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    This is a tricky post to write, but I guess I just need advice about someone who suffers from bad bipolar (and I have known him for over a year and thought about dating him for a long time)

    Basically I met a guy (let's call him Aaron) at uni and we got on really well, but it turned out that he had a girlfriend (Sophie), which I only discovered after searching his facebook. He was quite flirty and we met up a lot, but he never mentioned his girlfriend, although personally I was happy being friends. One night we met up and he confessed that he had cheated on most of his ex girlfriends. About two weeks later Aaron cheated on his girlfriend with me. A few days later he broke up with her, and then confessed to me that he suffered from bipolar. We were seeing each other for a while (probably a mistake)... it later came out that Aaron had then slept with Sophie whilst seeing me. I was obviously incredibly angry and upset and didn't talk to Aaron for ages, but then I found out he had gone into a depressive mode and tried to kill himself through guilt.

    I was still angry, and eventually we did meet up over summer, and ended up seeing each other again. After feeling very overwhelmed by everything (partially the fact that I had failed a module in second year) I was a pretty awful person, and stopped meeting him quite suddenly. I regret that. In this time he ended up in a safe house too, it was horrible. I was struggling with my own mental health too and was on anti depressants.

    I went on my year abroad, and we didn't see each other until Christmas, and he shortly after used the L bomb, and asked me to be his girlfriend. I rejected him due to the circumstances, despite liking him a lot. We both ended up doing some awful and embarrassing drunk texts, and he's just come to visit me on my year abroad and it was all back to how we once were, and it's safe to say that I would consider a relationship with him upon my return.

    The thing that will get me though is when Aaron said he'd cheated on a lot of his exes, that he cheated on Sophie with me and that he slept with Sophie whilst seeing me. Has anyone got any advice, becasue I am pretty sure it's due to the bipolar and that he does feel a lot of remorse after? Has anyone got any experience? I was thinking of meeting him and going somewhere nice and quiet with no phone signal where we can just talk, and discuss the possibility of a relationship. I'm just a bit scared of the cheating thing and I mean, I've forgiven him for the last time, but it's still hard.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I've done a lot of research but it's still hard to figure it out, because I do like him a lot really.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is a tricky post to write, but I guess I just need advice about someone who suffers from bad bipolar (and I have known him for over a year and thought about dating him for a long time)

    Basically I met a guy (let's call him Aaron) at uni and we got on really well, but it turned out that he had a girlfriend (Sophie), which I only discovered after searching his facebook. He was quite flirty and we met up a lot, but he never mentioned his girlfriend, although personally I was happy being friends. One night we met up and he confessed that he had cheated on most of his ex girlfriends. About two weeks later Aaron cheated on his girlfriend with me. A few days later he broke up with her, and then confessed to me that he suffered from bipolar. We were seeing each other for a while (probably a mistake)... it later came out that Aaron had then slept with Sophie whilst seeing me. I was obviously incredibly angry and upset and didn't talk to Aaron for ages, but then I found out he had gone into a depressive mode and tried to kill himself through guilt.

    I was still angry, and eventually we did meet up over summer, and ended up seeing each other again. After feeling very overwhelmed by everything (partially the fact that I had failed a module in second year) I was a pretty awful person, and stopped meeting him quite suddenly. I regret that. In this time he ended up in a safe house too, it was horrible. I was struggling with my own mental health too and was on anti depressants.

    I went on my year abroad, and we didn't see each other until Christmas, and he shortly after used the L bomb, and asked me to be his girlfriend. I rejected him due to the circumstances, despite liking him a lot. We both ended up doing some awful and embarrassing drunk texts, and he's just come to visit me on my year abroad and it was all back to how we once were, and it's safe to say that I would consider a relationship with him upon my return.

