So Backstory first…
I'm 26years old and female. I've Had an amazing friend (29/M) for the past 3 months, we both became very close and I considered him one of my best friends. We’d been through some difficult break ups in the past 12 months so despite always having the biggest crush on him, I didn’t want to do anything until ready.
Fast forward to this weekend- we went on a city trip together, a few tequila shots later and we’re kissing and declaring undying love and laughing at how totally silly we are for liking each other but thinking we’d ruined it with the other person. Told each other we were going to marry the other, that we were in love…Instantaneously we decided we’d done the whole dating thing as friends and just go head into a relationship…
After we’d returned to reality this week, naturally we realised hang on a second- I know this person really well and enjoy time with them, but I don’t know them as a romantic partner. Plus we’re both scared this may be a rebound thing for both of us and the last thing we want to do is loose each other as best friends.
He had a little freak out yesterday and we had a really great chat about how we both felt. We agreed to ‘date exclusively’ and not label or rush into anything official that doesn’t feel right. We’re going to continue being friends, date and enjoy spending time exploring that romantic/sexual side of each other we’ve not yet met. We’re going to check in with each other regularly and enjoy our alone time as individuals as well and respect each others space. In terms of things moving too quickly or feeling scared we even came up with little code words for the other person to realise things are getting a bit too much or to slow down.
Alongside this we’re both going to get separate relationship counselling to deal with some issues from our previous relationships that are lingering.
After the chat we went out for a great meal, had a lovely date- little bit of flirting, cheeky make out session in the car and went our separate ways for the night.
So...I need some advice!
1) This guy is my best friend above anything else, we talk EVERYDAY as friends and send each other funny pictures and tell each other about our day. With anyone else I’m ‘dating’ I wouldn’t chat 6-7 times a day. Is it ok that we still carry on doing this?
2) What does taking it slow look like? Delaying sex? (we’ve done it a few times but not after the chat last night) Not staying at each others houses?
3) How can we communicate effectively and check in with each other healthily?
4) From what I’ve described above, do you feel that what we’ve decided to approach our relationship as is healthy? Have I not picked up any red flags?
tl;dr – Fallen for best friend, feels the same way but we’ve both recently come out of serious relationships and want to take it slow. How?
How to date your best friend...!! Watch
- Thread Starter
- 03-08-2016 13:53
- 03-08-2016 16:52
I can't help thinking you're rather over complicating this. You're both young, uncommitted and know you like each other - make the most of it! Obviously I don't think you should rush in to moving in together or getting married anything but if you want to have sex just get on with it. It is a good idea to spend some time as individuals but above all I think you should just enjoy yourselves!
- 03-08-2016 16:54
Dating your best friend sounds dangerous to me.
It might be the best thing ever OR it might be the worst decision you have made in your life and it can destroy your friendship.
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- 03-08-2016 19:47
It's very hard to turn a strong friendship like that into a romantic relationship. Also, you'll probably end up being each other's rebound and that doesn't end well. Give it a break, few months later and see how things go but it's a big risk
- 04-08-2016 02:08
Have sex with him, you'll know shortly after that if its going to work or not.
- 04-08-2016 07:10
Taking it slow for me means just not being in each other's faces/presence 24-7.
I don't think there's anything either of you are doing "wrong" per se, but I'm sure you're aware this is uncharted territory (dating your best friend who you've known for years).
It doesn't have to be difficult if you don't want it to be. Don't unnecessarily complicate things with your questions above.
Have sex if you both feel like you want to have sex. Communicate the same way you have been. If you change it, he'll notice and will ask what's up. All in all, just keep doing what you're doing.
- 04-08-2016 07:27
Just travel with him for whole day. You'll get to know easily what he wants.
- 04-08-2016 08:00
I took the gamble and started a relationship with my best friend. Best decision I've ever made.
It sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on the relationship already. Just relax and enjoy it