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    A friend of mine actually committed suicide the other day. I had known him for about two years and I totally did not see it coming. I never got the impression that he was down or upset or overwhelmed by anything... and Ive always considered myself to be a very good judge of people.

    The thing that bothers me the most about it is that he was such a nice guy. Not nice in a fake or plastic way, but just very genuine and sincere. He NEVER got mad and was always nice and considerant to everyone around him. I hate to think that such a nice guy could get to the point where he was so alone and so upset. If only someone could have been there and showed him an ounce of the kindness and compassion that he showed all of his friends on a daily basis...

    Anyone else have this kind of experience?
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    I am so sorry to hear that :hugs:
    Its sad when people feel like they have no other option than to commit suicide and I can't imagine what you must be going through.
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    I've never had this sort of experience but one of my friends has always talked about commiting suicide due to personal issues. I'm sorry to hear about your friend especially when he sounded like such a nice guy, at least you will have happy memories of him which you can tell others and make them realise how special your friend was.
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    Sorry to hear about your friend

    When I was at school my best friends dad committed suicide, it was awful. Even now they still struggle with it, and I dont blame them. The problem is that you cant always recognise when people are feeling suicidal, so quite often its a total shock

    Have you spoken to your other friends about this? It might help you
    • #1
    #1

    Im was in a similar situation about 3 months ago. A guy that lived down my road hung himself in the woods. We wernt exactly close be we knew each other and it was still hard to hear of his death as a lot of my close friends were close friends of his.

    I know where he was hung and sometimes i find it really hard to get to sleep because i get images of him and i dont really know why because we wernt close, i never found him or anything so it freaks me out a bit.

    Im sorry to hear about your friend, it must be so much harder for you than it has been for me.

    As a side note, how long does it tke for your topic to appear? I started a tread about 20 mins away but i cant find it. Anyone help?
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    (Original post by thisbemadness)
    Sorry to hear about your friend

    When I was at school my best friends dad committed suicide, it was awful. Even now they still struggle with it, and I dont blame them. The problem is that you cant always recognise when people are feeling suicidal, so quite often its a total shock

    Have you spoken to your other friends about this? It might help you
    The bit I have highlighted is completely true. I could never tell anyone until I got a bit better. The first person I told (apart from my parents - but they found out in circumstances out of my control) was quite surprised but now he knows I have support.

    :hugs: to the OP. Sorry if anything I posted was inappropriate, I was just reiterating a point made by thisbemadness. I couldn't really advise you as I have never been on that end of suicide.
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    I'm so sorry about your friend. Noone who hasn't gone through that can possibly know what it feels like, but do try not to feel guilty. It was never down to you to identify your friend's suicidal thoughts. Like others have said, you couldn't be expected to know what was going on in his mind.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    As a side note, how long does it tke for your topic to appear? I started a tread about 20 mins away but i cant find it. Anyone help?
    For anons it can take a while. One I made the other day didn't appear for 3 hours, so I went on the Ask a Mod forum and asked them to put it through of me. You need to wait for a mod to check it you see, and they may not have noticed there is one waiting yet.
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    My ex-girlfriend attempted suicide whilst we were together.

    I'll agree that it is a horrible thing; it doesn't matter whether the person is a 'typical' depressive, or as you describe, quite the opposite, you're never really going to see it happening. It might give you some help if you've envisaged it before, but the fact you never could even imagine it must make it even harder for you to truly get your head around.

    My advice would be; give it time. I know that's such a cliche but unfortunately.. it's true. Not only are you suffering from a bereavement, which in itself is a horrible experience, but you're having to come to terms with the fact that a person you thought you knew was capable of getting to this point of disillusionment, and I agree, it's an experience which makes you question the futility of a life, if someone with such a valid contribution to it can feel so overwhelmed by it.

    Another thing you have to accept is, even if you later find out the motivations or reasoning, you'll never truly be able to understand what goes through the head of a person who is in that situation. You can talk to people who have survived it, even go through it yourself, but every person's thoughts (like they themselves) are different, and you have to be able to get to a point where you can accept that you will never truly know the thoughts that were going through this guy's head.

