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    I've got a bit of a thing going with this guy I know, I fancy him so much and he fancies me loads too. The big snag is, he has a girlfriend so our relationship is very casual and really there doesn't look like there's a chance of it developing into anything deeper than a physical relationship. I thought I was ok with this but lately, I'm not sure why, but I find myself wishing that he was my boyfriend. He's really funny and cool and I like him so much. I feel quite sad about this whole situation, I mean obviously it's really mean to fool around with someone else's boyfriend but I'm so strongly attracted to him. At first, I had no idea that he had a girlfriend, he got friendly with me and I started to really like him and it was after that I found out the truth but I was already in too deep to give him up completely. I still wanted to see him so I told myself that I was fine with knowing that he only wanted a physical relationship but I'm really not. What can I do? I feel confused, I know that this whole thing is wrong but I don't know how I could ever wean myself off him, it's a major crush.
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    Are you actually saying you are having fun with this guy knowing he already has another girlfriend. If so stop seeing him, by the sounds of it he only wants his cake to eat it. Is that what you want? The chances are he wants you as a bit on the side and he will drop you when he see's fit. I feel sorry for his girlfriend.
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    This isn't going anywhere - I don't mean to be harsh but if he really liked you he'd dump his girlfriend. You're never going to feel better about this because you're never going to be his number one priority so it's best to dump him as soon as possible. I know it's hard, but it doesn't sound like it's much fun being in a relationship you know can't go anywhere either.
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    I feel sorry for his girlfriend too. I just can't let go that easily cos I feel so infatuated, and I can't at this moment imagine meeting any other guy, like it feels like I might never get a boyfriend and that's part of the reason I hang onto him.
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    If he treats his girlfriend like this, then he'll treat you the same (or even worse.) Even if he did dump his girlfriend to be with you, could you ever fully trust him? It may seem hard but you'd be better off ditching him. In time you'll get over him and meet someone else who can actually be with you.
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    I don't wish to be harsh, but here we go. To be frank you sound rather selfish. Just imagine the pain his current girlfriend will be in when she finds out he's been cheating on her, and it is a matter of when, she'll find out soon enough.

    As the above poster mentioned this guy has very little morals allowing himself to put you into this position (though he's not entirely to blame) and to hurt his girlfriend like this. There's no trust in either relationship and it's time both of you (yourself and his current girlfriend) realize this and move on.
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    cheating is wrong.
    • #2
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    Sorry for posting anon. I am in exactly the same situation, and I know it sucks. It makes me rally sad too. And I don't know what to do! The same happened with me, he never told me he had a girlfriend, so I fell for him and then someone tells me he is with someone. I know this doesn't really help you at all :confused: Just know you aren't the only one in this position =(
    When I read your post it looked exactly like I had written it!
    xx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel sorry for his girlfriend too. I just can't let go that easily cos I feel so infatuated, and I can't at this moment imagine meeting any other guy, like it feels like I might never get a boyfriend and that's part of the reason I hang onto him.
    I know that feeling but it's really not fair on his girlfriend. I was in a similar situation twice. One was with a guy I was in love with for several years and he never knew. I came so close to telling him and then he got a girlfriend and I never did. I'm still not fully over it but it does get easier.

    If he's not left his girlfriend then there's probably no chance that he ever will. And why should he be able to be in a proper relationship and mess around with you whilst you never get what you really want?
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    (Original post by Rennie)
    I know that feeling but it's really not fair on his girlfriend. I was in a similar situation twice. One was with a guy I was in love with for several years and he never knew. I came so close to telling him and then he got a girlfriend and I never did. I'm still not fully over it but it does get easier.

    If he's not left his girlfriend then there's probably no chance that he ever will. And why should he be able to be in a proper relationship and mess around with you whilst you never get what you really want?

