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Argument with "friend" lasting 3 months!!! Watch

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    Hi All,

    Apologies for long post.

    Basically lost my grandad a few months ago.Am particularly close with a couple of girlfriends (A & B). Both of which have just got back from a year in Oz together. I paid for A's connecting flight in Oz, money isn't the issue as she's paid me back.

    But i was feeling down one day and mentioned it to her, asking to see/speak to her more etc. as I felt that since she'd come back it has been me constantly being the one to see how she is etc. despite the fact that I'm grieving.she says sorry she hadn't realised and that she doesn't want me to be sad.

    A couple of days later I receive a snapchat from her of her and B hanging out. We're in a groupchat so I bring it up with them, that they both know I'm feeling down and it's a bit insensitive. B replies and says "oh so sorry didn't think, was a last minute thing" normal reply. A replies and gets defensive, then messages me privately saying " we've all got things going on". It escalated as arguments do and then I just left it.

    A couple of weeks later, I text her about meeting up to sort it out and she says she's "not ready"So I left it again, having not spoken since the end of May.

    Went to a friend's birthday on friday, knowing she would be there and i was ready to be civilised and say hi. She just ignored me.I just feel I've tried to be a good friend to her, kept checking on her while she was in Oz as I knew she was down quite a bit over there and other things I cba to list.

    It's just when I've needed her support she hasn't given it to me. What do you guys think? Should I try and talk to her again or just leave it now?

    TLDR: grandad passed, friend being ****.
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    (Original post by ellipses6)
    Hi All,

    Apologies for long post.

    Basically lost my grandad a few months ago.Am particularly close with a couple of girlfriends (A & B). Both of which have just got back from a year in Oz together. I paid for A's connecting flight in Oz, money isn't the issue as she's paid me back.

    But i was feeling down one day and mentioned it to her, asking to see/speak to her more etc. as I felt that since she'd come back it has been me constantly being the one to see how she is etc. despite the fact that I'm grieving.she says sorry she hadn't realised and that she doesn't want me to be sad.

    A couple of days later I receive a snapchat from her of her and B hanging out. We're in a groupchat so I bring it up with them, that they both know I'm feeling down and it's a bit insensitive. B replies and says "oh so sorry didn't think, was a last minute thing" normal reply. A replies and gets defensive, then messages me privately saying " we've all got things going on". It escalated as arguments do and then I just left it.

    A couple of weeks later, I text her about meeting up to sort it out and she says she's "not ready"So I left it again, having not spoken since the end of May.

    Went to a friend's birthday on friday, knowing she would be there and i was ready to be civilised and say hi. She just ignored me.I just feel I've tried to be a good friend to her, kept checking on her while she was in Oz as I knew she was down quite a bit over there and other things I cba to list.

    It's just when I've needed her support she hasn't given it to me. What do you guys think? Should I try and talk to her again or just leave it now?

    TLDR: grandad passed, friend being ****.
    Say bye bye
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    (Original post by ckfeister)
    Say bye bye
    Yeah I do agree.

    It's just sad when you've been friends with someone since school, and also we're part of a big group so I was hoping to make things civil.
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    (Original post by ellipses6)
    Yeah I do agree.

    It's just sad when you've been friends with someone since school, and also we're part of a big group so I was hoping to make things civil.
    Its normal I think.
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    (Original post by ellipses6)
    Hi All,

    Apologies for long post.

    Basically lost my grandad a few months ago.Am particularly close with a couple of girlfriends (A & B). Both of which have just got back from a year in Oz together. I paid for A's connecting flight in Oz, money isn't the issue as she's paid me back.

    But i was feeling down one day and mentioned it to her, asking to see/speak to her more etc. as I felt that since she'd come back it has been me constantly being the one to see how she is etc. despite the fact that I'm grieving.she says sorry she hadn't realised and that she doesn't want me to be sad.

    A couple of days later I receive a snapchat from her of her and B hanging out. We're in a groupchat so I bring it up with them, that they both know I'm feeling down and it's a bit insensitive. B replies and says "oh so sorry didn't think, was a last minute thing" normal reply. A replies and gets defensive, then messages me privately saying " we've all got things going on". It escalated as arguments do and then I just left it.

    A couple of weeks later, I text her about meeting up to sort it out and she says she's "not ready"So I left it again, having not spoken since the end of May.

    Went to a friend's birthday on friday, knowing she would be there and i was ready to be civilised and say hi. She just ignored me.I just feel I've tried to be a good friend to her, kept checking on her while she was in Oz as I knew she was down quite a bit over there and other things I cba to list.

    It's just when I've needed her support she hasn't given it to me. What do you guys think? Should I try and talk to her again or just leave it now?

    TLDR: grandad passed, friend being ****.
    You have different expectations about friendship. You expect her to be supportive and either she is unwilling or uncomfortable about it.
    You get annoyed feeling she let you down and she gets annoyed feeling you are unreasonable.

    She ignored you, so shes clearly not interested in getting back.
    Imo she has made friends with B so she doesnt need or isnt bothered about you.

    If you wanted to be neutral then I would just leave it as there are very few options which mean you make up as friends. It migt mean apologising, which you might not wnat to do, but at he moment a friendship with A seems unstable.

    You could try using B as peacemaker, but she could just take A's side.

    I would just leave it and see if things settle. You sould obviously need some clear the air, but otherwise it could just drift. A hinted to you that she may have her own issues, so she isnt reallt in a giving mood. Unfortunately when times get tough then soemtimes friends let you down or arent as supportive as you would like.

    So thats not many options for you.

    1. Attempt to have it peace brokered by B.
    2. Attempt compromise, whicch would mean saying sorry for your part.
    3. Let it settle and see if it improves by Christmas.
    4. Break it.
 
 
 
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