He's asking me if I'm mad at him

Hi everyone :smile:

I posted a thread a while back about a guy who I got quite close to when I was in severe depression. This guy was kind, funny and understanding, speaking to him gave me a lot of comfort. However, he had certain views which clashed very strongly with mine, leading to arguments (but after a few hours I would brush it off).

I have now come to realise that I want nothing more to do with him. Some months ago (when I was still into him) I implied that his birthday present was going to be something sexual. He asked about this during our last phone call a couple of weeks ago, at which point I realised that I was completely turned off him. He lacks ambition, drive and willpower. He is overweight and is always complaining about his weight, but doesn't make a genuine effort to do something about it. Not only that; he doesn't make an effort to better himself when it comes to anything. Since I work so hard on fitness (I gained some weight during my depression), studying and my career, it looks like he is on the path of self-destruction. He also has habits which are gross and slobbish; I went to his house and it was a mess, he also farted in front of me multiple times.

I have been avoiding talking to him via phone calls and texts. He asked me whether I was mad to him last week, I told him that I wasn't and that I just needed some space for a while, hoping he would eventually forget about me and drift away. Now he is telling me that he has the feeling that something is wrong.

I don't want to be mean or hurtful, forcing myself to keep him in my life will make me resentful towards him though. What is the best way to make him stop contacting me that will cause the least hurt?

Reply 1

eden3

19

It doesn't matter how you break it to him, he's still going to be upset. Call him? Text him? Meet up with him in person? IDK. Up to you.

Reply 2

999tigger

19

So when you were depressed you enjoued his company, kindness and led him to believe sex was on the table.
Now you arent depressed you realise you detest him and dont respect anything at all about him, but just want rid?

Why not just tell him youve decided you dont get along, that you realised not you arent depressed you arent compatible as friends and you think its best if he nevr contacts you again or you will get a restraining order out on him. By causing the least hurt I just read that as the least guilt.
Be honest with him and just tell him the truth. That way he knows where he stands, he wont bother you again and you cna both get on with things.

Reply 3

eden3

19

Original post by 999tigger

So when you were depressed you enjoued his company, kindness and led him to believe sex was on the table.
Now you arent depressed you realise you detest him and dont respect anything at all about him, but just want rid?

Why not just tell him youve decided you dont get along, that you realised not you arent depressed you arent compatible as friends and you think its best if he nevr contacts you again or you will get a restraining order out on him. By causing the least hurt I just read that as the least guilt.
Be honest with him and just tell him the truth. That way he knows where he stands, he wont bother you again and you cna both get on with things.

I agree but i think the restraining order idea is a bit extreme, lol

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by 999tigger

So when you were depressed you enjoued his company, kindness and led him to believe sex was on the table.
Now you arent depressed you realise you detest him and dont respect anything at all about him, but just want rid?

Why not just tell him youve decided you dont get along, that you realised not you arent depressed you arent compatible as friends and you think its best if he nevr contacts you again or you will get a restraining order out on him. By causing the least hurt I just read that as the least guilt.
Be honest with him and just tell him the truth. That way he knows where he stands, he wont bother you again and you cna both get on with things.

I was genuinely into him at the time, I would not have led him to believe that sex would happen if I hadn't fully intended to sleep with him. I'm not sure whether it was the depression which blinded me to the many things that I disliked about him or whether it was having those things in front of me to see clearly so many times but at the time I was isolating myself from family, friends and pretty much everyone but him. He occupied my thoughts most of the time and talking to him was the only thing that brought me anything that slightly resembled joy.

I wish I hadn't behaved the way I did, I wish I had closed him off earlier on before we became closer and I know feel I owe him an explanation. It's true that I don't want to feel guilt but I also wish him well so don't want him to hurt.

Reply 5

999tigger

19

He isnt goloing to be enraptured by anything you say, Just eb clear honest and straight with him. Ofc he is going to wnat a reason to try and understand why you dopnt wnat contact with him anymore and its up to you how much information you want to impart. What you need to be clear about is that you ahve amde your mind up and its no contact from then on. Depending how convicning you are the he will be confused/annoyed or just give in and call it a day. Bite the bullet and get it done.

He's asking me if I'm mad at him

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