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I've had it up to here with my mum. Is my anger justified? watch

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    I know that all parents are annoying from time to time but my mum goes above and beyond. I have finished my taught subjects at uni and only have my dissertation left. My mum kept telling me that I should come home to do the dissertation, as it would save me money. I had magically forgotten what a toxic environment her house was because distance makes the heart grow fonder, so I agreed.

    I don't laze around at home; I do housework and cook (along with other family members) on top of my dissertation and job applications. What I didn't know is that my mum had made plans to renovate the house over the summer. She is now using me and my brother as free labour by making us paint walls and doors, put up wallpaper, shift and replace furniture and a lot more. What's more is that some of the family members haven't lifted a finger to help with the renovations and she excuses this, saying that they won't do a proper job. She keeps yelling, is always calling us and having temper tantrums. My mood has been very sour over the past few weeks and I feel that coming back here was a mistake. I really am sick of her.
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    It is justified but that's what parents are for.
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    Your just doing some painting, big deal.
    I think your making a massive fuss out of it, my mother randomly asks me to do stuff like this all the time.

    If its getting in the way of your dissertation, having a negative impact then you should talk to her about it.
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    She probably missed you and wanted you home, but like the post above says - if it gets in the way of your dissertation then you need to sort it out with her, but ensure you're calm and direct. Remember you're both adults, so there needs to be a mutual respect.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know that all parents are annoying from time to time but my mum goes above and beyond. I have finished my taught subjects at uni and only have my dissertation left. My mum kept telling me that I should come home to do the dissertation, as it would save me money. I had magically forgotten what a toxic environment her house was because distance makes the heart grow fonder, so I agreed.

    I don't laze around at home; I do housework and cook (along with other family members) on top of my dissertation and job applications. What I didn't know is that my mum had made plans to renovate the house over the summer. She is now using me and my brother as free labour by making us paint walls and doors, put up wallpaper, shift and replace furniture and a lot more. What's more is that some of the family members haven't lifted a finger to help with the renovations and she excuses this, saying that they won't do a proper job. She keeps yelling, is always calling us and having temper tantrums. My mood has been very sour over the past few weeks and I feel that coming back here was a mistake. I really am sick of her.
    I actually understand this and I have the same problem at home as well. I think alot of the answers on here are quite ignorant and egocentric, not taking into account the fact that some family dynamics are toxic even if they seem not to be on the surface. You have to clearly outline to your mother what the problem is, i.e. 'Calling me every 5 mins to do odd jobs is distracting me from concentrating on my course at university and this is likely to affect a grade I will never be able to change.'

    I would also advise that you tell your mother that it was her that asked you to return for the summer and it is her that has failed to explain that there would be heavy distractions, such as renovations being carried out. Explain to her that you were under the impression that you would be given time and space to complete your assignments in order to achieve a good grade at university and from this, you will be able to look for better jobs which will ultimately benefit the whole family (you decide how if you go down this route).

    She should give you some room then. My mum has been like this this year, but I kept telling her repeatedly that I was hard at work trying to improve and she eventually got the message and would leave me alone when I was studying. You can have the same, you just need to drill the message in over and over again. Also, any impressive result you get from uni, please make casual links (when discussing with your mother) to these high grades and the amount of focus and attention you gave to the work i.e. 'I worked really hard to get this grade, I had to spend alot of time by myself uninterrupted to achieve the results I did'. Obviously, you don't make it sound like that, it can be much more casual.

    I hope some of this helps, good luck!
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    (Original post by PugDevil)
    She probably missed you and wanted you home, but like the post above says - if it gets in the way of your dissertation then you need to sort it out with her, but ensure you're calm and direct. Remember you're both adults, so there needs to be a mutual respect.
    She shouts over us when we try to reason with her, whereas with my two older sisters she will always listens (and she would never as them to help with the renovations). There is a lot a favouritism going on here, which is worse because it isn't fair that some people get away with doing nothing.
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    Why don you leave again and finish your dissertation?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She shouts over us when we try to reason with her, whereas with my two older sisters she will always listens (and she would never as them to help with the renovations). There is a lot a favouritism going on here, which is worse because it isn't fair that some people get away with doing nothing.
    Hmm, I've never really been in that situation but I can only recommend talking to her and if you feel like its an untenable situation then perhaps you need to search for another place?
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Why don you leave again and finish your dissertation?
    I only have a month and a half left and it takes quite a while to search for somewhere new to live. Instead, I am applying for jobs in other cities so that I can hopefully move after the dissertation.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I only have a month and a half left and it takes quite a while to search for somewhere new to live. Instead, I am applying for jobs in other cities so that I can hopefully move after the dissertation.
    Cant you just go and park yourself in the local uni library and finish it?
    When you have done so, then Im afraid your mums house so you will have to do some painting. Learn your lesson.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know that all parents are annoying from time to time but my mum goes above and beyond. I have finished my taught subjects at uni and only have my dissertation left. My mum kept telling me that I should come home to do the dissertation, as it would save me money. I had magically forgotten what a toxic environment her house was because distance makes the heart grow fonder, so I agreed.

