Ok I need some advice for the last three years my life hasn't been my life and I'm so unhappy in all aspects of it. So I recently graduated with a 2:2 and there are so many things that affected my grade outcome. I currently have live with mum who has been divorced twice and three years ago she had a child with her second husband (whom is literally no longer around) as a result of this I had to grow up at 18 and pretty much maintain a part time job, with uni and assisting my mum with childcare for my baby sibling that sounds find right? Wait that's not even the full story I had give up my personal life and social life because mum is a nurse a her working pattern depends of my scheduled around uni/work and I barely have time to go out with friends and no one is willing to date because of it. Because of a bit of physical health issues and I had to give up my part time job in late February and now that I've graduated I'm unemployed and fed I up I given up so much and I'm sick of compermising when I'm so empty inside everything is me and my mother never tries to listen to me and I'm planning on changing my number and leaving maybe I just go to a foreign country. I didn't make a decision to do this long term but when I'm optimistic about something (graduate role) that might mean I can't stay with my brother thus preventing her from working she turns it into to something negative and like what more can I give. And recently she said something that indicates I should forget about my career. I did three interview one which was with an asset management company and they didn't care about my grade but because I was nervous I didn't get it and when told that I git rejected by all three I felt she was happy because she wanted me to work part time to accommodate her needs. But I don't mean to sound selfish but I want a real shot at life and everyday is the same routine I get up I wonder to myself if it's worth it. She does want me to do well but only to extend that benefits her and our current arrangement.
I can't do anymore watch
- Thread Starter
- 01-08-2016 20:40
- 01-08-2016 20:46
The changing your number and going to a foreign country part sounds right lol
She should look after her own child, not you.
Keep applying for jobs and build on your confidence. Your degree classification should not define who you are, you are fully capable of doing whatever you want to
- 01-08-2016 20:47
try and get a council house so you have some more independence. then when you do get a job find your own home and start living your life.
- 01-08-2016 20:59
This is just one guy's perspective, and it's an easy one for me to make because I don't have to go through the hardship of following through with it but. From what I can gather from your account of things, and maybe I'm dead wrong with my assumptions and sugestions, but I'll take a gamble.You should pack up and leave. Stay with anybody else you can until you find your feet & get employed. Because your mum will always ask more of you, always need more. People like that take as much as they can get, because it benefits their lives, and they'll use guilt and whatever else they can to convince you doing anything against their interests is just selfish and cruel. Your mum will learn to live and manage without you, but you'll never be able to live your life the way things are with her.
I mean, she must've known, and I assume you've told her before, that your social & academic life were suffering because of the burdens placed upon you, but it doesn't seem like she's made alternative arrangements for childcare etc. And I don't know your mum, she could be a great, lovable gal, or not so much. But it doesn't matter, because the relationship you're describing seems pretty unhealthy for you, so some distance, and some change, should be a good thing, right?
- 04-08-2016 00:38
I would disagree with other posters. You should help your family out - this is your mother and little sister we're talking about.There does need to be limits and you do need to live your life as well but that doesn't mean not helping. While you're unemployed I think you should stay and help but make it clear to your mum that she needs a plan for when you find work and in the meantime you need to schedule in time for yourself for friends etc. Draw the line and stick to it. When you find a job then you should move out and she will have to deal with that.