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Relationship ended for being "too emotional"; is there a way back? Watch

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    After nearly 6 happy months in a relationship, my (ex)girlfriend has decided that she no longer wants to be with me for being "too emotional".

    I've been working abroad since just after we got together, with periods of time when I've been back in the UK or she has flown out to me. Everything between us was great; we were happy together, we never had an argument and everything was just great!

    The only problem was with me working abroad; I hate it over there to the extent that it was having a negative affect on my health. I would tell my girlfriend about being upset but she has always been "like a rock" when it comes to emotions so found it hard to relate to how I was feeling.

    Just before my girlfriend went abroad for a few weeks, we told each other that we loved each other and that is where we last saw each other.

    Upon her return, something wasn't right and it turns out she had been feeling confused about her feelings towards me since being away and has recently told me that her feelings towards me have disappeared, she no longer feels the same about me and it's all because we are too emotionally different, with me being too emotional! Because of this she has ended our relationship.

    I know for a fact that it is where I am that's making me be like this, and when I'm back home I am not overly emotional and can change how I interact with my girlfriend about how I'm feeling.

    Is there any way that things can be saved after a "cooling off" period? Or is this it? It just seems so sudden and strange how her feelings went from love and happiness to nothing over the space of a few weeks! I love her and I can't let this end for something that can be sorted if I just knew how she wanted me to interact with her.

    Cheers guys and gals.
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    I'm sorry to hear. It sounds like a really crappy situation.

    To be honest, and it's probably the answer that you don't want to hear, I think it's best to just move on rather than wonder about if you can get back together. It nearly always doesn't work imo, and that time could instead be spent helping yourself move on and eventually find someone else who you're more similar to. From what you have said, it seems like you're both quite different in your expectations towards each other.

    Break ups are often strange and confusing when you consider how quickly someone's feeling may change. I can tell this has hurt you a lot but it seems like you're a very caring guy - I'm sure you'll be able to move on from this.
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    usycool1, thanks for your reply.

    No it's not the answer I wanted to hear; I know that if this was happening for a differenet reason, like cheating or anything serious, then I would be trying to move on. But the reason for me being how I have been whilst abroad is just because of me hating it and it affecting me so negatively!

    I am due back in the UK permanently in the coming weeks and I know for certain, because I wasn't like it before I went away, that I won't be how I've been whilst away! So with me being so close to coming back, I just think that there must be something that can be done, as the reason why this has ended will also end soon; the causing factor will be removed from the situation! That's the most annoying and upsettint thing, that this has happened so close to me coming back where I can be normal again and we as a couple could be normal and not spending so much time apart.
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    Sorry to hear this, I know what it's like. In fact I think most guys have been through the 'I don't feel the same' dumping. Truly horrible when you're still in love.

    I do think it's unlikely she will change her mind. From what I seen with girls, confusing though it is, once they've gone cold there is no hope. They tend to move on pretty promptly too.

    Learning from my own mistakes I would say the only hope is to back off for a good while and see what happens. If you become questioning and needy it just reinforces her negative feelings. In the meanwhile it's very painful and the only help is friends, alcohol, music, time and new love.
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    (Original post by usycool1)
    I'm sorry to hear. It sounds like a really crappy situation.

    To be honest, and it's probably the answer that you don't want to hear, I think it's best to just move on rather than wonder about if you can get back together. It nearly always doesn't work imo, and that time could instead be spent helping yourself move on and eventually find someone else who you're more similar to. From what you have said, it seems like you're both quite different in your expectations towards each other.

    Break ups are often strange and confusing when you consider how quickly someone's feeling may change. I can tell this has hurt you a lot but it seems like you're a very caring guy - I'm sure you'll be able to move on from this.
    I have to agree with this.

    Best of luck OP. I know it's difficult.
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    she's unlikely to change her mind, this is a pretty significant part of your personality she doesn't like (and other things in the future will come up which knock you down) I would move on and find someone who is happy with who you are
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    Very confusing!! Its just the fact that everything was perfect before she left, but just because I became upset alot being in a place I hated, it's just a weird situation!