    People commit suicide because they feel that there is no alternative, that living is just not an option, for whatever reason. And therein you can find a way of reconciling it. Because as much as this guy may have been a great, genuine, nice guy, it's pretty safe to say that that was his belief at that particular point in time. Yes, it's horrifically depressing to think that it could have been averted, and there will always be 'what if's ..
    But the choice to commit suicide was a choice he made. I'm not saying by any extent it was the right choice, or that it was the only choice, but that was the choice he made. And no amount of 'what if's will change that (I'm sorry, that sounds so harsh - I don't mean it like that, I know you're aware it won't bring him back.)

    Luckily for my ex, we managed to catch her in time and as far as I'm aware, is very happy now with the person she's with, for which I'm very happy because for all that occoured there, I don't think you can ever really stop caring about the life of an individual.

    But (and this is where the horrific cliches do come out).. your friend wanted to prevent you from having to deal with his 'problem', hence his not confiding in you (again, a choice he made). Therefore, you can't beat yourself up over it, or his death means nothing. Yes, of course, you have every right to go through a grieving process and part of that will inevitably be 'was there anything I could have done' - but you've got to use this in a positive way. He no longer has the chance to make something of his life. You do.

    Don't let the 'what if's make you feel guilty; otherwise you're doing exactly what he didn't want, for other people to feel weighed down by his problems. I agree, talking to other friends who are currently in the same situation will definitely help; you can appreciate your friends' life for what it truly meant, and not focus on the fact it really should have gone on for longer.

    I'm really sorry for your loss, and please feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it more.

    Laura :hugs: x
    • #2
    #2

    I know we really can't do anything to help you, because this will be really hard, but I'm sending lots of sympathy anyway.

    Someone close to me committed suicide, so I understand how awful it is having to come to terms with this.

    Always remember that you cannnot feel guilty or responsible, because you couldn't know - you said it was out of the blue, so please don't ever feel like you could have done something differently.

    Depression is an illness, and just like anything it can be uncontrollable. It is in no way your fault.

    I know it will be hard, but it will get easier eventually, and some days can be worse than others. Try and think of everthing great about him, let that get you through.

    So sorry you have to deal with this.

    Thinking of you.

    If you want to talk, PM me (say on this thread that you want to and I'll PM you first, as I've posted anonymously).
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    This may have already been said, but you'll often find that people who're suicidal go to great lengths to hide the fact from those they're close to. Your friend was probably well aware of how much help and support you could have given him, and his not confiding in you was a failure on his part, not yours. It's a sad fact that people who commit suicide are usually kind and sensitive, and I'm sure the fact that he considered you a friend meant that you were equally caring back to him.
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    I am so sorry for what happened. The unfortunate thing about depression and things like that are that no-one else can ever see how upset the other person truly is unless that person lets them. My best friend is an amazing judge of people but he never had any idea about the problems I was having until I told him.
    Guess what im trying to say is that you could never have known without him telling you. I suppose awful things like this make us realise that perhaps we don't really know people as well as we think we do.
    But i'm very sorry for what happened, sorry for my rambling, and if you ever want to talk, just PM me and I'll listen.
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    I'm sorry about your loss.

    Last easter my Uncle commited suicide. It was my Mummy's twin brother. So, obviously for her it was probably even worse than had it just been a normal brother. I suppose if you've never even thought about suicide you can't even begin to understand it. But, for someone to take thir own life they must be ill. I know there is such taboo with mental illnesses. When you feel so much mental pain I guess it can seem like the only option. I think people who commit suicide do know that their family/friends love them and would do anything to help them get through it. But, they feel as though they don't want to be helped. I also think that because these people are so intent on hiding their problems it just makes them worse. And, they do form a bell jar which they are in away from the world. And it builds and builds.. They feel more and more lonely. And they're working even harder to keep up the pretence that they are okay. But by doing this they feel even more lonely as nobody knows how they really feel. And they become distant from everyone they know. But you haven't been a bad friend because of this. Ultimately if someone really wants to go as far as commiting suicide then the only person that can save them is themself.

    It's tough, and I think it's the hardest way to lose someone. Just remember the good things and the good times. It seems so hard but over time things do get better. My best friend died nearly 2 years ago. You do get through it, no matter how hard it seems at the time. Although, I know that's not what you want to hear. Talk about it though. That's the most important thing.
 
 
 
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