Please bear with me, this might be a bit of an essay!
So, I've been dating a guy I met online for just over a month (9 dates in total now). He was the one who initiated first contact and seemed a lot keener than I was. He was open and honest from the start about the fact that he has a lot of female friends, is still friends with most of his exes and lives with a female. I wasn't too bothered and I met his housemate and she was really nice so didn't feel at all worried. The only couple of times I did wonder about his friendship with girls were once when his ex was hanging out at his flat just those 2 (he told me she was there and was texting me the whole time and she was only there for 30 mins anyway), also a time when he said he went jogging and "bumped into someone" and went for a drink with them (perhaps had a date arranged? I don't mind if so because this was only 2 dates in) and finally one time when he said a female coworker had called him to rescue her from a bad date so he met her for drinks and then told me he thought she was hitting on him which I found slightly odd.
Anyway, to rewind a bit he stopped using the dating site after date 2 (of his own accord) and from around 3/4 dates in was quite open with his feelings about me and how he could see this going somewhere and he also told his coworkers and parents about me (he showed me a photo of a joke one of them made so I know this is true). While I did like him I was still unsure at this stage of how much so I was definitely the less interested one if that makes sense.
So moving ahead to now, we had date 9 last Thursday. Up until then, and aside from the 3 small occasions mentioned above, *he'd been pretty much the perfect guy - he remembered every little thing I said, he bought me flowers as a surprise because I told him i've only ever been bought flowers when I've been cheated on, he's cooked me dinner twice, he's taken me out a load of times on really thoughtful dates like picnics etc. and even on thursday he turned up with a chocolate bar because I once joked a while back that when I'm hangry chocolate is the only remedy.*
So thursday night we are hanging out at his and things start to move along physically (previous to this there had only been hand action). We do everything but the grand finale because he has no protection on him but half way through his little friend decides he doesn't want to come out and play anymore - which he said was nerves but he didn't seem very embarrassed about it or anything. So anyway, after the date I go home and things are the same as usual - he makes first contact after the date and we have our usual banter and he calls me the usual affectionate pet names.
On Friday he goes to a wedding reception after work and texts me a little bit throughout the night (I was out too so contact was more limited than usual). Then I get a text to say that a female coworker asking him to go to the toilet for 20 mins - he tells me he reminds her that she's engaged and that he's seeing someone. Then he says to me that he will probably go home soon as he's not drinking. Then I don't hear from him for 2 hours and the next text is to say that he got all the way home then got a phone call from friends saying his other friend (male) is out drunk trying to walk home so he tells me he went out to get him. ***
So Saturday he texts me to ask if I'd like to see him Sunday and we make loose plans. Then he spends pretty much all day painting his flat so we don't chat as much as usual. In the evening I ask him what the plan for Sunday is (because on every other date so far he's been super organised and keen to know what we are doing) and he tells me he hasn't really thought about it and maybe I should head to his for 2pm on Sunday.
Sunday rolls around and I wake up to a text from him saying he stayed up painting his flat till 4am. Then 12noon he wakes up and (after being online on whatsapp a fair while) sends me a message saying how tired he is. I ask if he still wants to meet up as I am about to leave the house and he says he won't be much fun to be around so sort of cancels. I then say how about he naps in the day and we do something in the evening instead but he says he doesn't want to agree and then let me down again if he still doesn't feel up to it. Side note - he's apparently coming off anti anxiety medication so maybe this makes you feel more tired than normal? Either way i wasn't too impressed and I told him I felt a bit miffed because he'd chosen to stay up till 4am when he knew we had plans (which he'd made!)
To point out as well, between Friday and Sunday as well as there being less chat, the quality of the chat isn't so great - less banter and no affectionate names or anything like that. So I ask him if he's not as interested or met someone else in which case its fine but I'd rather know now. He says I am a worry wart but doesn't actually answer and then we sort of had a bit of an argument because I was upset and thought he was being a bit rude so I basically just said I wasn't impressed with the whole thing.
Afterwards I calmed down a bit and suggested we meet up this week instead. Originally we agreed on Friday but then I said I was free Wednesday to which he said "Wednesday is good" then later on that evening he texts to say he's free from 6pm Friday. When I question what happened to Wednesday he says he's going for a drink with his work friend (male) as if I already knew which was a bit confusing. Anyway then I don't hear from him for 2 hours, during which time I'm chatting on fb messenger to my friend in NZ and can see that this guy is also online on and off. He then texts me to say he's just had a 2 hour sleep - I didn't say I know thats not true because I saw him coming on and offline on fb, I just left it and kept the conversation light.
I've since been cooler with him because I feel a bit wary and, to be honest, can't be bothered to get involved in any mess.**I'm not sure what to do as I've asked him if anything is wrong and he's said no but his chat with me is definitely off and he seems less keen to see me. I had just started to really like him so was a bit gutted but honestly I'd just rather things ended here if he's no longer interested.
Anyway, sorry for the essay but I'd like other people's views if you have one please Thank you!!*
Is he still interested or not?? watch
- 02-08-2016 01:56
- 02-08-2016 02:07
Sounds like he's playing you.
- 02-08-2016 11:43
Hmm that's what I thought
- 02-08-2016 11:49
This post is way too long. Maybe just be honest with him and text him to say that you like him but you don't feel its reciprocated. And it would be best if he just told you here and now whether to carry on or end it so you can both move on with your lives.
- 02-08-2016 12:19
I'd think he's probably found someone else but at the same time stringing you along.
Just be honest and talk to him. We can all assume things but he could have a genuine worry!
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- 02-08-2016 14:42