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    Ok so. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a bit years. At the beginning it was great, we were great. Sometimes we would argue, but I would always apologise...that's where the problems began. Further into the relationship, he began to get more possessive. He didn't like anyone I liked, he didn't approve of me drinking with friends or family, even going out with friends. He'd put them down, as if they weren't worthy of his acceptance. He'd put me down, as if because I was civil with people he didn't like I had defied him. In times I have gone out, he's been constantly putting me down about who I am with and what I'm drinking. Anything I achieved wasn't outstanding or particularly important in his eyes. If I was out, he'd send a picture a friend put up of me on Facebook/Instagram/snapchat as if to say he knows where I am and he's watching. He doesn't like me talking to anyone he disapproves of and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. He's branded me a liar, needy, but yet at other times he's the perfect boyfriend and can be ever so lovely. I know this is abuse. Everything I do is wrong or my fault if we have an argument. I'm an easy going person and would NEVER intentionally hurt anyone. He taunts me and doesn't like spending time with my family, and, at the moment I have a low sex drive due to an issue I'm struggling to come to terms with in my family which is causing my stress but this aggravates him. He does apologise sometimes which then makes me believe everything is okay again, and says how much he loves me and stuff.
    I tried to end it but he was so apologetic and we were really good for a while. I feel like I'm trapped and I don't know how to cut it off. I'm 19 and after this gap year am going to university in Scotland - I live in Norfolk where he is staying to work at a solicitors. I know he won't like me making new friends and going out partying. But I still feel trapped and that I cannot finish because it'll all turn nasty. I've thought about ending it at uni so I'm far away and I can maybe turn my phone off/block his number and remove myself from social media for a while. Please be kind in what you say, I'm a nice person I promise I genuinely am an abused person asking for help, I feel like this is affecting me mentally
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok so. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a bit years. At the beginning it was great, we were great. Sometimes we would argue, but I would always apologise...that's where the problems began. Further into the relationship, he began to get more possessive. He didn't like anyone I liked, he didn't approve of me drinking with friends or family, even going out with friends. He'd put them down, as if they weren't worthy of his acceptance. He'd put me down, as if because I was civil with people he didn't like I had defied him. In times I have gone out, he's been constantly putting me down about who I am with and what I'm drinking. Anything I achieved wasn't outstanding or particularly important in his eyes. If I was out, he'd send a picture a friend put up of me on Facebook/Instagram/snapchat as if to say he knows where I am and he's watching. He doesn't like me talking to anyone he disapproves of and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. He's branded me a liar, needy, but yet at other times he's the perfect boyfriend and can be ever so lovely. I know this is abuse. Everything I do is wrong or my fault if we have an argument. I'm an easy going person and would NEVER intentionally hurt anyone. He taunts me and doesn't like spending time with my family, and, at the moment I have a low sex drive due to an issue I'm struggling to come to terms with in my family which is causing my stress but this aggravates him. He does apologise sometimes which then makes me believe everything is okay again, and says how much he loves me and stuff.
    I tried to end it but he was so apologetic and we were really good for a while. I feel like I'm trapped and I don't know how to cut it off. I'm 19 and after this gap year am going to university in Scotland - I live in Norfolk where he is staying to work at a solicitors. I know he won't like me making new friends and going out partying. But I still feel trapped and that I cannot finish because it'll all turn nasty. I've thought about ending it at uni so I'm far away and I can maybe turn my phone off/block his number and remove myself from social media for a while. Please be kind in what you say, I'm a nice person I promise I genuinely am an abused person asking for help, I feel like this is affecting me mentally
