This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

I've come to a conclusion. Opinions needed.

First off, this IS in the right forum...it's about relations with people. So don't move it :smile:

I've decided that i don't make enough eye contact with people...it's something i've never really noticed so much over my life, but i think it's really affected it.

I'm a confident person, but i don't think i come accross that way. When i talk to somebody i only look directly at them for a little while then i look at something else, otherwise i feel i'm staring.

But i've started paying attention to it lately, and observing what other people do, and it seems when other people talk to eachother they look directly at eachother for quite a while.

I think this is one reason i don't meet so many people, i think many people think i'm not interested in them or don't realise they're there...which is usually the opposite, i usually know what's going on around me no matter where i am....i know who's around me, i'm usually observant...and great with faces.

When you talk to somebody do you look at them for a while or at the floor like me? lol...

It's something i've been trying to work on but it's hard to go against what you're naturally used to.

Also, when i'm around other places like shopping or at work, if i look at somebody and they look at me, i look away instictively...how do you all react?

Reply 1

Danny the Geezer

I'm the same, especially with woman. It makes me feel a bit embarrassed if I look straight at them, and especially if she's hot.

Reply 2

Juncture

I'm not sure if this is what you do have a problem with but if you can't look them in the eye if you look slightly lower down their face, say at their nose or something it looks to them as if you are maintaining eye contact

Reply 3

Raindroped

I noticed that in myself recently! I've been trying to get better at it but I always seem to end up feeling a bit stupid, but then I do seem to read to much into things. So don't worry, you're not the only one!

Reply 4

yellow96

I tend to look people in the eye because I'd feel awkward avoiding their gaze, but then I worry that I'm making them uncomfortable after a while. You just can't win. Eye contact has been proven to be effective in making friends, so you're right to want to use it more.

As for when I accidentally meet someone's eye, I usually just look away of my own accord. Unless I'm daydreaming, because I've been told that I give people quite appraising looks without meaning to, so then I try to look away before I cause an argument. :P

Reply 5

hippieglitter

Surely its common courtesy to look at someone when they are talking to unless it is obvious you are busy and have to look at what you are doing.

Reply 6

Arteta

hippieglitter

Surely its common courtesy to look at someone when they are talking to unless it is obvious you are busy and have to look at what you are doing.

No i do look at them, but i find it hard to just look at somebody for like 30 seconds straight in conversation, without looking elsewhere. No matter who they are.

and it's not like i look at peoples breasts instead of their eyes, just to clarify. When i look at somebody i look into their eyes.

Glad i'm not the only one.

It's just i also noticed, some people that i see who seem to walk by without really looking at you, or just looking at the floor seem to be quiet and shy people, so i guess i'm probably projecting that same image, i'm not shy at all though.

Reply 7

hermaphrodite

if i'm very angry or upset wih people - when i talk to them i have to look away and cant make eye contact with them.

yesterday i was very angry with someone - and when i was talkin with him i started crying cos that's how angry i was - but i wasnt looking at him when i was talking to him.

Reply 8

tigerladie

i used to not be able to maintain eye contact with people and tbh i didn't realise until my friend pointed it out a few years back. she said to me "why do you do that" i was quite embarrassed but it helped me a lot!!
Now i make a point to give eye contact and also when walking past someone look them in the eye not at the ground and smile and you'll come across much more friendly :smile:

Reply 9

hermaphrodite

also i dont make eye contact with my superiors at university - i.e lecturers - i did it last week to a lecturer - i'm sure he noticed

Reply 10

Dittoo

You cant have a conversation with someone looking them in the eyes for the whole time, it would be weird.

I dont look around, i just focus on other things while talking, not so much so that it looks like im not paying attention though.

Reply 11

campbell87

I do this aswell, I can only look someone in the eye for a few seconds at a time before having to look away a little, I don't want to come across as Im starng at them, even if they are staring right at me, I have to move my eyes at some point.
I havn't found it a problem meeting alot of people though.

Reply 12

Yellowmarshmellow

I find it quite hard to look someone in the eye for more than a few seconds when we're talking as it feels kind of awkward sometimes... :s-smilie:

Reply 13

Arteta

red.

You said that you're a confident person (which is fine) but I've seen that the unconfident people are the ones that don't make as much eye contact. Maybe you're confident to an extent, but are concious of your looks? If you are talking to someone and making eye contact, they will obviously be doing the same. If you're conscious of your looks, you won't want them looking at you?

Sometimes i am concious about my looks, but i really don't mind people looking at me. I just don't wanna look at people and give them the impression i'm checking them out, or that i'm staring like some sort of a pervert.

It's great to know some of you are the same as me, i'm gonna make an effort to look directly at people more, which i'm sure will lead to some fights down the line...as i'll get the whole "what the **** are you looking at?" thing. lol.

Reply 14

khil

Well, I actually enjoy opportunities to look someone in the eye and look at them when they're talking. I very much enjoy and am fascinated by the study of facial expressions, what someone looks like when they're speaking or feeling a certain emotion, how it changes - it's so interesting! Or other times just to study someone's features and trace the outlines of their face, what makes that face unique to them...

Sorry, I love to draw people :redface: