cheating with ex

I think i'd rather be told the truth than going on hoilday while being strung along.

Reply 22

Dinoceros

12

Personally, I would see it as stringing him long: also, you're basically in the process of cheating on him, which is never a good thing. If you go on the holiday and he thinks everything is great (you said yourself he thinks you love him, not the 'not so ex'), then when you break it off when you get home, he'll be even angrier for lying to him: you will have been cheating on him for a MONTH! Then an extra week for the holiday. You have cheated, and are continuing to do so, and he deserves the truth: you have to face up to the consequences of your actions; if you lose money, or he's pissed off because somebody loses out on some money, that's something you have to deal with at the price of being with who you love. Don't lie to him anymore, and tell him the truth.

Good luck x

Reply 23

Dinoceros

12

Soryr to repost :smile:

But somebody linked the post where you said the ex, who you now think you want to be with, had just dumped you. And I read it, and something struck me. In it, you said something like: "And I had spent the weekend before all this at his, and he kept telling me he loved me loads and loads, and now he's suddenly fallen out of love with me."

If you go on the holiday, this is exactly what YOU will be doing to somebody else. If you didnt like being told one minute that he loves you, then he doesnt, then please dont do the same to this new boyfriend.

Byeeee! :biggrin:

x

Reply 24

well i think my bf has noticed im being off with him so maybe he'll just dump me...i mean he rang me 2 ask 2 see me 4 an hour or so 2 go 4 a walk so that we can talk...hmm.

Reply 25

XK-louX

well i think my bf has noticed im being off with him so maybe he'll just dump me...i mean he rang me 2 ask 2 see me 4 an hour or so 2 go 4 a walk so that we can talk...hmm.

Well maybe use this opportunity to say it's not working out, but don't run off to your ex, it will only make things much worse.

Reply 26

Zoecb

If you can't guarantee that the money won't be lost, you have a responsibility to go. It is not 'stringing him along', it is you still deciding. Besides, if I was gonna get dumped, I'd rather have a holiday first, get some nice memories in before it all ends.

thats how i see it...cos i havent completely decided what im doing yet.

also, becca0770 u have a good point there, but thats why iv started being off with him now. I'm not going to pretend things are really great.

Rock Fan...

"Well maybe use this opportunity to say it's not working out, but don't run off to your ex, it will only make things much worse."

maybe thats a good idea but he's going to want a proper explanation.

I just rang my ex and told him im not seeing him till iv finished with this guy for good so im not 'continuously' cheating. it happened once and isnt going to happen again.

Reply 27

Just tell him you are not ready for a relationship, he will be hurt but least he can find someone else. No offence but Zoe is so wrong, this is stringing him along.

Reply 28

greeneggs

Ignorance is bliss.

Yes, cheating is a nasty thing to do, but you've done it now, so you'd better do whats best for your current boyfriend. If you were paying for all of the holiday yourself then I'd say "tell him now and cut your losses" but the fact of the matter is that he is also paying. He has invested £300 in your relationship.

Let him have his holiday. Don't mope or be depressed or offish when you are away. Get your moneys work. More importantly, let him get his moneys worth.

Then, when you get back, tell him that you really enjoy spending time with him, but you no longer wish to be romantically involved.

What's worse: Losing your girlfriend, or losing your girlfriend AND £300 worth of holiday?
You should wait until after the holiday so that he loses less. In the mean time though, do not see your ex. If he doesn't wait for you, then he's not worth it. And you not being able to wait for him is no excuse. You made the mess, you're just gonna have to stick at it, and clear it up when the time is right.

xx.
e.

Reply 29

emmajcunningham

Ignorance is bliss.

Yes, cheating is a nasty thing to do, but you've done it now, so you'd better do whats best for your current boyfriend. If you were paying for all of the holiday yourself then I'd say "tell him now and cut your losses" but the fact of the matter is that he is also paying. He has invested £300 in your relationship.

Let him have his holiday. Don't mope or be depressed or offish when you are away. Get your moneys work. More importantly, let him get his moneys worth.

Then, when you get back, tell him that you really enjoy spending time with him, but you no longer wish to be romantically involved.

What's worse: Losing your girlfriend, or losing your girlfriend AND £300 worth of holiday?
You should wait until after the holiday so that he loses less. In the mean time though, do not see your ex. If he doesn't wait for you, then he's not worth it. And you not being able to wait for him is no excuse. You made the mess, you're just gonna have to stick at it, and clear it up when the time is right.

xx.
e.

thats exactly what i had in mind.

Reply 30

Sticky

XK-louX

and yes, £300 is important...exactly.

