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I don't know what's happened to my family Watch

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    I would write a long essay, but I really don't want to. I'll try to brief it.*

    2010, I was 10 years old at the time, and I noticed some conflict in the house. This conflict from what I remember only lasted a few days. I don't even remember any conflict leading up to what happened, but there must have been some. I remember my dad and mum shouting, and my dad left just. I looked out the window with my sister and watched his car drive off all the way round the corner. To be honest, I didn't really grasp the situation at first and just watched my mum cry in confusion. Actually my grandma was there too (it's coming back now as I write, I don't know if that's good or bad), and took her away into another room, and we were just left there wondering what just happened (at the time, there was me, my older sibling, and my 2 younger siblings and my 1 year old brother)

    A few days post Dad, I directly asked my mum if they were getting a divorce (in retrospect, this was insensitive of me, and I wish I hadn't asked) My mum said something along the lines of having the break, but it seemed hard for her to say and she went a bit distant. The more days that dad wasn't home, the more gradually upset I got and the more no one would talk about what happened. It was insane. The kids just watched television as normal, I don't remember what my older sister (she was 12) felt like, but overall it was normal. My grandma stayed with a few more weeks, which I just remembered.

    The next time I saw my dad was when he showed up at my school to pick me up. I was so so happy to see him, and went round to go to him but the teacher stopped me. I was told to go to the reception, and I then learnt he wasn't allowed to pick me up. Eventually they let him take me, and he and my mum had another confrontation which we didn't see. From what I know, it was something about one of my mum's friends getting involved with me and informing the school or something. But it was the first time they'd talked in weeks and I hoped it was to fix whatever the hell had happened.

    Eventually i accepted it. My dad came round on odd weekends and birthdays to pick us up and treat us places while I'd never know what happened. (all I know is that it potentially involved my cousin, uncle, maybe. that's the only thing I know) It should have been time for me to move on and stop wallowing, but it got worse. My dad kept passing places we used to visit saying 'remember when we went there for your 6th birthday?) etc etc, and he kept bringing up places and times we've been together as one happy family, when we were whole etc. He started to do this every trip we had together and I didn't realise how much it affected me. I started resenting the entire situation, and how little I knew. When my mum caught a wind of my dad's habits of mentioning her and the family, she called it emotional abuse and yes, more confrontation. It even got legal for a while before it calmed down after him disappearing for another few months. They got on 'good' terms, compared to what it had been.

    2011, my mum gets married. I kid you not, I was informed about him about a month before she married him. Not a name, but just a character she described and I hadn't though much of it, that is, until I became a bridesmaid. I'd met him beforehand at a place we often visited recently, but I didn;t know he was on those terms with my mum. In short, wedding, marriage, and then a year later my baby sister. (who I love to bits, and would not want to change for the world) What I didn't and what I should have noticed is that my stepfather didn't always stay at our house overnight.

    2015, I find out my mum is my stepfather's second wife. I then later find out, when we come back from holiday to find out he married another woman (who needed some help or something, I'm not fully aware of the story) This was his third wife, (who my mother met when she fought with her over a parking spot, while my stepdad was in the car) I knew my stepdad had a first wife and kids, I didn't know he was still married to her. His character is actually really nice (too nice most of the time), and I am so ashamed of what he's done. And how everyone pretends it's okay.

    2016 - I went on a recent outing to my stepdad's third wife with my mum and siblings. I went to visit the newborn baby, who's is really cute when I saw him. But the situation, the situation is ****ed up. My 8 month pregnant mother sitting holding the baby of her husband's wife she only found about after he married her while we were on holiday. I felt like ****. I wanted to go home, but for the life of me, I could not hate that baby. It did nothing wrong, but I feel like this situation isn't normal or healthy. In an outburst once, my mum said 'I don't live for anything but you kids, even when my life is messed, I do this for you'
    I don't know if my mum genuinely loves him, but I can't say whether or not she does.

    I feel like I'm intefering too much in my mum's love life, and I guess it's because I only found about the multiple wives last year.
    I want answers, it's selfish but I want to know why my parents divorced. They loved each other so much, they ran to Russia once because my mum's mother didn't approve. They never fought before, and our house was harmonious. I usually ignore the whole wives thing and our family is happy, but at the same time I cannot explain to my mum why I don't want to go to a buffet with my stepdad and his wives, and their children and act like everything's okay.

