The Student Room Group

Feeling low

This guy I knew quite well and liked a lot finally came and visited me last week after being away for a month to help me move place. He had hinted he was going to ask me out and he did so. In the month leading up to last week we had been in daily contact .... talking on the phone into the early hours (I ran up a £100 phone bill when its normally £30.)

We had an amazing week together and I knew that it wouldn't always be like it but I was such an amazing confidence boost on the hard work and effort I had put into trying to get myself out a very bad rut where most days I said sod the world and stayed in bed.

I knew he still had feelings and thoughts about his ex because they were very serious and broke up only a month ago so I was very supportive and understanding and had been since they're break up.

Last night he turned around and broke up with me because she had put doubts in his head and he said that he couldn't commit to me 100% which was unfair on me despite me telling him that I didn't care because I just wanted the best for him and for him to be happy. I tried so hard not to get upset because I wanted to be supportive and try understanding his point of view but I literally broke down into a flood of tears which hasn't stopped and if it wasn't for the fact I am hiding in the computer room at uni, I'd be crying now.

Today, I agreed to give him some space and not contact him until he was ready to contact me but within five minutes of hanging up, I nearly called him because I needed a friend to talk everything through and he was the only person I could think of, I stopped myself when I reasiled why I couldn't call him.

He made me feel so special and made me actually care about myself for the first time in a long while and it was such as great feeling. He wasn't 100% responible for the change in me but he was a big part of it. The best moment was about 2 weeks ago during a meeting with my personal tutor, when my tutor turned out and said she was shock how different I looked and how happy I seemed. It really helped since I had had a **** year and I reckon my family and my ex-boyfriend were worried, I'd do something silly.

When I saw myself in the mirror this morning, it was like that month never happened and I was back to my old self. I am hiding in the computer room because I can't stand the flat because I feel him everywhere there but I have to go home soon because I reckon they close down the computer rooms at midnight during the summer.

I feel so selfish writing this because its all about my side not his and I know that the guy involved will read this but I have nobody to turn to here and my few friends I have tried to talk to about it have turned about and told me that he used me, I was just a rebound, I can do better, forget about him. and it doesn't help.
To be fair, it wasn't the guy that made you feel good, act different and look different, was it? I mean, he was the catalyst, but he cause you to make the change, he wasn't the change. I'm not going to go all preachy and "it was always inside you", because it's cliche to be of any use, but honestly if a guy can change you from being a bit of a wreck to a happy, outgoing chica then there's really no reason to be a wreck. None of the stuff he did or said was a lie, so the goodness it made you feel shouldn't be any less applicable now.
Reply 2
:hugs:

(refer to shoutbox)
DanGrover
To be fair, it wasn't the guy that made you feel good, act different and look different, was it? I mean, he was the catalyst, but he cause you to make the change, he wasn't the change. I'm not going to go all preachy and "it was always inside you", because it's cliche to be of any use, but honestly if a guy can change you from being a bit of a wreck to a happy, outgoing chica then there's really no reason to be a wreck. None of the stuff he did or said was a lie, so the goodness it made you feel shouldn't be any less applicable now.



As I have pointed out in the shoutbox, the guy has made contact (in a nice way) so I am a LOT LOT LOT happier.

Anyway, I see your point but when he broke the news to me I was in the car park of the university car park in my car, with two security guys watching me. And when I woke up I looked pants from too much crying and then it was like I can't be arsed with this if I am going to be hurt all the time.

The guy is so sweet and nice, he was the first guy to say I looked good all the time (even naked :eek: ) and I could tell he meant it. He made me feel like a girly girl which is something no-body has ever managed and some days after saying good night on the phone it was like cloud 9 x 1 million.

(Ouch I have it bad for this guy)
Been having an okish day today until his ex girlfriend sent me a message on myspace.

Now I feel like going and finding a sandpit and bury my head in it.
lessthanthree
a nice message? or a nasty message?

A "get you hands off my fiance" message - rather nasty to.

