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Asking my ex about the past (need help) Watch

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    Guys, my girlfriend broke up with me half a year ago and I never really questioned it properly as I stopped speaking to her. The only reason she gave was that she felt it wasn't working out and she never said why. I started speaking to her recently and I've just started to think what made her break up with me in the first place... I couldn't think of a reason and I asked to meet up with her to talk. If she does come, I don't know where to start and how to ask her. Please help!
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    I wouldn't meet up with your ex, knowing the reason isn't going to help you. Maybe you still have feelings and you are using this as an excuse to interact.

    *Please don't take offence this is just my opinion*
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Asking my ex about the past (need help)
    DON'T. Just stop going down that road. There's nothing good to see there
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    One of those things that could go very very wrong and you might not like your answers. Pick the right moment when she is receptive.

    Of she is single, then i'd probably mention the fact youve enjoyed being in contact again and that you were a bit unclear as to why you split up in the furst place. If you put people on the spot or make them uncomfy then they shut up shop and can resent it. Try not to make it heavy or be needy, but keep it light and matter of fact to guage how recpetive she might be. Keep it short. Personally am not sure I would do it only 6 months after.
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    (Original post by natalie427)
    I wouldn't meet up with your ex, knowing the reason isn't going to help you. Maybe you still have feelings and you are using this as an excuse to interact.

    *Please don't take offence this is just my opinion*
    I feel like this is how my ex thinks I am by the way she talks to me at times but I'm just looking for answers. Although at the same time, it would be nice to catch up with her too since it's been months. I'd be happy to be friends with her but I feel that can't be done until I know the truth. Just a few minutes ago, she said three words out of nowhere which got me thinking a lot... "We never argue". What could she mean by that?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel like this is how my ex thinks I am by the way she talks to me at times but I'm just looking for answers. Although at the same time, it would be nice to catch up with her too since it's been months. I'd be happy to be friends with her but I feel that can't be done until I know the truth. Just a few minutes ago, she said three words out of nowhere which got me thinking a lot... "We never argue". What could she mean by that?
    Ex's as friends is impossible, I should know, I tried.
    That my friend is called a 'mind-f**k'. Ex's seem to be experts at them. Keeps you intrigued enough to carry on interacting but doesn't make sense.
    Mine likes to pop up and try to start a conversation then when I reply he likes to end it abruptly (likes to get one up on me). It would mess with my head if I had feelings still, luckily I don't.
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    when u see her, c**t punt the ***** and casually walk off
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    (Original post by natalie427)
    Ex's as friends is impossible, I should know, I tried.
    That my friend is called a 'mind-f**k'. Ex's seem to be experts at them. Keeps you intrigued enough to carry on interacting but doesn't make sense.
    Mine likes to pop up and try to start a conversation then when I reply he likes to end it abruptly (likes to get one up on me). It would mess with my head if I had feelings still, luckily I don't.
    I see from your experience it may feel impossible but at the moment it doesn't feel impossible for me. I've already asked to meet up with her its just I need help on what to say haha
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    (Original post by shawtyb)
    when u see her, c**t punt the ***** and casually walk off
    Lol, thats something i would never do but i can see why you would. I guess you could say I'm one of those forgiving nice guy
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I see from your experience it may feel impossible but at the moment it doesn't feel impossible for me. I've already asked to meet up with her its just I need help on what to say haha
    I got to that point and I met up.
    It seems to me you are trying to get her back?
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    It seems like you want closure. Which can really help in closing the book for a past relationship. Getting all the answers right, and even would help you in future relationships.

    If I were you, I'd maybe call her ? Or , if you're meeting her, let her know you would like some closure and you just want to understand where it all went wrong.

    I wouldn't invite her somewhere and then "bring it up" midway through conversation - chances are she won't be ready for that conversation and will lie / not give full info, or just want to leave.
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    (Original post by natalie427)
    I got to that point and I met up.
    It seems to me you are trying to get her back?
    I don't think I am, although I'll take your word for it. Maybe it's best to not meet up with her even if I feel like it's right :/
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    It seems like you want closure. Which can really help in closing the book for a past relationship. Getting all the answers right, and even would help you in future relationships.

    If I were you, I'd maybe call her ? Or , if you're meeting her, let her know you would like some closure and you just want to understand where it all went wrong.

    I wouldn't invite her somewhere and then "bring it up" midway through conversation - chances are she won't be ready for that conversation and will lie / not give full info, or just want to leave.
    Thanks, I think you have the answer I was looking for. It'll be a sensible thing to do I suppose
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think I am, although I'll take your word for it. Maybe it's best to not meet up with her even if I feel like it's right :/
    If you don't want to get back together, then it really isn't ideal to be friends. Its very very hard to move on when you are still communicating with your ex. I tried that too.

    Maybe you should try and clear your mind and work out what you want, If you honestly think clearing things like that up will help then do it.

    I would probably say exactly what you want to say, dont say it in a long about way, literally say it as it is.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think I am, although I'll take your word for it. Maybe it's best to not meet up with her even if I feel like it's right :/
    I certainly wouldn't ask searching questions like 'why did we break up' on a first meeting months later. Meet and just have a social time together, it may come up naturally in the conversation anyway, but more likely you will both go away and reflect on why you did - the answer may emerge to you afterwards, or the reasons might just come up afterwards, in a follow up conversation etc. You don't invite someone to catch up and then interrogate them with personal questions about decisions they made months and months ago.
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    I think you need some closure with this, otherwise it'll bleed into future relationships. You could meet up with her in a nondescript place like a coffee shop, not a particularly intimate atmosphere, and give a timeframe/have an excuse ready so you can leave quickly.

    Get chatting about your lives and how things are going, try and avoid the whole reminiscing thing because you'll both just miss your relationship (depending on how it ended). Tell her honestly something like: "look, after we broke up I was confused for a while about what caused it to end. Can you tell me, now we've long past that point, what caused the breakup, so that I can have some closure/have more awareness in future friendships/relationships?"

    If it gets confrontational, you can leave it and then at least you have the closure of knowing that there probably wasn't a reason and you can move on and not dwell any longer.
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    Meet up and see what happens. Be as honest as you feel you need to be. Without honesty, there's nothing to work with.

    It is possible to be friends with former partners.*
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    (Original post by natalie427)
    I wouldn't meet up with your ex, knowing the reason isn't going to help you. Maybe you still have feelings and you are using this as an excuse to interact.

    *Please don't take offence this is just my opinion*
    Actually it probably will help him hugely to know the reason.

    If he knows why she broke up with him, then he can make sure he doesnt make same mistake in the future in a new relationship, and avoid another relationship just randomly ending on him.
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    Thank you for your help guys, I'll take them all into consideration!
 
 
 
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