    Be less nice and break it off. In worst case there is the police. You are indulging in feeling trapped and helpless right now but you are not.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok so. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a bit years. At the beginning it was great, we were great. Sometimes we would argue, but I would always apologise...that's where the problems began. Further into the relationship, he began to get more possessive. He didn't like anyone I liked, he didn't approve of me drinking with friends or family, even going out with friends. He'd put them down, as if they weren't worthy of his acceptance. He'd put me down, as if because I was civil with people he didn't like I had defied him. In times I have gone out, he's been constantly putting me down about who I am with and what I'm drinking. Anything I achieved wasn't outstanding or particularly important in his eyes. If I was out, he'd send a picture a friend put up of me on Facebook/Instagram/snapchat as if to say he knows where I am and he's watching. He doesn't like me talking to anyone he disapproves of and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. He's branded me a liar, needy, but yet at other times he's the perfect boyfriend and can be ever so lovely. I know this is abuse. Everything I do is wrong or my fault if we have an argument. I'm an easy going person and would NEVER intentionally hurt anyone. He taunts me and doesn't like spending time with my family, and, at the moment I have a low sex drive due to an issue I'm struggling to come to terms with in my family which is causing my stress but this aggravates him. He does apologise sometimes which then makes me believe everything is okay again, and says how much he loves me and stuff.
    I tried to end it but he was so apologetic and we were really good for a while. I feel like I'm trapped and I don't know how to cut it off. I'm 19 and after this gap year am going to university in Scotland - I live in Norfolk where he is staying to work at a solicitors. I know he won't like me making new friends and going out partying. But I still feel trapped and that I cannot finish because it'll all turn nasty. I've thought about ending it at uni so I'm far away and I can maybe turn my phone off/block his number and remove myself from social media for a while. Please be kind in what you say, I'm a nice person I promise I genuinely am an abused person asking for help, I feel like this is affecting me mentally
    End things with him. He'll apologise, he'll say he'll change, things will be good for a while, it's classical signs of an abusive relationship. Get out while you can, you're young, you have your whole life ahead of you and you're about to start a significant new chapter of your life. Don't let him drag you down and rule over your life. Believe me once you meet another guy, you'll realise what a real healthy relationship feels like and will be so glad you left him.
    Read back through your paragraph and think to yourself what would you advise your friend or a sister if this was happening to them.
    This is how you can break up with him if you're finding it difficult:
    Meet up with him in a public place- he'll have less opportunity to be emotionally abusive to you there. Say very clearly and firmly something along the lines of: this is not working out, I've been thinking about our relationship, I feel trapped, tell him the things you've written in this paragraph about him calling you names, issues with your friends etc. Tell him this is it, it's final. It will be best for both of you, he can move on with his new job and you with university. You've made your mind up and this is it. Let us know how it goes/ if you need any more advice! just please realise you are worth so much more than this and deserve someone who will treat you better than this
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    hey - first of all, well done for recognising that this kind of behaviour is not on and you absolutely do need to cut this off because overcoming that hurdle is the first step but often one of the most difficult. I live in Norfolk as well btw and I understand that bc it's so far off from everything and feels like a bit of a bubble it can feel easier to cut this off once you move away, but I really don't think there is any need to prolong this relationship as it clearly is not good for you or your mental health.

