The Student Room Group

Boyfriend didn't get me a graduation gift

I know I'll come across as materialistic and petty, but I thought it was the norm for a boyfriend to give flowers or even just a card to acknowledge a huge day for their girlfriend. There was no big deal made whatsoever, I think he said ''well done'' when I told him about my high mark but nothing since that. He didn't go to university so maybe didn't see how big a deal graduation would be for me but he'd have surely known it's a once in a lifetime occasion I worked hard for and he didn't so much as get me a card or take me out anywhere.. nothing at all.

I've probably left it too late now to say anything about that but I'm quite hurt and want him to know I felt slightly let down by his reaction, or lack of. What would you say?

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Learn to not be hurt by this. Yes, you've graduated, but some don't see it as important as a birthday or even Christmas (especially your bf who didn't go to uni)
(edited 8 years ago)
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
I know I'll come across as materialistic and petty


Yup

Original post by Anonymous
What would you say?


Nothing, because I'm not materialistic and petty.
Original post by Anonymous
I know I'll come across as materialistic and petty, but I thought it was the norm for a boyfriend to give flowers or even just a card to acknowledge a huge day for their girlfriend. There was no big deal made whatsoever, I think he said ''well done'' when I told him about my high mark but nothing since that. He didn't go to university so maybe didn't see how big a deal graduation would be for me but he'd have surely known it's a once in a lifetime occasion I worked hard for and he didn't so much as get me a card or take me out anywhere.. nothing at all.

I've probably left it too late now to say anything about that but I'm quite hurt and want him to know I felt slightly let down by his reaction, or lack of. What would you say?


Leave him. Date me instead (evil laugh) hahaha👹
I didn't know graduation gifts were a thing:lol: Maybe a card but nothing more.
Reply 5
I wasn't expecting anything expensive, just a paper card or something to show he's acknowledging it as an important day I worked hard for :frown: It's bigger than a birthday or christmas, it's a huge achievement that he could have just acknowledged
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
It's bigger than a birthday or christmas, it's a huge achievement


In your opinion. I didn't even bother attending my graduation and have no idea where my certificate actually is in the house these days either.
I think you should let him know that this event was important to you (bigger than a birthday or Christmas) and you feel like he did not acknowledge its importance.
If he didn't go to university then he probably didn't realise. But talk to him about it if it's bothering you.

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Reply 9
Thanks for opinions. Thinking about it now, it's not even about a 'gift' as such, just him showing he cares/showing congratulations for completing something I really care about. I'm thinking about his reactions to a lot of things like when I got my dream job he didn't show that was a big deal either. I just feel like he needs to show he cares more instead of expecting me to be ok with no reaction all the time, but doubt he's aware of this.
I had no idea graduation gifts were a thing tbh.
Graduation gifts aren't a thing.
Reply 12
I don't really see why he would be required to get you a gift. As long as he was at your graduation or at least congratulated you on it then it's fine. Graduation gifts aren't a thing. Mine would probably just 'congratulate' me in private and I'd be fine with that.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for opinions. Thinking about it now, it's not even about a 'gift' as such, just him showing he cares/showing congratulations for completing something I really care about. I'm thinking about his reactions to a lot of things like when I got my dream job he didn't show that was a big deal either. I just feel like he needs to show he cares more instead of expecting me to be ok with no reaction all the time, but doubt he's aware of this.


You said he said well done in your original post, what else do you expect, a fanfare? Not making a huge fuss out of every achievement doesn't mean he doesn't care, it's just that he has a different response to these things than you do. Maybe you graduating with a high mark and landing your dream job makes him feel embarrassed that he didn't go to uni so he doesn't want to make a big fuss, did you ever think about that? Or did you just think "I've done well, make a fuss over me."
If he didn't go to uni then it's obviously not going to be as big a deal for him as it is for you. But I'm also not really sure why you feel the need for other people to congratulate and validate your achievements? A lot of people have a degree these days, I don't really think it's a huge deal either to be honest...like it's nothing special, really
You know, there's nicer ways of getting a point across than to make someone feel bad.

In shops, you see those congratulations cards with pictures of graduation hats, teddies, that sort of thing. At my ceremony, I saw girls getting necklaces, flowers, lots of hugs and photos, guys getting cards from partners and money from family, just that sort of thing. I thought it was custom to celebrate big special occasions with a card and all that cheesy stuff. Like I said I wasn't expecting anything expensive or over-the-top attention, just feeling a bit left out that he didn't dress up nice for the ceremony or get me a card or flowers, just nothing special seemed to happen while classmates got that from their partners.I love him and of course gifts are trivial things, it was more about celebrating something special for me, rather than not making any kind of deal whatsoever. Other people got photos put up of them by their boyfriends/girlfriends saying congratulations, I felt he just saw it as any other day.
Original post by Anonymous
I know I'll come across as materialistic and petty, but I thought it was the norm for a boyfriend to give flowers or even just a card to acknowledge a huge day for their girlfriend. There was no big deal made whatsoever, I think he said ''well done'' when I told him about my high mark but nothing since that. He didn't go to university so maybe didn't see how big a deal graduation would be for me but he'd have surely known it's a once in a lifetime occasion I worked hard for and he didn't so much as get me a card or take me out anywhere.. nothing at all.

I've probably left it too late now to say anything about that but I'm quite hurt and want him to know I felt slightly let down by his reaction, or lack of. What would you say?
You what?

Nobody bought me anything when I graduated, except a beer. Take into account that I've graduated three times. I didn't know it was "the norm" at all to get gifts.

Get over yourself.
Original post by Tootles
You what?

Nobody bought me anything when I graduated, except a beer. Take into account that I've graduated three times. I didn't know it was "the norm" at all to get gifts.

Get over yourself.


Is it doctor Tootles then?!?
people seem to be being pretty harsh on you even though i get what you mean. the thing is, graduating is an incredibly personal thing, its marking all the all nighters, stress , essays etc and so only you can appreciate how big it is, noone else apart from those in your class will really understand. i think some people dont udnerstand how much it means to you, the student, personally, maybe your mum and your dad because your proud; i wouldnt have expected anything huge if i were you but yeah your bf probably should have taken you out or something but he really wont get it as he didnt go to uni, id tell him if i were you but not make a big deal out of it just say you kind of expected just somehting more