The Student Room Group

19/never had a boyfriend

I know this post is going to sound pretty pathetic and they are loads of posts like this on TSR but I wanted to get this out of my system.

Ok so basically I'm 19, female, just finished first year at uni and I've never had a boyfriend. Ever. Not one. Not even been on a date. I get on with blokes fine, one of my best friends is a guy but no one ever seems to fancy me. If they do then I have the people-reading skills of a gnat. I'm not a weirdo, I'm not ugly as hell, I'm a bit overweight but other than that I think I'm a nice, normal, down-to-earth person with a bubbly personality who's just looking for that special someone. So why can't I find them? I've snogged blokes before drunkenly, and had a sort of one-night-stand type thing in the first week of uni but we didnt go all the way. I don't act desperate, even though I am. I'm not bothered about being a virgin because i know loads of people my age are virgins, and im not looking for someone so I can lose my virginity. The thing is, lots of people my age are virgins out of choice - they have had boyfriends/girlfriends but didnt feel ready to have sex. I've never even been given the chance! As result of this, I look at every guy i meet as a potential boyfriend and I know i really shouldn't be doing this because it makes me act differently around them which I know won't get me anywhere.

My friends at uni have had or are in long term relationships so when they talk about their other halves i feel left out and can never join in the conversation because I have never had that experience.

It's really getting me down and i know eventually I will find someone but I can't help thinking that I'm going to wind up a lonely old spinster with 17 cats. I don't even like cats.

Scroll to see replies

Try not to look so hard, maybe that's what is putting boys off you.
Reply 2
Good afternoon, I am almost exactly the same, it was a little strange to read that and think the same. Except that I'm a man and haven't had a real girlfriend :p:
Reply 3
20 and never had a girlfriend so I wouldn't worry.
Reply 4
I do the same thing - look at every girl like a potential girlfriend.

I wouldn't consider myself an uggo or anything like that either and I have been asked a couple of times by girls.

Maybe my standards are too high, or maybe it's the fact that I still look about 16 instead of 20. :biggrin:
Don't worry yourself about it, it's better to wait a little longer and come out with a really nice/caring bf, than just picking any bloke up.
There is someone for everyone its just finding them, which I'm sure you will soon enough, good things come to those who wait. :wink:
ADM86 you sound just like me. Op, relax a bit. take care of your self, eg get fit and eat well. Stop looking and worrying about not having a bf, it will happen when the time is right.
Reply 7
Also Bubbly personality's are a ++
Also remember this for every Man on this earth there is a women for every women there is a man.

Dont let it bother you if your male or female, If your a guy and getting frustrated and want a Girl best place is your nearest gay/lesbian bar check when there's a hen night on (there is alot of them) and just go for fun.

I became a regular at my nearest bar (free pool) I go touched up afew time's but before long I knew all of them and they knew I was straight.

There are the guy's that are really femanine and they throw themselve's over you once I got to know them there a great laught and ideal for tip's on female mind, Dont try to understand the female mind because it's somthing so dark man just isnt designed to comprehend it we are the bringer of money jewelry houses and cars shoe's clothes hat's kinda make's you think whose go the better deal the male spider who get's his head bitten off in order for conception or the one who work's his whole life in order to get to be allowed to concieve.

My point is anyway just take pointer's dont try to find out how they tick :frown:
Reply 8
I had one when I was 16 but I broke up with him due to parental pressure after 2 weeks. That's all I've had and I'm 20 in September so, you're not alone. I know how you feel though, it feels like I'll never get one sometimes :frown: But I guess these things often happen when you're least expecting them so just have fun and who knows what's around the corner. My parents are very strict and wouldn't let me have one 'til I was out of school but even now, I've got so used to boys being 'forbidden' that I can't let go and just flirt, I feel too naughty. Has anything like that happened in your past? You need to try and move on if it has.
Reply 9
HAHAHAHAHA this is exactly like a thread I started a few days back http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=423316 and I still havent had any luck but I can say that im getting closer, yesterday a girl invited me to stay round her house but I didnt go because I was too nervous. Im getting there. And oh yeah adding to edit: She was HOT!!
Reply 10
If its any consolation, i'm 19 and have never had a boyfriend either.
Maybe guys don't realise you're single (and looking)? It might be good to take you're mind off 'not having a bf' and focus on other things in you're life such as friends, family, work etc. That way you won't be getting yourself down and may even lead to more oppertunities with men.

Anonymous
It's really getting me down and i know eventually I will find someone but I can't help thinking that I'm going to wind up a lonely old spinster with 17 cats. I don't even like cats.


Hehe I'd rep you for that.
Yup I am in the same boat but a year younger, still a virgin which pisses me off as I had loads of oppurtunities when I was 15/16 to go out with people but was nervous at the time, now the oppurtunities have dried up tis saddening. Dunno what it is, for me its the fact I lack confidence and am not the type to go up to girls and just start chatting to them... whereas when im out with mates they are and pull all the time really annoys me! But I have other firends just like me single and still virgins, I mean there is one I know a couple of girls after him atm and he doesnt act on it... there is always an excuse! As I know exactly the problem but dont do anything about it. Like others I am not ugly, its the just I dont act on anything due to lack of confidence, thats all it is... with me anyway but I would assume it is in 99% of cases.
Several people have mentioned they were too "nervous" to go on dates.

There's nothing bad about not being confident, but sometimes you just have to shake yourself and say "i'm going to do this" and then just do it. It's always worth it. Some people are born with confidence and some people need to build it up slowly. But once you've gained a little there's so much you can do! And it's sexy. An average-looking girl who strides into a bar with her head high will probably get more attention than a beautiful girl with her eyes on the ground and her shoulders slumped, trying to make herself disappear into the wallpaper.
Reply 14
I felt exactly like that before i met my ex but i had done nothing with a guy (i was 18 then). I don't know how to put it but you just have to offer something to guys that they will like (god knows what that is) i think its all about confidence and being approachable. Is there a guy u particulary like? Maybe you are trying too hard, you just got to let it happen (sounds stupid i know but its the truth).
There are so many of us just like this... why are there so many people who aren't happy. I think we should all be happy together. Okay, now I sound like a complete psycho! Don't worry, I'm not... well, i am a bit weird, but not in that kind of way... And I practically have nightmares about being alone for the rest of my life...
Anyways, it's all about finding the person you "click" with. For some people that search takes longer than others. I've only really clicked with one guy in my whole life.
I know it's all been said, but maybe you're somewhat unaproachable for some reason. A friend of mine (female) had real trouble finding someone, and it wasn't because no one wanted to be with her, but guys thought she was out of their league. Kinda a hard one to get around TBH, but maybe try sitting alone sometimes? People aren't going to try and give you company if you look like you don't need it.
I'm in the exact position as you. Just finished my first year @ uni, am quite a bubbly personality, slightly overweight ('chubby' rather than 'fat', i'm told) and have never had a boyfriend although I've had a couple of experiences with guys short of full sex and have been asked out, but didn't like the guys enough to go out with them. What i found was that it was the lack of approcahability taht put people off: I would suggest you do is try to be not constantly around people: spend a bit more time by yourself or one on one with a few people, and most of all stop looking for something. I personally don't want a relationship since I am quite happy being single and there isn't anybody i really want to be with (and i'm not going to just go out with someone for the sake of it)....why don't you ask yourself that question, because why go out with someone if you don't like them for themselves, rather than just as a boy to go out with? Things happen when you least expect them to anyway: my friend went on an internship this summer, for example, met an old friend, and now they're going out..so...yeah
I didn't have a BF until I was around 20/21 - chill out, don't worry about it.