I'm sorry but I don't understand some people's obsessive reasoning with money. No, it's not £300. You lost the £300 the day you bought the holiday, not the day you choose not to go on the holiday. The 300 pounds are gone no matter how you look at it.

What you're losing is a holiday. To be honest, you're REALLY going to screw things up with your ex if you go on this holiday. Is there a serious chance you will get back with your ex or is he just messing around with you because his pride was touched? Of course it would be a shame to end things with this guy only to realise you're not really getting back with your ex.

As for the money part, my reasoning would not be: "300 pounds, **** that's a lot of money" but "what value does this holiday have for me now?". In your shoes, a holiday where I would have to lie and be fake is worth nothing now.

Think about it: I don't know how intimate you are with your boyfriend but what are you going to do if you do go on holiday? Avoid any kind of physical contact for a week? If you do go and your ex is like any other red-blooded male, he's not going to be happy about the fact that you were getting back together and then you went back to your ex and was intimate with him. I know for a fact that I would be seriously put off by that kind of attitude. It would give me the impression of a girl who is totally prepared to kiss a guy or even sleep with him if it allows her to get what she wants (in your case, a holiday).

Reply 31

Sticky

emmajcunningham

Then, when you get back, tell him that you really enjoy spending time with him, but you no longer wish to be romantically involved.

And for a week, she should be romantically involved with him?

This kind of thinking really worries me...

Reply 32

Dinoceros

12

Plus the holiday isn't for another month, if I remember the post correctly. OP, you said you're being off with him? What a great attitude "So maybe he'll dump me." Hmmmm, I personally say "Grow a pair and tell him the truth." Gah, sexual politics. If this was a guy stringing along a girl, he would have been cyber-maimed by now.

x

Reply 33

Apricot Fairy

16

I think you should finish with both guys and be single for a while. Your ex sounds like trouble, your current boyfriend sounds like he's too nice to deserve this treatment, and you sound like you're not really mature enough for a relationship anyway. Go to uni single, and concentrate on yourself. Hopefully you will become mature enough to recognise the right person when he comes along.

Reply 34

greeneggs

Sticky

And for a week, she should be romantically involved with him?

This kind of thinking really worries me...

Fair enough, if she can't handle that then she should either give him her ticket so he can take someone else or buy his ticket from him. I just think that it's unfair that he loses out any more than he already will.
And anyway, I assume she already has been romantically involved with him whilst she's been thinking about how much she still loves her ex. From what she's said, she never stopped loving him. What difference is a bit longer going to be? She created the mess, she should have to deal with it.

Apricot Fairy

I think you should finish with both guys and be single for a while. Your ex sounds like trouble, your current boyfriend sounds like he's too nice to deserve this treatment, and you sound like you're not really mature enough for a relationship anyway. Go to uni single, and concentrate on yourself. Hopefully you will become mature enough to recognise the right person when he comes along.

Also, I don't think there is enough evidence to judge whether or not these guys are nice or trouble. The whole "Leave them both" line is too cliche to be applied to every "I'm cheating on my partner" situation.

xx
e.

Reply 35

greeneggs

Whoever neg repped me is a coward.
I haven't said anything offensive, and if you are that offended by anything, then I'm sorry, but sign your name so I know who to apologise to. Otherwise it just looks bitter and pathetic.

Emma.

Reply 36

emmajcunningham

Also, I don't think there is enough evidence to judge whether or not these guys are nice or trouble. The whole "Leave them both" line is too cliche to be applied to every "I'm cheating on my partner" situation.

To be honest, she isn't happy with this current guy so there is no point staying with him at the same time this other guy didn't exactly treat her well not to mention all other girls as well so I don't think it would be ideal for her to go back to him, especially so soon if she does finish with this other guy.

Not sure why someone negged you though.

Reply 37

basically me n my bf broke up last night. he didnt speak 2 me for the whole night then asked me why i wasnt speaking to him! he said he didnt love me either then changed his mind and said he loves me and is heartbroken.
We've been together on/off for about a month only.
my ex asked me out when he found out but im not doing anything with him for about a month.
and as for the hol...dont think i can get any1 2 go with me and he said he doesnt want to go with any1 else so i guess we lost it.

Reply 38

geordiebabehh

your ex hurt you and now that ur with someone else he wishes he didnt end it, my ex done exactly the same.

I really think you shud forget bout your ex if you can because if he really did love you he wouldnt have got with another girl a few days after ending it with you.

talk to your current boyfriend and tell him you've been having doubts about the relationship and you 2 will go on holiday but see how things go when you get back.

you never no, you could have a great time on holiday but i think you have been quite sly and your ex is sly too. x

Reply 39