I worry about catching things off my boyfriend, just wanted advice. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
My boyfriend is quite a lot older than me, has had many short term partners (28 he says) and I'm worried about catching sti's. It's not the major sti's (hiv etc) I'm worried about as I will always insist on using a consoms. It is things they don't test for like hpv and herpes I'm worried about as you can catch these with just skin contact.

I know that most people get hpv but I'm thinking he will be a lot more likely than most people to have the high risk strains. He also gets cold sores on his mouth and I've had to tell him not to do oral sex when he had one , he seemed to take the huff and told me that cold sores cannot be spread that way. I know they can but arguing with him annoys him so I didn't argue back. He says he needs oral to get turned on though but when he tries it all I'm thinking is 'get them lips the **** away from me' and I'm secretly The thought of him even kissing me on the lips secretly annoys me a lot, I don't enjoy it at all, however hugging I really like. I just think why should I risk catching something when I've not slept around and have never had cold sores. I noticed that he also has 2 warts on his fingers which he keeps picking, I worry about catching these to lol as I know disturbing them increases the risk of transmission even more.

The thing is I don't want to be an hyperchondriac but I have always had this trait in me. I often avoid catching colds like the plague. When he had flu he wanted me to go round to keep him company and it annoyed me I thought it doesn't make sense me catching it too. He wasn't that ill so I posted some stuff for him through his letterbox instead.

I want to know how can I balance my strong desire to not catch things with having a normal relationship? I had a boyfriend years ago whom I didn't have sex with but we drifted apart because he had athletes foot and I didn't want to get in bed with him to avoid catching it. I read up about illnesses and then in my mind do everything I can to avoid catching, but it means I am not living normally. Im not selfish in other areas of the relationship is he doesn't drive and I'm always giving him lifts and giving him stuff as I earn more than him so love helping him out in these ways. But when it comes to my health I've always had a lot of self preservation lol, like there's this incentive inside me that aims to stay as disease free as possible it's been there since I was a young kid.

I don't go as far as washing my hands all the time but if someone in my family has a cold or something I will, to me it just makes sense, why be ill if you can avoid it? Funnily enough I work in hospitals on wards (got into it due to my interest in health lol) and I guess all I hear and read about is how harmful diseases are, risk factors, precautions to avoid catching etc and it only increases my concerns. I go on mandatory training days that tell us about all these diseases, long term complications and the importance of hand washing and I'm sat there thinking I don't need to know all this, I'm already cautious enough and it's feeding into my worrying.

Just wanted advice. What is the best way to strike a balance between staying infection free and living normally lol ?
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chelseadagg3r
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#2
Report 2 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend is quite a lot older than me, has had many short term partners (28 he says) and I'm worried about catching sti's. It's not the major sti's (hiv etc) I'm worried about as I will always insist on using a consoms. It is things they don't test for like hpv and herpes I'm worried about as you can catch these with just skin contact.

I know that most people get hpv but I'm thinking he will be a lot more likely than most people to have the high risk strains. He also gets cold sores on his mouth and I've had to tell him not to do oral sex when he had one , he seemed to take the huff and told me that cold sores cannot be spread that way. I know they can but arguing with him annoys him so I didn't argue back. He says he needs oral to get turned on though but when he tries it all I'm thinking is 'get them lips the **** away from me' and I'm secretly The thought of him even kissing me on the lips secretly annoys me a lot, I don't enjoy it at all, however hugging I really like. I just think why should I risk catching something when I've not slept around and have never had cold sores. I noticed that he also has 2 warts on his fingers which he keeps picking, I worry about catching these to lol as I know disturbing them increases the risk of transmission even more.

The thing is I don't want to be an hyperchondriac but I have always had this trait in me. I often avoid catching colds like the plague. When he had flu he wanted me to go round to keep him company and it annoyed me I thought it doesn't make sense me catching it too. He wasn't that ill so I posted some stuff for him through his letterbox instead.

I want to know how can I balance my strong desire to not catch things with having a normal relationship? I had a boyfriend years ago whom I didn't have sex with but we drifted apart because he had athletes foot and I didn't want to get in bed with him to avoid catching it. I read up about illnesses and then in my mind do everything I can to avoid catching, but it means I am not living normally. Im not selfish in other areas of the relationship is he doesn't drive and I'm always giving him lifts and giving him stuff as I earn more than him so love helping him out in these ways. But when it comes to my health I've always had a lot of self preservation lol, like there's this incentive inside me that aims to stay as disease free as possible it's been there since I was a young kid.

I don't go as far as washing my hands all the time but if someone in my family has a cold or something I will, to me it just makes sense, why be ill if you can avoid it? Funnily enough I work in hospitals on wards (got into it due to my interest in health lol) and I guess all I hear and read about is how harmful diseases are, risk factors, precautions to avoid catching etc and it only increases my concerns. I go on mandatory training days that tell us about all these diseases, long term complications and the importance of hand washing and I'm sat there thinking I don't need to know all this, I'm already cautious enough and it's feeding into my worrying.

Just wanted advice. What is the best way to strike a balance between staying infection free and living normally lol ?
I can see why you have these concerns. Have you both been tested recently? It might be a good idea. Considering his history, he should've been tested a number of times before. If not, he needs to be more responsible. For HPV, you should be able to get the jab to immunise against it if you haven't already. As for things like herpes, you just have to trust him. If he shows any signs, tell him no. That's perfectly reasonable. I wouldn't want someone with coldsores going down on me either. He should respect that. If you're worried, get tested regularly. There's no shame in it at all. If someone I shared a bed with had athlete's foot, I'd be asking them to wear socks. I think that's a fair compromise. As for the other worries, all I can suggest is to try and learn that being ill isn't the end of the world. I'm very anxious about getting ill, but I always remember that if I catch something then at least I'll have the antibodies. Don't be reading up about illnesses where you can avoid it. I know because of your job this is more difficult, but don't worry yourself about nothing. Getting sick is a completely normal part of life and no one can avoid it all of the time. If it's affecting your day to day life, see a doctor about it for sure. You may be able to find help from someone about it, and help you learn ways of dealing with your worries and concerns in a different way. Just take the normal recommended precautions for things. Stay as healthy as you can, wash your hands, etc. I wish you all the best!
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Anonymous #2
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Report 2 years ago
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Go get tested together. This will relieve any anxieties you have about his sexual health, as long as he is not cheating
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LavenderBlueSky88
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Hmm unless you've never had unprotected sex you've probably got HPV. It's symptomless - it means nothing.*

As for oral herpes. If he has it you probably have that too. You can spread the mouth type to your gentials occasionally but it's not as easily spread as the genial type if that makes sense. *There isn't much you can do about this one. Just try not to receive oral when he has a cold sore. If he has had lots of unprotected sex he probably has HSV1 too, you may or may not have it... You don't necessarily have symptoms with either strain.*
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