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Step-father watch

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    I love my step-father very much,much more than my biological father as he had abandoned me and now has a different family.I love my step-father very much I look up to him and want to make him and my mother proud.My grandma said he is not your father which hurt my feelings as I wish I was his as I would love to have a family structured life.When I told him what she said he didn't really say anything and when I told him that my grandmother told me not to study but i have entrance exams upcoming and my mother tells me to study.I just wanted him to say what I wanted him to say which would be something like this:study hard don't listen to your grandmother I believe in you but what he said was she is probably right she is probably very wise.I was hurt I bet if I was biologically his he would say something and would give me the tough love I need and deserve in order for me to do well academically.He says you are mine but then he says if you were mine I would do this etc.I am perplexed I love this person so much and they will never see me as their's I wish I knew what it feels like to have a father I don't think he will ever see me as his. My father (step) and my mother are the only people I look up to and my father (step) is very diligent and so is my mum which inspires me and if I don't study Ii feel something is wrong.I am just hurt and confused I wish my family saw him as my father and that he would truly truly see me as his maybe I want too much.I have not met his family but they are really well educated his mother studied at Cornell and is a doctor while his father works in finance.I don't know them but they seem quite inspirational and the people whom I would like to became.I am just desperate to be loved,cared for and have the family I never had as I was abandoned by my father when before I was born. For me a parent is someone who loves you and cares about you not someone who is related by blood I hate how many people don't see it that way as everyone just wants to be loved and cared for.
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    He was just being respectful when he said 'your grandma was probably right'. When he says if you were mine, it means he really cares about you and wishes you were his real daughter. Get used to listening to some of the statements like 'if you were his' its a way of expressing that he wanted a daughter like you. He probably dont even know that you think like this. So cheer up, it seems like he does love you like his own.
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    I wouldn't look too much into it - this seems like he was just trying to be respectful. It was likely a very awkward situation for him and its exactly what I would have said even if I loved the child very much. Being a step father probably is difficult at least first, remember he is the one coming into your family - so I personally would always be quite reluctant to freely criticise another member - so even if i disagreed i would just avoid conflict. This might all be crap but i genuinely would have said the same thing but inside quite hurt. I think it may even be the case that he's more upset than you - i would go and explain how much you love him. The fact that he still offers suggestions to help you but qualifies it with 'if you were mine' feels like he cares but he's scared of getting burned if he says something out of line. Let him know you love him like a real father and he'll feel more comfortable likely

    tldr: basically if you are feeling this way - its likely your dad feels the same way even worse - the way your grandma speaks may indicate he rightly doesn't feel fully accepted in the family himself to confidently critisze your grandma

    Again all this is probably looking way too deeply based on limited info
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    You ever spoken to your step-dad and mother about getting your step-dad to adopt you?
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    (Original post by chemphys)
    I wouldn't look too much into it - this seems like he was just trying to be respectful. It was likely a very awkward situation for him and its exactly what I would have said even if I loved the child very much. Being a step father probably is difficult at least first, remember he is the one coming into your family - so I personally would always be quite reluctant to freely criticise another member - so even if i disagreed i would just avoid conflict. This might all be crap but i genuinely would have said the same thing but inside quite hurt. I think it may even be the case that he's more upset than you - i would go and explain how much you love him. The fact that he still offers suggestions to help you but qualifies it with 'if you were mine' feels like he cares but he's scared of getting burned if he says something out of line. Let him know you love him like a real father and he'll feel more comfortable likely

    tldr: basically if you are feeling this way - its likely your dad feels the same way even worse - the way your grandma speaks may indicate he rightly doesn't feel fully accepted in the family himself to confidently critisze your grandma

    Again all this is probably looking way too deeply based on limited info
    I know but it just hurts I wish I knew what it would be like to have a real father who would provide emotionally and physically and was related by blood as when I tell people he is my father they make me feel uncomfortable as it is clear we are not related by blood as our skin colour is different,I wish I had a stable family life I wonder what his family thinks of us I never met any of them they will probably treat me like an outsider I am scared my mum will have a child I would feel replaced and not good enough I feel like I am badly bred and I wish my manners and the way I carry myself would be better I feel ashamed of who I am perhaps he is ashamed of me too.I am troubled by this,I wish things were different it makes me feel not good enough.I feel really sad, I wish he said what he really wanted to say I hate how my grandmother only cares about blood it hurts a lot to be rejected and feel unloved it hurts a lot.I feel not good enough I am deeply troubled by this all.I am sorry i just want to confine in someone and tell them what I feel to feel better.
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    (Original post by Allie4)
    You ever spoken to your step-dad and mother about getting your step-dad to adopt you?
    No,but he joked about me having his last name and said how it rhythmed but was he serious?
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    (Original post by Anonymous1502)
    No,but he joked about me having his last name and said how it rhythmed but was he serious?
    If said in jest it means it's a hint. Bring it up and see what happens. Say you'd want to jave his surname