    The thing that will get me though is when Aaron said he'd cheated on a lot of his exes, that he cheated on Sophie with me and that he slept with Sophie whilst seeing me. Has anyone got any advice, becasue I am pretty sure it's due to the bipolar and that he does feel a lot of remorse after? Has anyone got any experience? I was thinking of meeting him and going somewhere nice and quiet with no phone signal where we can just talk, and discuss the possibility of a relationship. I'm just a bit scared of the cheating thing and I mean, I've forgiven him for the last time, but it's still hard.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I've done a lot of research but it's still hard to figure it out, because I do like him a lot really.
    Sexual promiscuity can be one of many syptoms of the mania that can be experienced by people suffering from bipolar disorder. It's a tricky one, for sure.

    My advice would be, if you wish to pursue a relationship with him, to find out as much as you can about his treatment/care plan. Is he on meds/receiving any therapy? If so, are these effective? What kinda things trigger his episodes and are there any tell-tale early warning signs? That kinda stuff :yes: Also, consider whether you are ready and sufficiently prepared to take on carer-type responsibilities :yes:

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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Sexual promiscuity can be one of many syptoms of the mania that can be experienced by people suffering from bipolar disorder. It's a tricky one, for sure.

    My advice would be, if you wish to pursue a relationship with him, to find out as much as you can about his treatment/care plan. Is he on meds/receiving any therapy? If so, are these effective? What kinda things trigger his episodes and are there any tell-tale early warning signs? That kinda stuff :yes: Also, consider whether you are ready and sufficiently prepared to take on carer-type responsibilities :yes:

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    Thank you! I know he's definitely on medication, so I imagine he receives therapy too. He did give up alcohol for about a year, but realistically I don't think it helped much, so he is drinking again.

    It's really hard to make a full judgement given the fact I've been out of the country for a year. There have certainly been blips, but I would say he's probably more stable than this time last year. But those are some really good things to ask him about thank you!!

    What do you mean by carer-type responsibilities?
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    It's touching that you intend to sacrifice so much for someone that dysfunctional.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you! I know he's definitely on medication, so I imagine he receives therapy too. He did give up alcohol for about a year, but realistically I don't think it helped much, so he is drinking again.

    It's really hard to make a full judgement given the fact I've been out of the country for a year. There have certainly been blips, but I would say he's probably more stable than this time last year. But those are some really good things to ask him about thank you!!

    What do you mean by carer-type responsibilities?
    I mean things like looking after him when in an episode, contacting services on his behalf, ensuring he attends appointments etc. Not that you'd officially be his carer but as his partner, you'd (hopefully!) be the first to notice if things are going wrong, and he'd probably be heavily reliant on you to look after him when unwell :yes:

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    (Original post by Cremated_Spatula)
    It's touching that you intend to sacrifice so much for someone that dysfunctional.
    I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm sacrificing anything, nor that he's dysfunctional. I'm just accepting that a realtionship could.. in face I know it would, be tougher than it may be with someone who may not fall in and out of episodes. I would still keep myself healthy and put myself first, but I know I'd have to deal with the consequences.
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    I mean things like looking after him when in an episode, contacting services on his behalf, ensuring he attends appointments etc. Not that you'd officially be his carer but as his partner, you'd (hopefully!) be the first to notice if things are going wrong, and he'd probably be heavily reliant on you to look after him when unwell :yes:

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    Okay, I understand that I don't know if you're an expert in this or anything, but you've given me plenty of advice, so do you think that it would be problematic being in a relationship with him whilst being in final year and working towards my degree? Obviously he's also got his friends and family around him to support him too
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay, I understand that I don't know if you're an expert in this or anything, but you've given me plenty of advice, so do you think that it would be problematic being in a relationship with him whilst being in final year and working towards my degree? Obviously he's also got his friends and family around him to support him too
    I'm def no expert on this - I have severe mental health problems, which is why I'm advising as such. I've not had experience of a proper relationship, so I don't know how it could pan out with it being your final year. I think you would have to outline at the start of the relationship that though you care, you may be less available, and have plans/suggestions of what he can do if you're too busy to help him, etc :dontknow: That would be my advice, anyway
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is a tricky post to write, but I guess I just need advice about someone who suffers from bad bipolar (and I have known him for over a year and thought about dating him for a long time)