    Please do not pay attention to apologies as actions speak louder than words in this kind of scenario and you've already established that he treats you badly. It turning nasty is something you may have to risk because by the sounds of it, you shouldn't be remaining in contact after this so there is no need to maintain good terms, and seeing as he is so critical of your friends, you won't have the problem of mutual friendships being put under strain.

    You can absolutely block his number and social media + private your accounts for a bit, then go to uni with a fresh slate already established, rather than going with plans to end a relationship and that prospect hanging over you still when you should be already entering a new chapter of your life.

    A friend of mine was in a relationship with someone like this. I am honestly so glad that she got out of that relationship because the effects on her really did become awful. You're well rid.


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    Oh my God ,how awful for you. This is indeed ,emotional abuse. But you are lucky in that you recognize it for what it is. You cannot continue to be in a relationship with this man. He will sap every ounce of self worth and self confidence out of you. And then say it is your fault. I suspect you know this already. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he tries to find some way to try and stop you going to uni. Internally ,he must be panicking like hell he is going to lose his grip on you. Be very,very careful when the time gets nearer to going . Please protect yourself .Also, I would strongly advise you tell people about him. Family and friends. Tell them all. Then if God forbid, he turned really nasty and physical you have evidence that you have already previously told people of the type of person he is. Run for the hills. Don't allow him to talk you round, and don't take any of that "We can still be friends" nonsense. You cannot allow yourself to even be just a friend with someone like that. Good luck to you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok so. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a bit years. At the beginning it was great, we were great. Sometimes we would argue, but I would always apologise...that's where the problems began. Further into the relationship, he began to get more possessive. He didn't like anyone I liked, he didn't approve of me drinking with friends or family, even going out with friends. He'd put them down, as if they weren't worthy of his acceptance. He'd put me down, as if because I was civil with people he didn't like I had defied him. In times I have gone out, he's been constantly putting me down about who I am with and what I'm drinking. Anything I achieved wasn't outstanding or particularly important in his eyes. If I was out, he'd send a picture a friend put up of me on Facebook/Instagram/snapchat as if to say he knows where I am and he's watching. He doesn't like me talking to anyone he disapproves of and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. He's branded me a liar, needy, but yet at other times he's the perfect boyfriend and can be ever so lovely. I know this is abuse. Everything I do is wrong or my fault if we have an argument. I'm an easy going person and would NEVER intentionally hurt anyone. He taunts me and doesn't like spending time with my family, and, at the moment I have a low sex drive due to an issue I'm struggling to come to terms with in my family which is causing my stress but this aggravates him. He does apologise sometimes which then makes me believe everything is okay again, and says how much he loves me and stuff.
    I tried to end it but he was so apologetic and we were really good for a while. I feel like I'm trapped and I don't know how to cut it off. I'm 19 and after this gap year am going to university in Scotland - I live in Norfolk where he is staying to work at a solicitors. I know he won't like me making new friends and going out partying. But I still feel trapped and that I cannot finish because it'll all turn nasty. I've thought about ending it at uni so I'm far away and I can maybe turn my phone off/block his number and remove myself from social media for a while. Please be kind in what you say, I'm a nice person I promise I genuinely am an abused person asking for help, I feel like this is affecting me mentally

    You are only 19, so you cant expect to know how to deal with this situation.

    Have you told your parents?

    End it and on no acconts get back with him.

    You could take what you have written hear and contact the police telling them you are afraid of what he might do. That means you will have a point of contacf.

    Break it off or get someone to tell htis person you no longer wish to have anything to do with them. Get the support of your friends, so you dont have to do it alone.

    After you tell him, the bbe sure he knows you want no contact with him by phone or social media or any other means. It must be absolutely clear. If he starts harassing you then report him to the police.

    You cna talk it over with

    https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

    Just to add his behaviour is abusive, abornmal and theres no reason you should put up with it. telling others prevents him from islating and bullying you.
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    You're 19 years old. Get out of this "relationship" and find happiness elsewhere.




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    Oh sweetie, you don't have to defend yourself to us by telling us you are a nice person. That doesn't matter, what matters is that you are in an abusive relationship.

    It's so hard for those of us who haven't been in an abusive relationship to understand the struggle to leave. It seems so obvious to us that the right thing is to leave him and never look back, to not think twice.
    But when you find yourself in that situation, I know the perspective is completely different. I strongly advise you to read others experiences of emotional abuse online, perhaps seeing others go through remarkably similar things, and then turn their lives around will encourage you to do the same.

    Of course, I will say you should leave. When you go to uni, you'll be in another country and you will start a brand new life for yourself. You can be yourself, uninhibited and you'll make good friends and will gain many new experiences. Trust me, it will be a brand new start for you, you do not need him, he will only hold you back. These are meant to be the most carefree years of your life, don't waste them on people like him. Enjoy them, you deserve to.
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    Thank you all so much for your kind messages. I've read every single one numerous times and it's made my confidence grow a littleI have told my parents. There have been times where my Dad especially, has almost had words and had to stop himself from going ballistic. I just don't know how to break it off to his face, because I struggle to be horrible to anyone, and have anxiety issues as well as confidence issues anyway, more so in this relationship. I know it sounds stupid but I guess I'm waiting for him to kick off about me meeting new people and going out once I get to uni, so I have, in my abused mind, a justifiable excuse to just go "you know what, it's over" and then my phone off. I know I'm a coward but I feel like part of me has been ripped away and I can't function properly as a person because I'm constantly told I'm wrong. Even when I tried to end it before, he's said I don't really mean it, I question my own thoughts...
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    When you break it off, do so when someone else is nearby in case things get nasty.