    I just shared part of my story, and I don't even know why. I don't know if anyone read this far,and I guess it was just a flashback I had today that made me act like this. It's not the biggest problem in my life, but I just realised now how much it bothers me. It's nothing to do with me, the divorce is between my parents and the wives thing is also the same, but I can't help but feel ****ing confused andsd hurt and angry about it all.
    *I said I wouldn't write lots. I thought I didn't have much to say, but turns out I did. I'm going to anon this, because I really can't show my face here
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    I forgot to anon it, oh well. this is my other account anyway
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    (Original post by infires)
    I would write a long essay, but I really don't want to. I'll try to brief it.*

    2010, I was 10 years old at the time, and I noticed some conflict in the house. This conflict from what I remember only lasted a few days. I don't even remember any conflict leading up to what happened, but there must have been some. I remember my dad and mum shouting, and my dad left just. I looked out the window with my sister and watched his car drive off all the way round the corner. To be honest, I didn't really grasp the situation at first and just watched my mum cry in confusion. Actually my grandma was there too (it's coming back now as I write, I don't know if that's good or bad), and took her away into another room, and we were just left there wondering what just happened (at the time, there was me, my older sibling, and my 2 younger siblings and my 1 year old brother)

    A few days post Dad, I directly asked my mum if they were getting a divorce (in retrospect, this was insensitive of me, and I wish I hadn't asked) My mum said something along the lines of having the break, but it seemed hard for her to say and she went a bit distant. The more days that dad wasn't home, the more gradually upset I got and the more no one would talk about what happened. It was insane. The kids just watched television as normal, I don't remember what my older sister (she was 12) felt like, but overall it was normal. My grandma stayed with a few more weeks, which I just remembered.

    The next time I saw my dad was when he showed up at my school to pick me up. I was so so happy to see him, and went round to go to him but the teacher stopped me. I was told to go to the reception, and I then learnt he wasn't allowed to pick me up. Eventually they let him take me, and he and my mum had another confrontation which we didn't see. From what I know, it was something about one of my mum's friends getting involved with me and informing the school or something. But it was the first time they'd talked in weeks and I hoped it was to fix whatever the hell had happened.

    Eventually i accepted it. My dad came round on odd weekends and birthdays to pick us up and treat us places while I'd never know what happened. (all I know is that it potentially involved my cousin, uncle, maybe. that's the only thing I know) It should have been time for me to move on and stop wallowing, but it got worse. My dad kept passing places we used to visit saying 'remember when we went there for your 6th birthday?) etc etc, and he kept bringing up places and times we've been together as one happy family, when we were whole etc. He started to do this every trip we had together and I didn't realise how much it affected me. I started resenting the entire situation, and how little I knew. When my mum caught a wind of my dad's habits of mentioning her and the family, she called it emotional abuse and yes, more confrontation. It even got legal for a while before it calmed down after him disappearing for another few months. They got on 'good' terms, compared to what it had been.

    2011, my mum gets married. I kid you not, I was informed about him about a month before she married him. Not a name, but just a character she described and I hadn't though much of it, that is, until I became a bridesmaid. I'd met him beforehand at a place we often visited recently, but I didn;t know he was on those terms with my mum. In short, wedding, marriage, and then a year later my baby sister. (who I love to bits, and would not want to change for the world) What I didn't and what I should have noticed is that my stepfather didn't always stay at our house overnight.

    2015, I find out my mum is my stepfather's second wife. I then later find out, when we come back from holiday to find out he married another woman (who needed some help or something, I'm not fully aware of the story) This was his third wife, (who my mother met when she fought with her over a parking spot, while my stepdad was in the car) I knew my stepdad had a first wife and kids, I didn't know he was still married to her. His character is actually really nice (too nice most of the time), and I am so ashamed of what he's done. And how everyone pretends it's okay.

    2016 - I went on a recent outing to my stepdad's third wife with my mum and siblings. I went to visit the newborn baby, who's is really cute when I saw him. But the situation, the situation is ****ed up. My 8 month pregnant mother sitting holding the baby of her husband's wife she only found about after he married her while we were on holiday. I felt like ****. I wanted to go home, but for the life of me, I could not hate that baby. It did nothing wrong, but I feel like this situation isn't normal or healthy. In an outburst once, my mum said 'I don't live for anything but you kids, even when my life is messed, I do this for you'
    I don't know if my mum genuinely loves him, but I can't say whether or not she does.

    I feel like I'm intefering too much in my mum's love life, and I guess it's because I only found about the multiple wives last year.
    I want answers, it's selfish but I want to know why my parents divorced. They loved each other so much, they ran to Russia once because my mum's mother didn't approve. They never fought before, and our house was harmonious. I usually ignore the whole wives thing and our family is happy, but at the same time I cannot explain to my mum why I don't want to go to a buffet with my stepdad and his wives, and their children and act like everything's okay.

    I just shared part of my story, and I don't even know why. I don't know if anyone read this far,and I guess it was just a flashback I had today that made me act like this. It's not the biggest problem in my life, but I just realised now how much it bothers me. It's nothing to do with me, the divorce is between my parents and the wives thing is also the same, but I can't help but feel ****ing confused andsd hurt and angry about it all.
    *I said I wouldn't write lots. I thought I didn't have much to say, but turns out I did. I'm going to anon this, because I really can't show my face here
    Your mum should have handled this better from the beginning. For starters being honest with you and your siblings about why her and your dad are splitting, introducing your step dad sooner. She should stop being so selfish and take you out of this dysfunctional 3 wives situation thing which btw is illegal. I'm so sorry for you OP your childhood sounds tough
 
 
 
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