What have I become?

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i wouldnt say there is an equal chance though. I didnt necessarily call the dude a rapist, i was just using an alaogy in that court thing, i could have easily said murderer, i.e. a murderer cant go 'its their fault becasue they pissed me off bad, and so i simply had to murder them'.

Reply 41

Anonymous #1

Well, whether it was rape or not, which I'm not saying it was, I've put myself in a horrible situation. One where the only people I'm not embarassed to talk about it with is people who don't even know me or my identity and being a shy person I won't talk to anyone about who I do know. I still haven't gone to the GUM clinic. I think I'm in denial. Yesterday I met up with my friend and I was ridiculously happy pretending nothing had happened and blah. I forced myself to go out with her last night as I had promised. I had a terrible time I could only think of the incident as I do now 24/7. Anyone here thinking its my fault for being a stupid drunken immature girl, well yes I suppose I was and now Im being punished. Whats done is done. Thanks for all your help and replys.

Reply 42

suek

You can't move on if you don't face what happened... see someone about it :frown:

They won't treat you badly.

Reply 43

miss_world

Anonymous

Do you have anyone you can speak to, like a close friend or relative who you can really trust? Because it sounds like you're having a hard time dealing with what happened and they might help to put things into perspective. Really, you're not a whore or even sound particularly stupid or immature, you're just someone who drank too much, made a mistake and unfortunately got taken advantage of. It happens, you really don't deserve to be punished for it so don't be too hard on yourself. But you really, really must got to the GUM clinic immediately. There might not be anything at all the matter but do you really want to take anymore chances?

Reply 44

geordie2006

For people even to mention rape is pathetic as no one but the people there know what happened, and even 'Anonymous' cant remember. Too many girls these days get too drunk and cry rape (not saying your one of them). I did my work experience 'shadowing' a solicitor and one girl falsely accused a man of rape then later admitted to lying, despite this it ruined his marriage and he lost his job.

But if i was you, id get yourself checked for STD's and get a pregnancy test, better safe than sorry. Good luck

Reply 45

Helenia

Many people do make false accusations of rape, but then many absolutely true cases go unreported because people are afraid the police/court will just say "You were drunk, it was your fault."

In this case, it's up to the OP what she wants to do. I find it very odd how her memory suddenly totally stops and blanks for several hours, and maybe I'm too suspicious, but I'd question whether there may have been drugs involved. As for whether it was rape or not, it is now up to a man to prove in court that he had consent, and if she was that drunk I doubt she'd be able to give consent. It'd be a very dodgy case though.

To the OP, I think you shouldn't hide away from what happened, and definitely not blame yourself. Most of us here have got hideously drunk and kissed someone unfortunate, but that doesn't give them the right to take advantage of you in the way he did, especially after offering you a "safe" place to stay. What he did was definitely morally reprehensible, even if there's not a legal case; it's important for you to remember that it wasn't your fault. Please don't continue to hide from going to the doctors - you need to talk to someone about what happened. Maybe you could phone a helpline first if you want to talk about it to someone anonymous.

Reply 46

Andrew28913

Its my fault, I shouldn't have been so immature and irresponsible to get so drunk and get to a stage where I have no control over my actions.

Exactly. No sympathy here.

Reply 47

Consie

what are you talking about? Are you saying getting drunk warrants getting taken advantage off? As if it somehow justifies it?

Reply 48

Andrew28913

I'm agreeing word-for-word with what she said in the first place - it is her fault, she shouldn't have been so immature and irresponsible to get so drunk and get to a stage where she had no control over her actions.

Reply 49

Danny the Geezer

Thelfo

I'm not getting into the whole 'was there consent?' debate because that's a total minefield. But if you really attach that much importance to your virginity, then to you your 'first time' is more of an emotional thing than a physical one. While you may not physically be a virgin anymore, try not to think of this as the first time you had sex, because emotionally (spiritually w/e) it wasn't. Dunno if that helps or not.

Ditto what he says really.

Reply 50

Helenia

Andrew28913

But that doesn't mean it's ok for someone to take advantage of her in that situation - anyone with morals would have looked after her and made sure she didn't choke on her own vomit etc, rather than trying to shag her.

Reply 51

Clubber Lang

Helenia

It comes back to the same situation of - you have to realise not everyone else out there is a niceguy..you must be vigilant - its not ideal but that is life my friends.

People need to start taking responsibility for their actions and getting totally hammered and getting into odd situations is PARTLY down to them - of course they dont deserve sexual assault (or antyhing else) but they shoudl realise they are exposing themselves to it - bigtime.

This is ESPECIALLY the case when you are out at a hosueparty or a club when you are most likely to get drunk and most likely to be at danger.

Reply 52

yellow96

jaydoh

Ditto what he says really.

She.

Reply 53

Consie

These arguments its all her fualt, or even here fault in the majority, are nonsense. In a civilised, supposedly law abiding society, whether getting hammered is sensible or not, you should reasonably expect that doing such things doesnt automatically lead to being taken advantage of. Its not as if the former automatically justifies in part the latter, or even that it should lead to the latter. I used to get hammered regulary, but I'm lucky in that im male that i dont get taken advantage of. Just because she's female doesnt warrant extra blame on her part.

Reply 54

Clubber Lang

I never said it was her fault for the most part

we dont live in a civilised law abiding society.

Reply 55

Consie

yeah we do, lets not get silly. Fair enough you never, i wasnt directing my hate at you mainly (:P), i just quoted you becasue you echoed some people above.

Reply 56

Clubber Lang

Consie

yeah we do, lets not get silly. Fair enough you never, i wasnt directing my hate at you mainly (:P), i just quoted you becasue you echoed some people above.

but we dont - jails are overcrowding, we have UNCONTROLLABLE minor crimes (i.e street crime etc) that happen and lets not kid ourselves that loads of other serious crimes don't go unreported (Sexual assault/domestic violence.

the country is out of control yo :eek:

!!!

!!!

Reply 57

Consie

compared to 95% of the rest of the world, the UK is a paradise.

Reply 58

Clubber Lang

tis true, never said i wasnt :biggrin:

Reply 59

noodles!

I know someone who had sex at 13, ridiculously early, she regretted it completely, and never had sex again until 19, and in her own mind she was still a virgin until then as it never meant anything.