Seriously, I'm dull. I tend not to do anything interesting, I only play video games until my eyes go square, sit in my room and watch TV. Starting to get sick of it now. I've a good range of friends and used to go out quite a bit but I feel like a dirty dull shoe next to their polished selfs. They seem to think I'm funny and interesting.... errr... dunno where they got that idea, but apparantly I had a Golden Era a few years back where I was a jolly Santa Claus esque person 'who took things as they came'. It's strange I even have as many friends as I do now... but somehow I managed... tho back in Primary school I was as lonely as Jesus in the Desert, not by choice...
Help me shed the shackles of dullness! Is it possible to shine after being dull for so long? I know maybe I can do it because truly dull people are those who don't know any better and don't really want to change. I'm not a stupid guy, every IQ test I've ever taken puts me up at 122 and I do pretty good academically, I did a few to get the average... sadddddd I know. I'm not blowing my trumpet because IMO I don't have one. I have a **** poor memory and concentration so I reckon my IQ is going to waste... and I'm sadly a dull witted asshat. Wish I was more imaginative and creative also, sometimes I get these periods where I'm 'me x5' and I feel more capable and funny, with a better memory but they tend to go after a week or two and I sink into miserableness...
So I reckon I have it in me. It just feels like I'm trying to draw blood from a stone most of the time, I'm just stuck for conversation... it doesn't help that I can't really work up an interest in most things saying as I'm looking inward and trying to work out the mudpit that is my mind... but when I feel 'x5' I tend to get interested but it's hard keeping it up when the inevitable ****ty mood comes by to piss me off even more. I have like an eternal invigilator in my mind that puts a grade on anything I say, and if it aint witty or clever enough then it puts me down a peg lower in terms of happiness.
I'm applying for jobs now to do away with the holiday boredom, but I'm worried I'll have the other staff bringing pillows into work saying as I'm usually a conversational dud.