The Student Room Group

Parents, older boyfriend, further problems

A few weeks back I made a thread about telling my parents about my new older (33) boyfriend.

They took it as well as could be expected, and I thought it would be alright, however things are getting worse and worse. For the first week they barely spoke to me, and when they did they had the most dissapointed looks on their faces.

Then they went to France, and where normally they would have rung like every day, I've barely heard from them. I also heard from my brother tonight that they asked him to tell them if my boyfriend had stayed the night.

I'm sick of it, if they don't like the idea of me seeing this man then why can't they just come out and say it? More importantly, do they genuinely think this behaviour is going to push us apart?

I really don't know what to do, I love my parents I really do, but it's reached a point now where I can't bare the thought of them coming home on Sunday, and am seriously considering moving into my uni house on the 1st of august to get away (but I know this will further damage our relationship).

I don't really know what advice I want, just something to work with?

thanks

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Reply 1
talk to your parents like n adult maybe?
Exactly talk to them like proper human beings
Reply 3
Thank you for stating the obvious, what do you mean like 'adults' or 'proper human beings'?

I hate to sound nasty, but all I have done since I started seeing this guy was tell them the truth and not hide anything from them, and they still treat me like I'm running round behind their backs.

I'm sorry but if you're going to write useless things like that you needn't have bothered as I don't see what I have gained from either of you.

For anyone reading who will treat this seriously, what can I do? How can I make them see how much this upsets me, given that what I am saying obviously isn't getting through.
Reply 4
loz_fairy
For anyone reading who will treat this seriously, what can I do? How can I make them see how much this upsets me, given that what I am saying obviously isn't getting through.


Well, what you need to do is invest in a thirty foot neon sign that reads "YOUR ACTIONS ARE UPSETTING ME", and have it fixed to the house opposite so they see it every time they step outside. Then you need to make a point of slamming doors in their face, smashing plates and crying, but whatever you do, do not continue to try to get through to them by calmly explaining yourself like an adult!
Reply 5
soooo why did you tell them about him ? You obviously *know* your parents a bit, so you knew what to expect from them, right?
Reply 6
Ah i think we have found the problem. You obviously arent that mature :rolleyes:
Reply 7
Time is the only way to fix this unfortunately.

You just have to be patient. Dont move into your uni house, stay at home so they know you still love them ( and it doesnt make a 'big deal' out of your new relationship).

Get your boyfriend to come to the house a lot, even if its just to pick you up. The more they see him and realise that he's a nice guy, they can trust and accept him. If you treat your boyfriend like you would a younger boyfriend, they may come to realise its not that big a deal, and it is a 'nomal' relationship.

Once they realise that you and your boyfriend like each other and if your boyfriend treats you well, they'll accept him and may even like him too!

Beware though- it might take up to 6 -12 months for them to settle with your new relationship!

Good luck with it all.
Reply 8
Vera5018
soooo why did you tell them about him ? You obviously *know* your parents a bit, so you knew what to expect from them, right?


Don't you think hiding it would have made the situation worse? It looks bad enough to them now, never mind if I had snuck around and they'd found out.
I really wasn't expecting them to react the way they did. We are normally very open with each other, if there is a problem they would talk to me about it, not ask behind my back.
Firstly, how old are you?

Secondly how did you meet him?

Thirdly, do your parents know him/have they met him?
Trigger
Ah i think we have found the problem. You obviously arent that mature :rolleyes:



He'll soon run a mile when he realises that.
your 18 he 33. im sry but he sounds a bit pervy to me. what would a 33 year old guy want with a 18 year old? if i were your parents id be going crazy! i mean its..erm..kinda just wrong.

i bet hes going to the pub with his mates and having a right laugh about you. boasting about having sex with an 18 year old. you think he takes u seriously? im sry this aint nice to read but its summit u need to know. hey maybe im so wrong. but i doubt it.
I wouldn't so much say it's wrong, it's more of the case of, an 18 year old and a 33 year old are at a different stage in life.
Reply 13
wear_a_condom
your 18 he 33. im sry but he sounds a bit pervy to me. what would a 33 year old guy want with a 18 year old? if i were your parents id be going crazy! i mean its..erm..kinda just wrong.

i bet hes going to the pub with his mates and having a right laugh about you. boasting about having sex with an 18 year old. you think he takes u seriously? im sry this aint nice to read but its summit u need to know. hey maybe im so wrong. but i doubt it.


You say that like I don't.

More importantly, what difference does it make, a guy can be any age and not take you seriously and boast about sex, why does being 33 make it different... If that's what he is using me for...I'll get over it.
Reply 14
So you go to the pub and have a laugh at his expense and boast about sleeping with a 33 year old?
Reply 15
I'm proud that the person I'm sleeping knows what he is doing, yes
Reply 16
loz_fairy
You say that like I don't.

More importantly, what difference does it make, a guy can be any age and not take you seriously and boast about sex, why does being 33 make it different... If that's what he is using me for...I'll get over it.


Yer, but you have to remember the basic thing.

A guy boasting that he is having sex with a 18yr old girl makes him a hero to his mates (sorry, couldn't think of another word), but a girl boasting that she is having sex with a 33yr old man makes her seem.......well a gold digger.
Reply 17
loz_fairy
I'm proud that the person I'm sleeping knows what he is doing, yes
thats not what you said :wink:
well the relationship seems like a bit of a joke. if u happy with that then fine.
Love knows no age, only society unfortunatly. If you are happy with this guy and want to continue having a relationship with him (how long have you been together) then you have to realise your parents obviously don't appove. Going on at them, telling them they are hurting you etc doesn't sound like it will work, they can't falsly accept him for your benefit.
If he is worth the trouble then carry on with seeing him but don't let the relationship tear you away from your family because there the one thing that will always be there no matter what.
I suppose you just have to 'get on with it' for lack of a better phrase, talk to them when you canand ease him into the family circle if the relationship goes that far.