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    I'm sure that the previous posts about him not wanting to be disrespectful toward another family member is true, so try not to over think that, or perhaps he was answering it in a closed way because he wants you to think for yourself, and make you own academic decision? My advice would be to speak to him, or if not your Mother, about how you are feeling, because it might just be that he feels this way about you but also doesn't feel comfortable expressing his affection, for whatever reason.
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    (Original post by Anonymous1502)
    I love my step-father very much,much more than my biological father as he had abandoned me and now has a different family.I love my step-father very much I look up to him and want to make him and my mother proud.My grandma said he is not your father which hurt my feelings as I wish I was his as I would love to have a family structured life.When I told him what she said he didn't really say anything and when I told him that my grandmother told me not to study but i have entrance exams upcoming and my mother tells me to study.I just wanted him to say what I wanted him to say which would be something like this:study hard don't listen to your grandmother I believe in you but what he said was she is probably right she is probably very wise.I was hurt I bet if I was biologically his he would say something and would give me the tough love I need and deserve in order for me to do well academically.He says you are mine but then he says if you were mine I would do this etc.I am perplexed I love this person so much and they will never see me as their's I wish I knew what it feels like to have a father I don't think he will ever see me as his. My father (step) and my mother are the only people I look up to and my father (step) is very diligent and so is my mum which inspires me and if I don't study Ii feel something is wrong.I am just hurt and confused I wish my family saw him as my father and that he would truly truly see me as his maybe I want too much.I have not met his family but they are really well educated his mother studied at Cornell and is a doctor while his father works in finance.I don't know them but they seem quite inspirational and the people whom I would like to became.I am just desperate to be loved,cared for and have the family I never had as I was abandoned by my father when before I was born. For me a parent is someone who loves you and cares about you not someone who is related by blood I hate how many people don't see it that way as everyone just wants to be loved and cared for.
    Could do with some paragraphs- hard to read without.

    Dont take it seriously. Study hard becayse you are doing it for yourself.
    Agree he is just being respectful and not wnating confrontation with your GM.

    He will want you to study hard and succeed. If he has helped raise you along with your mum, then he is your dad. Dont worry about the biological side.
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    (Original post by PippaStu)
    I'm sure that the previous posts about him not wanting to be disrespectful toward another family member is true, so try not to over think that, or perhaps he was answering it in a closed way because he wants you to think for yourself, and make you own academic decision? My advice would be to speak to him, or if not your Mother, about how you are feeling, because it might just be that he feels this way about you but also doesn't feel comfortable expressing his affection, for whatever reason.
    I wish he would give me the tough love I need sometimes to get through a tough week to pick me up and give me a lecture when I am not working hard enough to keep me going but he doesn't do that I will see him in 3 weeks I am at my grandmothers I am extremely agitated with her because my biological father is not my father and I hate it when she mentions him because I don't want to be reminded of him and a father is someone who loves you not someone who provided you with half of your chromosomes.I feel like my step-father is not proud of me and has no expectations i sent him a message yesterday about how I feel he did not see it yet he was online I deleted social media I don't want to wait and wait it gives me the impression that it doesn't matter to him whether I am in the UK or with my grandmother perhaps he just lies and doesn't really love me why would he I don't think anyone truly loves me.This situation is just such a burden on my heart.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Could do with some paragraphs- hard to read without.

    Dont take it seriously. Study hard becayse you are doing it for yourself.
    Agree he is just being respectful and not wnating confrontation with your GM.

