Or at least, I may be subconsciously unable of going with instincts of lust and making advance, because there is so much aggressive feminism and conditioning in my head that tells me how I'lll get flamed, they'll go mad and think it's pervey- this is even when there's mutual attraction I can sense.
I spend my life, sometimes happy alone, but other times maddened that I'm too in my head to enjoy a sexual opportunity, it is a healthy side of life, I haven't enjoyed it much at all and am wondering if it may have a bad effect as I am lusting after womens bodies a lot, after all what you don't have you want more.
It's sometimes something subtly erotic, like today there was a female cleaner in the toilet, just me and her, with a really sweet voice saying sorry, she was buxom and cute and lovely, and as she stood behine me quite pronounced and slowly said something like sorry, in a way much too deliberate and gentle and the way she lingered behind me told me something also...then she was bending over really slowly using the mop.....Just naughty erotic moments like that get me so hot where there is so much mutual attraction and I really wish one time in my life I could follow through, I think there is too much conditioning in my head that tells me my perfectly healthy love of the female body will be offensive, or i've listen to the women who insult and do you down too much. When there are so many years of not experiencing any of that fun side of life, that must be humanising, wanting to share that so much with another human being, because not all experience can be solitary, then it gets really difficult, especially when you know it's your own conditioning, or something I can't fathom, because my sex drive is high and my attractiveness is high, I'm told. And my awe sometimes at the female form just hits me. So why the disconnect, between my innate sexuality, striaght, my strong ddesires, the fact people have said Im attractive, and my total lack of nookie or flirting? There are people older and less attractive getting loads. What is the problem...?
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