    She sounds very confused with everything and, in my opinion, I think she could be suffering from some stress or shock with coming back from having a great time with friends in America and then getting back to the normal day to day stuff, which I dont think is helping the situation.

    I think that it's a weird situation which might improve after she's had some time to calm down, get settled back into normal life and have time to reflect on what's happened, and then when she knows I'm back and feeling myself again, I hope that does something for the way she thinks! I know there's a chance she won't but the whole situation revolves around me being emotional for being abroad, and I'm coming back soon which would mean those times would be gone!

    It would be interesting to see what the girls think to this; why they think she could have had such a sudden change of heart after what we said before she left and with how great we were, and for a situation that would soon be resolved.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    she's unlikely to change her mind, this is a pretty significant part of your personality she doesn't like (and other things in the future will come up which knock you down) I would move on and find someone who is happy with who you are
    But it's only a part of my personailty that has been affected by being away, before that i was totally fine, never been this way before, and it's only because it's affecting my health and mood that I've been so upset! That will change when I'm back, she knows I'm fine when I've been back in the UK with her, just not when I've been away, she just needs to realise that I will be fine when I'm back and that I'm back soon! She just wont talk to me right now and I'm giving her space.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    she's unlikely to change her mind, this is a pretty significant part of your personality she doesn't like (and other things in the future will come up which knock you down) I would move on and find someone who is happy with who you are
    Forgot to say that I've had stressful and tough times in the past but never got like this, I'm just reslly not happy where I am for reasons I won't go into and talking to my girlfriend about how unhappy I am and talking about what's on my mind helps, but because she finds it hard to relate to other peoples probelms and issues, and deals with her own problems by not thinking about them and burying them, she thinks that I'm too emotional in that sense, compared to her! But if i knew beforehand she wasn't comfortable with me talking to her about them all, i would have confided in friends more, but because i thought she was OK with it, i carried on.

    So this is something can be easily resolved by 1) her talking to me more about what shes comfortabke and not comfortbske witj and 2) by me getting back to the uk, whicj is sopn!

    There are ways that this can improve, but from everyones replies, she probably won't change her mind, but she won't talk to me for me to tell her what the situation is with me moving back! I can't see her and she won't hear it when I've tried to talk about it on the phone before, but for now I'm giving her space to think and reflect on what's happened and for her to calm down so I'm able to talk to her properly.
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    Well what does she want? For you to be a psychopath?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Forgot to say that I've had stressful and tough times in the past but never got like this, I'm just reslly not happy where I am for reasons I won't go into and talking to my girlfriend about how unhappy I am and talking about what's on my mind helps, but because she finds it hard to relate to other peoples probelms and issues, and deals with her own problems by not thinking about them and burying them, she thinks that I'm too emotional in that sense, compared to her! But if i knew beforehand she wasn't comfortable with me talking to her about them all, i would have confided in friends more, but because i thought she was OK with it, i carried on.

    So this is something can be easily resolved by 1) her talking to me more about what shes comfortabke and not comfortbske witj and 2) by me getting back to the uk, whicj is sopn!

    There are ways that this can improve, but from everyones replies, she probably won't change her mind, but she won't talk to me for me to tell her what the situation is with me moving back! I can't see her and she won't hear it when I've tried to talk about it on the phone before, but for now I'm giving her space to think and reflect on what's happened and for her to calm down so I'm able to talk to her properly.
    I do get you but I think long term this is probably still a sign your emotional styles aren't compatible. She is really uncomfortable with emotions and talking about feelings whereas you like to talk about your feelings. I am sure that generally you manage fine but it does sound like overall you cope differently and that will likely throw up more problems in the future. You might be happy talking to your friends now, if you're 5 years down the line and looking at marriage would you still be happy with that?


    This sucks but at least you don't have to see it as having done something wrong, it's just a compatibility thing.
 
 
 
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