is of course also possible she's just rude or whatever. However, it's best to give someone the benefit of the doubt when they're ill.
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    (Original post by monkyvirus)
    If you think it would upset you to talk then you just owe her an official break up message (best to do in person but, as it seems like you can't organise an in person meeting, a phone call would be best so you can be sure she got it). This will at least stop you feeling like you're in a weird limbo.

    I personally would try and have a proper conversation about how you feel and what you would like to happen and equally from her side. However, if you don't feel up to that that's okay too.

    She probably does understand and feels guilty her anxiety makes her act in a way that's upsetting you. Though it's likely she feels too anxious to confront these issues head on. It is of course also possible she's just rude or whatever. However, it's best to give someone the benefit of the doubt when they're ill.
    hmm well she did text me when she was drunk on holiday saying "i'm sorry" and when i asked what for she said "just for being me". I put it down to her just being a stupid level of drunk at the time
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hmm well she did text me when she was drunk on holiday saying "i'm sorry" and when i asked what for she said "just for being me". I put it down to her just being a stupid level of drunk at the time
    Story of my life... Let me just say, as someone who is anxious, that is a phrase that I have said so often it's not even funny. I think she's being genuine and this is all stemming from her illness. It's still cool to not want to date someone like that but just in case you were wondering she's not mucking you about for the hell of it.
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    (Original post by monkyvirus)
    Story of my life... Let me just say, as someone who is anxious, that is a phrase that I have said so often it's not even funny. I think she's being genuine and this is all stemming from her illness. It's still cool to not want to date someone like that but just in case you were wondering she's not mucking you about for the hell of it.
    thanks, you've been really helpful

    i still don't know what i'm going to do though
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thanks, you've been really helpful

    i still don't know what i'm going to do though
    That's okay, just wanted to give you the "anxious person" perspective. Take some time to think about it.

    Good luck! I'm sure it'll all work out whatever you decide
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've made it clear how i feel, i've been putting in all the effort and getting very little in return.



    she said she was feeling really unwell mentally and didn't want it to affect me, she said she didn't want to break up but that she just needed a bit of time on her own to sort her head out



    i'm not sure what i did to deserve this. I don't know why she would not find my text worthy of a response but a tweet which isn't aimed directly at her does deserve a response. I've never had this kind of behaviour from a girl before.

    It's not even the fact she doesn't want to see me that gets me down, it's more so that she obviously doesn't care about my feelings anymore (if she did at all) and that i'm apparently not even worth a proper break up. It's just difficult to get over someone when you don't get any closure and in the back of your mind you still have a little bit of hope.
    No it isn't fair on you, obviously she does have some problems but at the end of the day it is making you unhappy. I am not saying she's like ttthis but some guys and girls do not bother texting after a while or are just very short with you.
 
 
 
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