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    really need help with my speech. need something funny to say but not offensive. most sites are asking for x amount of pounds for it.


    any ideas?
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    What are you? Bride, groom, best man?
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    This is a good site (it’s also free). I looked at various ones on that site when I was helping a friend with a Best Man speech.
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    I see about 1-3 weddings a week. If you let me know your role I can help.
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    What is your relation to the bride and groom? (Friend, brother etc.)
    I'm assuming you're the best man here...

    Number one tip would be to do it after the meal, everyone will have had a few glasses of wine and champagne, and you will have had time to prepare for it. Don't have a drop of booze until you make the actual toast. Drunks aren't funny.

    Get someone to sit near the back of the room to make sure you can be heard.

    Here are a few lines/jokes I think are pretty funny. Some may be a bit risque, but it's more innuendo than material likely to cause offence.
    I spent many a sleepless afternoons in work worrying about this speech, so when I woke up this morning I decided to prepare a few lines, and after snorting them I feel a million times better.
    (groom) and myself have been through a lot over the years we've known each other, but luckily, I don't think any of them are here today
    As this is my first time as a best man I took advice from an expert on how long the speech should be. the advice he gave me was 'The same length as a young lady's skirt - long enough to cover the essentials, but after that - the shorter the better
    This is possibly the greatest joke I've ever heard in a BM speech (they were wed by a bishop, who also attended the reception - so it would only make sense in that context)
    Thanks to (Girlfirend) for the lift to the reception venue from the church. I don't know if anyone is aware but we had a little race bet on, and even though we were going quite slowly we still managed to beat the bishop.
    Then you could always finish off with something soppy to soften the girls up a bit
    the bride is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside
    I may be giving the speech, but (groom) will always be the best man
    ...so good luck to (groom), the greatest bloke in the world, and (bride) the one who made him that way.
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    First rule of speech making:

    If you don't strike oil in the first five minutes, stop boring
    I'm assuming you're the BM here. If you've known teh groom for several years (better still if u've known both the bride and groom) think back to some funny, SLIGHTLY embarassing but not too bad, stories about them. Otherwise ask people who have known them for longer.

    One wedding i went to the BM had a projector set up, and as part of his speech had lots of funny photos of the bride and groom.
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    (Original post by Dirtsurfer)

    Number one tip would be to do it after the meal, everyone will have had a few glasses of wine and champagne, and you will have had time to prepare for it.
    I disagree.

    Unless the OP is the bride or groom he won't really have the option. Speeches before the meal are very popular now as it allows people to relax, unwind and enjoy their meal once finished. Most people have also had a few to drink during the drinks reception before the wedding breakfast. Not much preparation is going to be done during a meal.
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    Sorry about not clarifying this but I am the brides brother. I have done the speech but I need something funny. but not offensive.

    The speech is before lunch.
 
 
 
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