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My friend has been self harming
HEres the situation:
We are both 16, we have just left school, she was self harming while in our last year.
I started realising at about 4 months ago but didnt say anything. she was bragging to another girl who i know also does it about her scars and what they were like ect. I told her she shouldnt do it, its dangerous ect and i have said that since i found out. She said she has been doing it about 3 months prior to me finding out.
Sometimes when she come into school you would see several more cuts on her wrists and other side of the elbow and i was so close so many times to tell this particular teacher who i trust wouldnt start spreading stuff and actually help. But everytime i went near him i felt disloyal and made up something stupid about needing help with maths (he was my teacher), or she would be near bye, or she would stop me knowing what i was about to do.
Ive tried talking to her since leaving school but she wont answer my calls and i cant go to her house because she has just moved and im not sure where to. (somewhere in southampton, which is about 50 miles away from me)
I honestly dont think it was anything to do with exam stress. And i know i should have told a teacher when i had the chance. But what shall i do now???
Also what can the concequences be eventually? How much harm can she do?
We are both 16, we have just left school, she was self harming while in our last year.
I started realising at about 4 months ago but didnt say anything. she was bragging to another girl who i know also does it about her scars and what they were like ect. I told her she shouldnt do it, its dangerous ect and i have said that since i found out. She said she has been doing it about 3 months prior to me finding out.
Sometimes when she come into school you would see several more cuts on her wrists and other side of the elbow and i was so close so many times to tell this particular teacher who i trust wouldnt start spreading stuff and actually help. But everytime i went near him i felt disloyal and made up something stupid about needing help with maths (he was my teacher), or she would be near bye, or she would stop me knowing what i was about to do.
Ive tried talking to her since leaving school but she wont answer my calls and i cant go to her house because she has just moved and im not sure where to. (somewhere in southampton, which is about 50 miles away from me)
I honestly dont think it was anything to do with exam stress. And i know i should have told a teacher when i had the chance. But what shall i do now???
Also what can the concequences be eventually? How much harm can she do?
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Obviously we're not physchologists so there's only so much help we can give.
Is she on facebook or any other simliar networking tool? Get in touch with her that way and at least you can keep up with how she's doing.
It's a bit vainglorious to be bragging about self-harming though, innit? The fact that she's comparing scars is a little unnerving.
She can only help herself, ultimately. Get in touch with her the way I said, if you can, and say you need to talk about something with her.
Is she on facebook or any other simliar networking tool? Get in touch with her that way and at least you can keep up with how she's doing.
It's a bit vainglorious to be bragging about self-harming though, innit? The fact that she's comparing scars is a little unnerving.
She can only help herself, ultimately. Get in touch with her the way I said, if you can, and say you need to talk about something with her.
Well, tell us all how they stopped then?
jaydoh
Well, tell us all how they stopped then?
It stopped being considered angsty and cool, so they felt no need to do it.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely believe self harm is a real problem that people often never get over, but in my experience the type of person who brags about it and compares scars is looking for release in the attention they get for it, not in the cutting itself.
And as Thelfo alludes to, chances are if she no longer has that 'attention' factor (ie. from being in the classroom) she might stop.
Teenage years are always painful, of course. And some (Please note: some, don't all start having a go -_-) self-harm because of the attention, because they want to be 'emo' and 'cool' as a result. Once you're outside the school setting though there's no one to really be 'emo' and 'cool' with!
Keep trying to contact her, she'll come around eventually. You know, text or try to call once a week or so. Minimal effort from your part but at least she will know you still have her in your thoughts etc. She won't suddenly get horribly upset because you forget her, that kinda thing
Teenage years are always painful, of course. And some (Please note: some, don't all start having a go -_-) self-harm because of the attention, because they want to be 'emo' and 'cool' as a result. Once you're outside the school setting though there's no one to really be 'emo' and 'cool' with!
Keep trying to contact her, she'll come around eventually. You know, text or try to call once a week or so. Minimal effort from your part but at least she will know you still have her in your thoughts etc. She won't suddenly get horribly upset because you forget her, that kinda thing
Some self-harmers will look back in 20 years with a lot of regret.
she could cut a bloody tendon if she's that keen and require surgery, or even die a slow death, depends on the cut...
ameliajay
Sometimes it's just a cry for attention - and not really as serious as it seems.
You seem really nice but if it is that serious, her family have to be there for her, I doubt there's much you can do. I wouldn't worry that much.
You seem really nice but if it is that serious, her family have to be there for her, I doubt there's much you can do. I wouldn't worry that much.
No - if people are willing to cut themselves for attention, there's clearly something wrong with them anyway.
In response to the OP, I realise a lot of people might consider the fact that she compared scars to be evidence that she doesn't really mean anything she's doing. However, I've known some serious self-harmers who have done this, and they're not attention seeking in the slightest. I think maybe comfort can be found in finding people who do it too, as a reinforcement that you're not insane.
Jsk
Shoul i tell her parents?
Absolutely not. That could create a LOT more problems for her and she might end up doing it even more. If you want her parents to know you're gonna have to persuade her to tell them. The thing is, as is the case with a lot of parents, they probably won't understand and infinitely increase their control over her.
If you had told the teacher they would have had to tell the parents.
I'm a mature student so older than most people on here. I'm also a teacher and used to go out with someone who self-harmed about seven years ago - there does seem to have been a change now to where it's almost seen as "cool" to cut. Maybe this is a different sort of cutting to that done that's kept pretty much secret. I don't honestly know.
I read a fair bit about cutting when I was goign out with my then gf, and the general theory seemed to be that it was done as a "maladaptive coping strategy" - which basically means it was a way of dealing with feelings that was in itself (potentially) harmful. I'm thinking perhaps you could have a heart to heart with your friend and ask if she was okay as you'd noticed the cuts and if there's anything bothering her and try to persuade her to speak to someone if there is.
Good luck with it
I'm a mature student so older than most people on here. I'm also a teacher and used to go out with someone who self-harmed about seven years ago - there does seem to have been a change now to where it's almost seen as "cool" to cut. Maybe this is a different sort of cutting to that done that's kept pretty much secret. I don't honestly know.
I read a fair bit about cutting when I was goign out with my then gf, and the general theory seemed to be that it was done as a "maladaptive coping strategy" - which basically means it was a way of dealing with feelings that was in itself (potentially) harmful. I'm thinking perhaps you could have a heart to heart with your friend and ask if she was okay as you'd noticed the cuts and if there's anything bothering her and try to persuade her to speak to someone if there is.
Good luck with it
I don't think telling her parents is the best way forward, from what I have read. That might just cause more problems.
I know it probably sounds cheesy, but I would just be there for her (at least for the time being). She might appreciate just having a close friend who she can trust.
I know it probably sounds cheesy, but I would just be there for her (at least for the time being). She might appreciate just having a close friend who she can trust.
No - if people are willing to cut themselves for attention, there's clearly something wrong with them anyway.
like what? There's probably something wrong with alot of people but it doesnt mean you have to over react - I'm saying that the person is kind to be concered but there's no need to worry that much.
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