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Tactfully Not Inviting Friends Places watch

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    Whatever you say your friend will probably be offended; she was hoping for a good time abroad and perhaps wanting to strengthen a weakening relationship.

    Nonetheless that doesn't mean you shouldn't put any thought into what you say. Obviously since you are posting here you are thinking about how to do this in the best way. Personally I would just explain to her that due to the financial issues and other people dropping out that you had planned on your smaller group. If she persists then I would mention that your friendship has been drifting apart.

    It may sound harsh, but from my experience of some 'friends' deciding over-night that they wanted to play little silent games with me and go every where without me, that the one thing I wished they had done was be upfront with me, because that takes courage. Something they obviously lacked...or perhaps it was a spine.
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    Yeah, better just to be honest with her and tell her the reasons straight up.
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    Agreed, whatever way you tell her, she will be so hurt by it, but best to be honest.
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    Just tell her you had all the details worked out for four people and it's pretty much already planned, that adding a 5th person would add expense meaning that none of you could go.
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    If you don't mind a flat out lie, you could say that one or two of your parents have paid for the four of you as a surprise A Level present, and you'd have to undo all their bookings and make her pay for herself etc.
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    I'm wondering why no one questioned this so far: Why in the world is it so bad if she comes along? It sounds so terrible to exclude like that just because you're not as close friends as you'd like to be. It's not like you're going on a honeymoon or anything.
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    (Original post by Adhsur)
    I'm wondering why no one questioned this so far: Why in the world is it so bad if she comes along? It sounds so terrible to exclude like that just because you're not as close friends as you'd like to be. It's not like you're going on a honeymoon or anything.
    Presumably because 1) it'd cost more for all of them, 2) it'd make everyone feel awkward and 3) they don't want to be friends with her. They have no intention of keeping in contact with her.
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    Have you given her details etc? If not, just don't mention it again and she'll probably forget about it - then sort the details out quietly between yourselves.
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    tell her its already booked
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    Just go with her and learn to include people beyond your tiny circle. It will do you a wealth of good in later life Who knows, you may even enjoy it with her. There was a reason why you were close friends with this girl before - just cus you've drifted doesn't mean the reason isn't still there.

    Alternatively, yeh, just say it's all booked and you didn't know she wanted to come too, and just invite her out for a coffee with all your friends and buy her lunch instead
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    It's sneaky, but I think you should let the idea 'fizzle out' when you're around her over the next few months, pretend like you decided it was too expensive to something. Then revive the idea privately with your friends who are going, and the other girl will probs forget about it - me and my friends are always coming up with holiday ideas that die down after a few days/weeks and we forget about, so it would probably happen here if you just stopped chatting about it.

    If, when it is is all booked or she sees the photos etc, say you managed to get a late deal cheap for the 4 of you.
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    (Original post by Adhsur)
    I'm wondering why no one questioned this so far: Why in the world is it so bad if she comes along? It sounds so terrible to exclude like that just because you're not as close friends as you'd like to be. It's not like you're going on a honeymoon or anything.
    It's going to cost more for us if she does come with us, and we can't really afford it. We want to go on a fun holiday, and it won't be that if we're constantly worried whether or not we're including her enough, or if she's feeling left out or whatever.

    We probably will just let the idea die out. We're always planning things that come to nothing, so it wouldn't be unusual, I suppose. Thank you!
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    (Original post by Adhsur)
    I'm wondering why no one questioned this so far: Why in the world is it so bad if she comes along? It sounds so terrible to exclude like that just because you're not as close friends as you'd like to be. It's not like you're going on a honeymoon or anything.
    Oh come on, they want a holiday for their little group, which that girl is obviously not a part of. I don't see it as malicious, and the OP obviously wants to be tactful about it and avoid upsetting girl X.
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    Been in this situation and pushed the girl out that we didnt want to come. Biggest mistake of my life i'd say. Be careful what you do, she might turn ut to be one of your best mates in the long run, but you just dont know it yet. Take that risk if you want, but i did and i really REALLY regret it.

    Obviously though, every situation is different so it might not be like mine at all.

    For the record though, we told her that we needed the money the next day, knowing full well she wouldnt have it, as we'd pretty much booked it already. She didnt come, I still had a good trip but I lost someone who really cared about me, and the girl i DID go with... ended up sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back. Its funny how things work out. Just make sure you know what you're doing. Its only a week after all, you can still have fun, no matter who's there.
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    If you used to be friends, maybe the trip could rekindle the friendship. She can't be that bad if you used to like her...whatever you do though, it might be best to tell her soon, as she would then at least have enough time to sort her holidays out and not end up sitting at home being annoyed all summer.
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    Tread carefully, the very best thing you can do is be upfront and honest - don't let the idea fizzle out whilst secretly planning it and hoping she doesn't find out as that is just mean. If you let her down gently then she may still have a chance to organise something with other people (perhaps others from your french class). She's going to be hurt but I think seeing as you were friends with her and have drifted slightly you owe her the honesty.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's going to cost more for us if she does come with us, and we can't really afford it. We want to go on a fun holiday, and it won't be that if we're constantly worried whether or not we're including her enough, or if she's feeling left out or whatever.

    We probably will just let the idea die out. We're always planning things that come to nothing, so it wouldn't be unusual, I suppose. Thank you!
    Why not say that she can come, but has to get a double room and find someone to share it with?

    That is, if you can count on her not being able to find anybody else to share with her. But if she does, the other person can keep her occupied.

    Either way having to find someone else might make her realise how awkward it's going to be for her too and drop out!
 
 
 
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