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    I enjoy being independent but I've got to that stage now where I just want what everyone else has.
    I've never had a boyfriend and I'm 27, I have no friends and I find it hard to make a connection with people.
    I've never really minded but it's bothering me now. More that I am not like everyone else and I'm really boring and can't come across normal or relaxed. I am incredibly lonely and I try but just never make that connection with anyone. I'm not desperate, I just know that it's really unhealthy. I feel that it's is heavily impacting on me now. I pride myself on being independent and very happy with my own company. But enough is enough and I feel that being so independent is part of the problem.
    I'd appreciate any advice on how to fix this? People in similar situations?
    I join clubs and get no where. I'm clearly just boring/unappealing and don't know how to resolve it all since I'm trying.


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    (Original post by EverybodyLies04)
    I enjoy being independent but I've got to that stage now where I just want what everyone else has.
    I've never had a boyfriend and I'm 27, I have no friends and I find it hard to make a connection with people.
    I've never really minded but it's bothering me now. More that I am not like everyone else and I'm really boring and can't come across normal or relaxed. I am incredibly lonely and I try but just never make that connection with anyone. I'm not desperate, I just know that it's really unhealthy. I feel that it's is heavily impacting on me now. I pride myself on being independent and very happy with my own company. But enough is enough and I feel that being so independent is part of the problem.
    I'd appreciate any advice on how to fix this? People in similar situations?
    I join clubs and get no where. I'm clearly just boring/unappealing and don't know how to resolve it all since I'm trying.


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    A lot of the time, other people appeal to us and make us want to befriend them or get into a relationship with them because of one thing: CONFIDENCE. Literally fake it until you make it. When you join clubs and hobbies, they don't have to know that you haven't ever had a boyfriend or that you have no friends! Just join in conversations, if you feel uncomfortable talking about yourself, ask the other person questions about their life.
    Where do you work? Is there a chance that you can get to know your work mates better and meet new people through them?
    Are you in touch with your family? If not maybe now is the time to reconnect with them and that might also give back some of the confidence you need.
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    I get where you're coming from because what you wrote is kind of like me. I love being independent and having some time alone sometimes, but it gets to the point where i realise theres a distinction between loneliness and being alone. I would definitely make a start by being with my family more to make me a bit more sane, they're always there to talk with unless you have no real bond with them. Then there's people at work. or you can volunteer and start making a difference to some people's life. any kind of interaction is good, it doesn't have to be a forced one on one conversation.
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    (Original post by Pinkberry_y)
    A lot of the time, other people appeal to us and make us want to befriend them or get into a relationship with them because of one thing: CONFIDENCE. Literally fake it until you make it. When you join clubs and hobbies, they don't have to know that you haven't ever had a boyfriend or that you have no friends! Just join in conversations, if you feel uncomfortable talking about yourself, ask the other person questions about their life.
    Where do you work? Is there a chance that you can get to know your work mates better and meet new people through them?
    Are you in touch with your family? If not maybe now is the time to reconnect with them and that might also give back some of the confidence you need.
    I have tried to have more confidence for years and it just doesn't happen and then rejection, unable to make friends or talk to people properly ends up making me feel awful. I keep trying though.
    I started a new job 2 months ago. I speak to them and they are nice to me and know that I'm a decent person so I'm thankful for that. But they're all so outgoing and have known each other for years so it's a chat to me but they all have a laugh together etc which reinforces that I'm boring. It's still early days but I just can't connect and find it difficult. I've noticed that people think I'm a lot younger than I am. Both my looks but also just how I come across.


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    (Original post by Lighfy)
    From the way you have described yourself, you sound exactly like me. I too find it hard to make connections with people. However, do not assume that this makes you boring/unappealing. There is nobody else in the world like you. From experience, you just have to try and find the right people; those who are like-minded. You mentioned that you joined clubs...keep persisting with it. I'm at Uni and I made a really good friendship through going to the gym with one of my flatmates. It really did help break the ice. (I'm not a party-goer like my other flatmates were). Often I'm a quiet person, but once I get comfortable around someone and get to know them, it helps me come out of my shell. I can understand how annoying it can be when all of your friends are in relationships, I sometimes sulk about it from time to time, but the most important thing to do is not let your life revolve around 'finding the one'. You said that you also find it hard to come across as 'normal/relaxed'. Do you experience any form of social anxiety? (If you don't mind me asking). If you're conscious that you may appear nervous to others, perhaps you could go to a doctor and they could prescribe a beta-blocker. I'm considering this because like I said before, I'm a quiet person and get nervous about pretty much anything.
    Everything I have joined just makes me feel worse in that I try and get nowhere. Everyone is all in their little cliques or have known each other for years and they have a quick chat with me then it's completely different with their mates.
    I think I do. But I can't go to the Doctors and risk that being on my medical records unfortunately.
    I just wish I could be comfortable in general, have some friends, a laugh and potential relationship opportunities.
    I feel I am a really kind, loyal person at heart but that isn't good enough for anything nowadays. I feel at my age especially that you just can't be shy or anything anymore. I feel stupid.


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    It's hardly unhealthy, a relationship is always hard for someone who is too independent. That was always my problem too, loved my independence and wanted a boyfriend too but didn't want too always spend too much time with him haha don't get me wrong even when I was besotted I was happy to be around him but still needed a LOT of me time and sometimes found it a little suffocating if he always wanted to be with me. Sounds weird right. Guess that's why I've had trouble committing. Always dated, just never settled with anyone because I don't know if I can
 
 
 
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