Even offered to find me someone else so I didn't have to go "steal" someone elses guy.
Reply 6
Don't be silly, you have the full right to be sad and upset, it shows you're a caring person!! (well in my eyes it does anyway). At times like this, i always find it best to find your friends and spend time with them. I know it sounds too easy, but something like this will take time to get over and being around people who care and love you will help no end :smile:

Keep your chin up hon. We're all human, we all hurt at times

<big hug>
Reply 7
a_musical_gal
A "get you hands off my fiance" message - rather nasty to.

Even offered to find me someone else so I didn't have to go "steal" someone elses guy.


she sounds like a jeb end. hopefully he'll realise that at some point.

You sound like a nice enough person, sounds like he's got the wrong gal! give me his number, i'll talk to him :biggrin: :top:
Dagowly
i always find it best to find your friends and spend time with them.

Thanks,

However, when I broke up with my ex boyfriend 6 weeks ago, all of my uni friends turned on me because I had met them all through him and they were his friends not mine.

I am pretty much on my tot now.
Reply 9
a_musical_gal
Thanks,

However, when I broke up with my ex boyfriend 6 weeks ago, all of my uni friends turned on me because I had met them all through him and they were his friends not mine.

I am pretty much on my tot now.


:frown: well you've got us lot here!! :smile:
When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go, Downtown :p:
I txt the guy saying his girlfriend had been in touch and he said we would talk about it later.

Nearly 24 hours later and after suffering the world's worst night through angry, upset and guilt trip and lack of sleep which really affected my work today, he's still be not been in touch.

Well why would he? I am just a desparate, boyfriend stealing idoit. :frown:
lessthanthree
I thought the "gf" was his ex. How confusing.

and he "would" because he promised he would. I'm sorry you're so in limbo over this.

[haha, your status is "in limbo" - how approp. but then again it would be appropriate because that's your status. I'm daft.

Its been "in limbo" for quite a while (since I stopped being Princess of Avatars) because this guy calls me his angel and sometimes I would feel it and sometimes I wouldn't (so I thought it was approp.)

We had a rather long phone call a couple of nights back and he says we would talk again later on that "day" (since it had gone past midnight) and we never did. I actually am so desparate that I drove to uni at 11:30pm last night and stayed in the computer room until 2am hoping to talk to him before I gave up.

I know I am sad and desparate and I am guess now that his ex was right about what she said to me which doesn't help my self-confidence. I never met here and she understood me better than I did and now I doubt I will see him again until we in the third year together (both of us are taking a year out for different reasons.)

To be honest, given how much I am hurting right now, I may request a transfer to a different uni because my department is so small that I wouldn't be able to avoid him and I wouldn't be strong enough to be able to see this guy on a daily basis given what has happened.

That sounds really sad I know and stupid but this guy makes me feel that he took everything good and decent about me and destoried that. Maybe I'll get over that feeling in time but for now at least, I have no reason to feel good or try to make me feel good.
Ok, I reckon the above needs a reply.

When Jon broke up with me, I was completely lost. I had had a string of things go wrong and had been ill for a while, failed my second year because of illness. I also came out of my last relationship which had been 18 months in length and in which I had lived with the guy since day one (in uni halls.) in such a mess. That relationship haven't just ended, it decayed slowing and horribly.

When I got with Jon, it took a lot because I was still lost and confused about a lot of things in my life and I still am. I had a great week with him but a relationship or a friendship with him is something I can't cope with.

Since our break-up, I have learnt how to rely on myself. Something I never did because I always had someone to do everything for me. At home - my parents, at uni - my ex. I am working full time to sort out a serious overdraft, filing in forms which might get me extra money for my course etc. In a couple of weeks, I am going to help my department out with welcome freshers and start getting involved with my department again, maybe join a society.

I don't want a relationship with anyone, for the first time in quite a few years, I am not looking for a relationship. Neither do I want a friendship with Jon. To be honest, I have never broken up with a guy, they have always broken up with me and I have usually been hurt to even talk to the guy, or sometimes we have tried to "be friends" and its not worked out.

Jonathan, you know all this, writing a message online, is not going to change the fact I don't want to be in contact with you. I know you never can stand one side when somebody is having a tough time of it but you are now smothering me. I have an answerphone full of your messages and the last 15 txt messages I have recieved have been from you. I am not replying because I am serious. I don't want to have contact with you.

Please respect that and stop all your efforts to make contact with me. Its not going to work.