    He will want you to study hard and succeed. If he has helped raise you along with your mum, then he is your dad. Dont worry about the biological side.
    Well the majority of my life I had not father so this is a problem and I really want to know what it is like all my childhood was just with nannies as my mother worked all the time.
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    (Original post by Anonymous1502)
    I wish he would give me the tough love I need sometimes to get through a tough week to pick me up and give me a lecture when I am not working hard enough to keep me going but he doesn't do that I will see him in 3 weeks I am at my grandmothers I am extremely agitated with her because my biological father is not my father and I hate it when she mentions him because I don't want to be reminded of him and a father is someone who loves you not someone who provided you with half of your chromosomes.I feel like my step-father is not proud of me and has no expectations i sent him a message yesterday about how I feel he did not see it yet he was online I deleted social media I don't want to wait and wait it gives me the impression that it doesn't matter to him whether I am in the UK or with my grandmother perhaps he just lies and doesn't really love me why would he I don't think anyone truly loves me.This situation is just such a burden on my heart.
    You're being far too harsh on yourself, of course your family love you! In my opinion, you need to speak to a family member, face-to-face, about this, as that is the only way it will ever be resolved, and overcome. Just relax, it'll work out, but either way you have to talk to someone.
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    (Original post by Anonymous1502)
    Well the majority of my life I had not father so this is a problem and I really want to know what it is like all my childhood was just with nannies as my mother worked all the time.
    So how long have you known him?

    The priority is you do well in your exams for you and not to please other people.

    Not all men areopenly demonstrative. Just do your best. In time if he sticks around then you will get to know each other better. You can then bond as father and daughter. Just carry on as you are and am sure he will adapt to being a father.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    So how long have you known him?

    The priority is you do well in your exams for you and not to please other people.

    Not all men areopenly demonstrative. Just do your best. In time if he sticks around then you will get to know each other better. You can then bond as father and daughter. Just carry on as you are and am sure he will adapt to being a father.
    A year maybe I want too much and expect too much it is just hard.
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    (Original post by Anonymous1502)
    A year maybe I want too much and expect too much it is just hard.
    Too much too soon. he doesnt yet feel he has a say in your life so probably defers.
    Also you are a lot older.

    Presumably you like him which is no bad thing. Lots of children dislike step parents. I hope hes a man who wants to be your friend, even if he finds the rile of father a bit more difficult.

    Be patient and dont let it run your life. learn to like and respect yourself. Ive been through some of this and its definitely the healthy way to go.
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    (Original post by Anonymous1502)
    No,but he joked about me having his last name and said how it rhythmed but was he serious?
    Agreed with what SMEGGY said, if its really getting to you then simply sit your parents down and explain to them how you are feeling and ask if your step-dad would actually consider adopting you. he may as well if he already loves you as a daughter. could be something else for all three of you to officially celebrate. everyone deserves to be happy, if this is what you want then find a way to make it happen. talk to them. even if they say no the first time keep asking, it'll make them realise how serious you are.
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    (Original post by Allie4)
    Agreed with what SMEGGY said, if its really getting to you then simply sit your parents down and explain to them how you are feeling and ask if your step-dad would actually consider adopting you. he may as well if he already loves you as a daughter. could be something else for all three of you to officially celebrate. everyone deserves to be happy, if this is what you want then find a way to make it happen. talk to them. even if they say no the first time keep asking, it'll make them realise how serious you are.
    Hes only been married a year. Its a big responsibility to adopt and she doesnt really know him yet. Sime men are pro kids, others tolerate them. It becomes a whole lot more complicated whne they are step parents. Better they get to know each other and build up a relationship first rather than forcing the situation. What happens if he says no? The OP is in need of a lot of love and affection. he may or may not be able or willing to provide it. Hopefully the OP can talk to her mum first as she married him.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Hes only been married a year. Its a big responsibility to adopt and she doesnt really know him yet. Sime men are pro kids, others tolerate them. It becomes a whole lot more complicated whne they are step parents. Better they get to know each other and build up a relationship first rather than forcing the situation. What happens if he says no? The OP is in need of a lot of love and affection. he may or may not be able or willing to provide it. Hopefully the OP can talk to her mum first as she married him.
    I don't want to sound forceful and I would be embarrassed I doubt he would understand I feel sometimes as if everyone wants me to fail academically.I don't know his family yet I don't think his mum likes the fact that my mum is older than him and that she has kids.I never met them though I cannot make a judgement but this is the impression I am receiving from his family.
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    (Original post by Anonymous1502)
    I don't want to sound forceful and I would be embarrassed I doubt he would understand I feel sometimes as if everyone wants me to fail academically.I don't know his family yet I don't think his mum likes the fact that my mum is older than him and that she has kids.I never met them though I cannot make a judgement but this is the impression I am receiving from his family.
    He doesnt know you yet, which mneans you need to be patient.

    he might be the type of man who enjoys the though of being a father whether biological or not or he might not be. Your mum is the one to speak to as she is married to him and presumably feell in love with him.

    Maybe get to know him first and make sure he sees a good side of you so you cna become friends.

    Focus on your exams for you and dont worry about everyone else.
 
 
 
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