    Basically I met a guy (let's call him Aaron) at uni and we got on really well, but it turned out that he had a girlfriend (Sophie), which I only discovered after searching his facebook. He was quite flirty and we met up a lot, but he never mentioned his girlfriend, although personally I was happy being friends. One night we met up and he confessed that he had cheated on most of his ex girlfriends. About two weeks later Aaron cheated on his girlfriend with me. A few days later he broke up with her, and then confessed to me that he suffered from bipolar. We were seeing each other for a while (probably a mistake)... it later came out that Aaron had then slept with Sophie whilst seeing me. I was obviously incredibly angry and upset and didn't talk to Aaron for ages, but then I found out he had gone into a depressive mode and tried to kill himself through guilt.

    I was still angry, and eventually we did meet up over summer, and ended up seeing each other again. After feeling very overwhelmed by everything (partially the fact that I had failed a module in second year) I was a pretty awful person, and stopped meeting him quite suddenly. I regret that. In this time he ended up in a safe house too, it was horrible. I was struggling with my own mental health too and was on anti depressants.

    I went on my year abroad, and we didn't see each other until Christmas, and he shortly after used the L bomb, and asked me to be his girlfriend. I rejected him due to the circumstances, despite liking him a lot. We both ended up doing some awful and embarrassing drunk texts, and he's just come to visit me on my year abroad and it was all back to how we once were, and it's safe to say that I would consider a relationship with him upon my return.

    The thing that will get me though is when Aaron said he'd cheated on a lot of his exes, that he cheated on Sophie with me and that he slept with Sophie whilst seeing me. Has anyone got any advice, becasue I am pretty sure it's due to the bipolar and that he does feel a lot of remorse after? Has anyone got any experience? I was thinking of meeting him and going somewhere nice and quiet with no phone signal where we can just talk, and discuss the possibility of a relationship. I'm just a bit scared of the cheating thing and I mean, I've forgiven him for the last time, but it's still hard.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I've done a lot of research but it's still hard to figure it out, because I do like him a lot really.
    As has been said, sexual promiscuity can be a symptom of mania or hypo mania. I think the most important thing is to set boundaries - how much you can help, what you are willing to do and what you aren't, what you expect from him. Maybe think about how to deal in a crisis situation, you have to be satisfied with the plan. My girlfriend has mental health problems, as do I. We both have clear boundaries for each other, for example if we feel suicidal we have to let the other know and accept whatever help they feel is appropriate e.g. Going to A&E or calling ambulance/police. We have to avoid putting each other in a difficult situation.

    In terms of cheating, I know as someone who experiences episodes of mania, it can be hard to control the sexual urges. However, just because that is part of his condition, it doesn't mean you have to deal with it. Maybe you need to have a discussion with him and think how to manage this. Maybe he needs to recognise his warning signs and let you know when he is getting high so you can help him get support. But be honest with him - if it is hard for you, let him know.

    It can be hard dating someone with bipolar, but being honest and setting boundaries goes a long way. Good luck with it.


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm sacrificing anything, nor that he's dysfunctional. I'm just accepting that a realtionship could.. in face I know it would, be tougher than it may be with someone who may not fall in and out of episodes. I would still keep myself healthy and put myself first, but I know I'd have to deal with the consequences.
    There is sacrifice in every relationship, in your case 'may be tougher' is a massive understatement.

    I'd say anyone who has cheated that much and still excuses himself with his disorder is "unable to deal adequately with normal social relations".

    But none of this is any of my business.
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    (Original post by Cremated_Spatula)
    There is sacrifice in every relationship, in your case 'may be tougher' is a massive understatement.

    I'd say anyone who has cheated that much and still excuses himself with his disorder is "unable to deal adequately with normal social relations".

    But none of this is any of my business.
    He's actually never said anything about it being to do with his disorder, I am just imagining that it is. Like I said it's something I do need to talk to him about really :/
 
 
 
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