    I'm sorry you are in this situation. It must be horrible for you. Please get out of this "relationship" and live a much happier life.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you all so much for your kind messages. I've read every single one numerous times and it's made my confidence grow a littleI have told my parents. There have been times where my Dad especially, has almost had words and had to stop himself from going ballistic. I just don't know how to break it off to his face, because I struggle to be horrible to anyone, and have anxiety issues as well as confidence issues anyway, more so in this relationship. I know it sounds stupid but I guess I'm waiting for him to kick off about me meeting new people and going out once I get to uni, so I have, in my abused mind, a justifiable excuse to just go "you know what, it's over" and then my phone off. I know I'm a coward but I feel like part of me has been ripped away and I can't function properly as a person because I'm constantly told I'm wrong. Even when I tried to end it before, he's said I don't really mean it, I question my own thoughts...
    You are being reactive. take copntrol of the situation. If you cannot do it yourself, then write a short letter and send it recorded delivery so he has to sign for it.
    Send a copy to the domestic abuse unit at the police at the same time.

    This is proof that you 100% wnat to finish and wnat no contact. its importnat you enver have anything to do with him again and that means NEVER. He is capable of manipulating you, so stay away.

    If he breaks it, then go to the police and get an injunction.

    You cna also warn him you will contact his employers. If he has any legal aspirations he will be very wary of this.

    Talk to the abuse lune i gave you the contact details for.
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    Break it off or put shards of glass in his food.

    A friend of mine did that to her BF it took him 3years to work out it was her by the his intestines were shredded. All he did was say no to a puppy.

    In all seriousness break it off if you feel better doing it at uni do it there. Remember your are the victim here
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    Yeah breaking up when you're at uni sounds like a great idea. If possible, avoid letting him find out where you will be living during uni, because the possessiveness he seems to have could get quite ugly pretty quick, if you catch my drift. I'd say SpiritSharD has it totally right about having someone else nearby, perhaps a couple tables over at a coffee shop or something, when you break up with him. Or (and I'd not advise this practice under normal circumstances but this guy does not seem deserving of courtesy) if you feel too afraid/nervous to be physically present when breaking up with him, I'd say given how afraid you are of him snapping, you might prefer breaking up over the phone when you're at uni. Again, not a good way to treat someone, but I think you have cause to do so on this one. And like others have said, the sooner you get out of this toxic relationship, the sooner you can more on to better things (and people!!)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you all so much for your kind messages. I've read every single one numerous times and it's made my confidence grow a littleI have told my parents. There have been times where my Dad especially, has almost had words and had to stop himself from going ballistic. I just don't know how to break it off to his face, because I struggle to be horrible to anyone, and have anxiety issues as well as confidence issues anyway, more so in this relationship. I know it sounds stupid but I guess I'm waiting for him to kick off about me meeting new people and going out once I get to uni, so I have, in my abused mind, a justifiable excuse to just go "you know what, it's over" and then my phone off. I know I'm a coward but I feel like part of me has been ripped away and I can't function properly as a person because I'm constantly told I'm wrong. Even when I tried to end it before, he's said I don't really mean it, I question my own thoughts...
    You do mean it, when he tries to play that game with you, keep repeating to yourself all the reasons why you want to end the relationship and how cruel and controlling he can be towards you. Think to yourself is this the life I want for myself? If you can't go through breaking up with him, you could always take your dad with you and have him wait outside or be with you whilst you do it. It won't make you seem like a coward, hopefully it will enable him to get the message and your dad can intervene he reacts badly
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    . I know I'm a coward but I feel like part of me has been ripped away and I can't function properly as a person
    I've dealt with something similar before, in feeling unable to break off a long-standing friendship that turned very sour, one thing that helped me the most was reminding myself over and over just before I did it that, these few moments of bravery are all it will take for foreseeable years of my life to be better and happier ones. Which is a small trade off when you think of the scale, a few *****y moments for years of good ones in the lack of their influence
 
 
 
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