    I guess when you put it like that it does seem really unfair on me not to mention his girlfriend. I suppose also if I tell him that I don't want to see him anymore then that will give me a better chance of actually getting a proper boyfriend, it must be confusing for guys thinking, hmm is he her boyfriend when he isn't.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess when you put it like that it does seem really unfair on me not to mention his girlfriend. I suppose also if I tell him that I don't want to see him anymore then that will give me a better chance of actually getting a proper boyfriend, it must be confusing for guys thinking, hmm is he her boyfriend when he isn't.
    That's exactly what you need to do, you need to stop seeing him ASAP. And find someone who doesn't see your body as an easy piece of meat. I hope his girlfriend finds someone better to.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've got a bit of a thing going with this guy I know, I fancy him so much and he fancies me loads too. The big snag is, he has a girlfriend so our relationship is very casual and really there doesn't look like there's a chance of it developing into anything deeper than a physical relationship. I thought I was ok with this but lately, I'm not sure why, but I find myself wishing that he was my boyfriend. He's really funny and cool and I like him so much. I feel quite sad about this whole situation, I mean obviously it's really mean to fool around with someone else's boyfriend but I'm so strongly attracted to him. At first, I had no idea that he had a girlfriend, he got friendly with me and I started to really like him and it was after that I found out the truth but I was already in too deep to give him up completely. I still wanted to see him so I told myself that I was fine with knowing that he only wanted a physical relationship but I'm really not. What can I do? I feel confused, I know that this whole thing is wrong but I don't know how I could ever wean myself off him, it's a major crush.


    The man isn't married, he's just going out with her so he has no real commitment or ties with her. Basically you're being used and you need to end it now and get yourself some self respect.

    Tell his girlfriend if possible.
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    (Original post by Timeslikethese)
    The man isn't married, he's just going out with her so he has no real commitment or ties with her. Basically you're being used and you need to end it now and get yourself some self respect.

    Tell his girlfriend if possible.

    Hehe it would be funny to tell his girlfriend, he'd be in so much trouble but she might be angry with me and anyway I really don't know her so she'd think it was weird if I randomly came up to her. From looking at this guys myspace account, I think his girlfriend might know about him being a bit of a cheater, she left a comment saying: well done for getting into university even if it does mean you'll be shagging all the girls there without me. That could have been a joke I suppose but also he has loads of myspace friends that are obviously tarts (judging from their profile pics). What a player...but he's so cute and he does make me feel nice, he says all the right things and he's good in bed. I know I need to ditch him and I will but it will be a bit hard.

    Well.... get a spine. He's just a bloke for goodness' sake. There are quite alot of them in the world, and not all of them are horrible in bed, contrary to popular belief.

    Buy yourself a vibrator and tell him where to go. I bet he wont flinch. He'll just go looking for the next fool.

    You don't love him, so let it go.
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    (Original post by Timeslikethese)
    The man isn't married, he's just going out with her so he has no real commitment or ties with her. Basically you're being used and you need to end it now and get yourself some self respect.

    Tell his girlfriend if possible.
    Damn right :rolleyes: exactly (OP) was i thinking much the same well really!! :p:
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    when i was with my ex, i was kind of fooling around with someone ( though only like flirting lots and kissed a lil ) and i thort that i wudnt dump my ex for him.......

    i did actully end splitting up with him and now im with the person i was messing around with and am still with him 2 years later!
    he had to wait a few months however until me an my ex split up

    i think u should speak to him and ask him what he wants and maybe eventually u could be together, but i wouldnt expect it immediately
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    (Original post by Timeslikethese)
    you're being used and you need to end it now and get yourself some self respect.
    Seconded!

    Plus, the OP states that she fears she won't "get" a boyfriend besides this man. She'll just make herself get used and used until she grows some self-esteem and figures out the purpose of healthy relationships.
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    if he'd cheat on her i doubt he'd have any problem cheating on you if you did end up together
    are you really happy being a bit on the side then if you do get together constantly worrying he'd be off with another girl?
    he obviously cant be trusted
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    You can't have everything you want. Toughen up.
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    (Original post by hang_your_heart)
    This isn't going anywhere - I don't mean to be harsh but if he really liked you he'd dump his girlfriend. You're never going to feel better about this because you're never going to be his number one priority so it's best to dump him as soon as possible. I know it's hard, but it doesn't sound like it's much fun being in a relationship you know can't go anywhere either.
    I couldn’t agree more.
 
 
 
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