    I don't laze around at home; I do housework and cook (along with other family members) on top of my dissertation and job applications. What I didn't know is that my mum had made plans to renovate the house over the summer. She is now using me and my brother as free labour by making us paint walls and doors, put up wallpaper, shift and replace furniture and a lot more. What's more is that some of the family members haven't lifted a finger to help with the renovations and she excuses this, saying that they won't do a proper job. She keeps yelling, is always calling us and having temper tantrums. My mood has been very sour over the past few weeks and I feel that coming back here was a mistake. I really am sick of her.
    I don't really know but I want to answer but I don't have the full picture to make an reasonable opinion.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know that all parents are annoying from time to time but my mum goes above and beyond. I have finished my taught subjects at uni and only have my dissertation left. My mum kept telling me that I should come home to do the dissertation, as it would save me money. I had magically forgotten what a toxic environment her house was because distance makes the heart grow fonder, so I agreed.

    I don't laze around at home; I do housework and cook (along with other family members) on top of my dissertation and job applications. What I didn't know is that my mum had made plans to renovate the house over the summer. She is now using me and my brother as free labour by making us paint walls and doors, put up wallpaper, shift and replace furniture and a lot more. What's more is that some of the family members haven't lifted a finger to help with the renovations and she excuses this, saying that they won't do a proper job. She keeps yelling, is always calling us and having temper tantrums. My mood has been very sour over the past few weeks and I feel that coming back here was a mistake. I really am sick of her.
    Here's what I do (unintentionally, but it works): Do a really bad job and she won't ask you again... ever.
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    No. I don't think it's right for you to be that angry with your own mother. Parents do so much for their children-you should at least do what she tells you to do. If she wants you to stay at home and help with the renovation, why not? After all the hard work she's put in to make you into a good person, that's the least you can do.
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    Of course I don't know the answer as to whether your anger is justified because I wasn't there. Still, even if it is justified, try not to go for it. But really best advice is to leave the house, go to the local library and finish it there. Or, give a morning to helping your mum, the afternoon for your dissetation and the evening to rest.
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    (Original post by Trapz99)
    No. I don't think it's right for you to be that angry with your own mother. Parents do so much for their children-you should at least do what she tells you to do. If she wants you to stay at home and help with the renovation, why not? After all the hard work she's put in to make you into a good person, that's the least you can do.
    I'm sorry, but I can't agree with that. They are in the middle of potentially the most important work of their life, working on their dissertation, and yet she is stubbornly disrupting it. Plus, her show of favouritism is unjustified, you can't defend that. It frustrates me when people just brush this sort of issue off, with 'That's just what parents are like' or 'you should just be grateful for what she's done for you'. I think what you need to do is either try to get your sisters on your side, she obviously listens to them. If you can get them to explain to her how you feel about it, she might be more inclined to listen. Otherwise, remind her that, after all the years of you working, you don't want to waste the money that (I assume your family has helped with) has spent on university by getting a poor grade in the pinnacle of your work. If nothing else gets to her, the economical side of her should get trough.
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    (Original post by SimonN1504)
    I'm sorry, but I can't agree with that. They are in the middle of potentially the most important work of their life, working on their dissertation, and yet she is stubbornly disrupting it. Plus, her show of favouritism is unjustified, you can't defend that. It frustrates me when people just brush this sort of issue off, with 'That's just what parents are like' or 'you should just be grateful for what she's done for you'. I think what you need to do is either try to get your sisters on your side, she obviously listens to them. If you can get them to explain to her how you feel about it, she mright be more inclined to listen. Otherwise, remind her that, after all the years of you working, you don't want to waste the money that (I assume your family has helped with) has spent on university by getting a poor grade in the pinnacle of your work. If nothing else gets to her, the economical side of her should get trough.
    I'll just agree to disagree on this.
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    (Original post by Trapz99)
    I'll just agree to disagree on this.
    I'd be more incline to believe that if you weren't pointing a gun at my head
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    Your right to be pissed off, she clearly had these renovations planned and wanted you back for that reason without being upfront with you.

    You could offer to help with them in a few weeks when your work is complete but that has to take priority, it doesn't really matter if decorating is left unfinished for a few weeks.
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    Definitely try and get your sisters on your side. Your brother obviously doesn't appreciate the added work load either, so if you all show a united front and tell her that things need to change here, then she'll have to listen.
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    You're in the right to be angry as clearly your mum hasn't mentioned these plans. If your mum isn't listening to you, maybe talk to one of your sisters and get them to talk to her? Or get them on your side? And also just get out of the house to your local library to finish your dissertation


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