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    So I have this friend who I find quite emotionally abusive. We've known each other for 7 years and we were very close for over half of that time (where she wasn't abusive) and our families know each other quite well as well. Anyway like I said I find her emotionally abusive and it has progressively gotten worse in the past few months. She says horrible things, is controlling, destroys my self esteem and makes me feel quite low at least 70% of the time that I'm with her. Yet every time I would go back because of the 30% she was nice and it was like old times and the fact she's really good at manipulating me into making me feel like I need her and making me stay.

    I noticed a few days ago that this was indeed an abusive friendship and I told about 4 of my friends and they all agreed that I should stay away from her because they'd seen themselves how one minute I would be saying I don't want to speak to her again and the next praising her. The last time I saw her she made me feel disgusted with myself and I swore to god I wouldn't see her afterwards. Even though before I left she again manipulated me and somehow made me agree to meet her on Tuesday. Anyway the next day I told her I couldn't make it on Tuesday and I would text her the next time I was free (never) and I ignored all her messages and calls till now.

    Today (when i was meant to meet her) I went out with my other friend and I posted a few things on snapchat and she viewed them and snapped me "What you did was really not nice I see how it is but it's okay I'm not even angry". This made me feel a tiny bit bad because I basically just cut her off without an explanation and she probably doesn't even know how badly her comments and actions can affect me sometimes. And I also know she has a lot of personal problems as well... I'm really conflicted because I don't know if I should explain why I'm cutting her off and risk her manipulating me or telling me I'm wrong or telling me she'll stop and doesn't. OR if I should just continue to ignore her. All her intentions just seem so selfish sometimes even when she is suppose to be "caring". Idk...
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    (Original post by bluemadhatter)
    So I have this friend who I find quite emotionally abusive. We've known each other for 7 years and we were very close for over half of that time (where she wasn't abusive) and our families know each other quite well as well. Anyway like I said I find her emotionally abusive and it has progressively gotten worse in the past few months. She says horrible things, is controlling, destroys my self esteem and makes me feel quite low at least 70% of the time that I'm with her. Yet every time I would go back because of the 30% she was nice and it was like old times and the fact she's really good at manipulating me into making me feel like I need her and making me stay.

    I noticed a few days ago that this was indeed an abusive friendship and I told about 4 of my friends and they all agreed that I should stay away from her because they'd seen themselves how one minute I would be saying I don't want to speak to her again and the next praising her. The last time I saw her she made me feel disgusted with myself and I swore to god I wouldn't see her afterwards. Even though before I left she again manipulated me and somehow made me agree to meet her on Tuesday. Anyway the next day I told her I couldn't make it on Tuesday and I would text her the next time I was free (never) and I ignored all her messages and calls till now.

    Today (when i was meant to meet her) I went out with my other friend and I posted a few things on snapchat and she viewed them and snapped me "What you did was really not nice I see how it is but it's okay I'm not even angry". This made me feel a tiny bit bad because I basically just cut her off without an explanation and she probably doesn't even know how badly her comments and actions can affect me sometimes. And I also know she has a lot of personal problems as well... I'm really conflicted because I don't know if I should explain why I'm cutting her off and risk her manipulating me or telling me I'm wrong or telling me she'll stop and doesn't. OR if I should just continue to ignore her. All her intentions just seem so selfish sometimes even when she is suppose to be "caring". Idk...
    Go for a clean cut. No replies and no feeling guilty over your ex-friends' actions. Stick with your real friends and enjoy yourself 100% of the time rather than the 30% of the time you're with her.

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    Oddly I don't have any personal experiences to draw from here. Anyone I've disliked or 'disagreed' with has faded away from my life.

    But I would say that, if you really wanted to, you could send her one last message saying whatever you need to say to get closure/give her an explanation, and then block her immediately afterwards. Either way you should get rid of her from what you've written, despite her personal problems (which, okay, are sad, and we all have them.. ) but it's not your responsibility to hang around and help given the situation.
 
 
 
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