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How to get in with a group of people
This is anon as there are people I know on here, mods if it can't be anon please delete the thread.
Basically Ive been going to a netball club in London for about 8 years and still feel embarrased to talk to people and can't call anyone my friend. They will all be having a conversation, about 3 or 4 people and, feeling stupid, I just walk round the hall reading the walls. I know they all think im odd but it will be even strange if after not properly talking to them for all this time I suddenly join in a conversation. Whats the best way to be more social? I do talk to people when they are alone or when they are talking about something I know of but most of the time im really quiet and they have said that. Theres also this lad who says he doesn't understand me and that im weird, didn't say it in a nasty way, and he sometims stares and starts laughing so im trying to be as normal as I can. It doesn't help that Ive never worn netball shorts or a skirt I always wear pants even in red hot summer when everyone is dressed normal im just embarrased to suddenly change. If I just join in a conversation though would it be a bit odd and pushy, after being quiet all these years?
Basically Ive been going to a netball club in London for about 8 years and still feel embarrased to talk to people and can't call anyone my friend. They will all be having a conversation, about 3 or 4 people and, feeling stupid, I just walk round the hall reading the walls. I know they all think im odd but it will be even strange if after not properly talking to them for all this time I suddenly join in a conversation. Whats the best way to be more social? I do talk to people when they are alone or when they are talking about something I know of but most of the time im really quiet and they have said that. Theres also this lad who says he doesn't understand me and that im weird, didn't say it in a nasty way, and he sometims stares and starts laughing so im trying to be as normal as I can. It doesn't help that Ive never worn netball shorts or a skirt I always wear pants even in red hot summer when everyone is dressed normal im just embarrased to suddenly change. If I just join in a conversation though would it be a bit odd and pushy, after being quiet all these years?
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Whats so special about these people? You don't need to "get in" with them. If they are not your friends well then just leave them to it.
well I want to keep going but feel uncomfortable when im there, like I feel like a loser (cause i am lol) just standing there and can relate to a lot of things they say but it will sound weird if I suddenly tell them, they don't know me and im not cool enough lol but want to be. Basically.
Why do you keep going to the same place as them? Being cool is not always the best thing, you can't force them to like you.
Its my netball team
Just start a convo with one of them! Arrive a bit early and start chatting to the other person who's there and don't move away as other people arrive.
sweetface.
Whats so special about these people? You don't need to "get in" with them. If they are not your friends well then just leave them to it.
What kinda advice is that...She's been with this group of people for 8 years and doesn't talk to them so I think she's right to want to start. And OP I don't think you mean you want to be cool because you're a loser, that's a bit over the top ain't it?
My advice would be to initiate something like going to the park after your netball classes and then just sit about and talk for a bit. Just say you've got time to kill, and you'd want to know if the rest of them wanted to just chill out for a while. Or even stay back and sit together for a while.
hang_your_heart
Just start a convo with one of them! Arrive a bit early and start chatting to the other person who's there and don't move away as other people arrive.
I usually do with one person but we only ask questions like when did you get here, then other people come and start talking and joking and I get lost for words lol, I don't understand most of what they are joking about etc they are too witty. Or maybe Im too busy worrying about looking stupid
Thanks I'l do what you said though.AntiLearner
What kinda advice is that...She's been with this group of people for 8 years and doesn't talk to them so I think she's right to want to start. And OP I don't think you mean you want to be cool because you're a loser, that's a bit over the top ain't it?
My advice would be to initiate something like going to the park after your netball classes and then just sit about and talk for a bit. Just say you've got time to kill, and you'd want to know if the rest of them wanted to just chill out for a while. Or even stay back and sit together for a while.
My advice would be to initiate something like going to the park after your netball classes and then just sit about and talk for a bit. Just say you've got time to kill, and you'd want to know if the rest of them wanted to just chill out for a while. Or even stay back and sit together for a while.
Yeh thats a good idea, I know this sounds stupid but im wondering if height comes into it as im only 5ft1 and most of them are 5ft 11 and over 6ft, but then height doesn't normally affect things like this so its got to be my severe lack of social skills. Im just wondering what they would think if after 8 years of being really quiet started talking.
If they do bring up that you've suddenly decided to hang around with them, just be honest; say you thought it was awkward that you didn't talk to them when you've been playing together for years. They'll probably like you more for it, but only tell them if they ask, otherwise you'll probably make them feel uncomfortable.
And height shouldn't come into it. I'm only 5'6 I think, and most of my friends are around 6'0. I'm male, it shouldn't be any different for you but I don't know.
And height shouldn't come into it. I'm only 5'6 I think, and most of my friends are around 6'0. I'm male, it shouldn't be any different for you but I don't know.
it will be even strange if after not properly talking to them for all this time I suddenly join in a conversation.
Of course it will be strange, but that's ultimately inevitable - you just have to work up the courage to just go out and go against how you have been in the past. I know that is ridiculously easier said than done, but the more courage you have, the better things will work out.
Thanks, I doubt they will bring it up, Im just wondering what they will think lol.
Well, you are part of a netball team, so talk about netball stuff. Easier said then done, I know.
I can relate because I used to be part of a cricket team and it was all good until I was too old for under16s and I moved into the mens team and I knew absolutely no-one. Everyone was a lot older (about 10-20 yrs older) and it was just a bit intimidating.
I think my advice would be to try and enjoy yourself playing netball. When I play basketball with random people I just talk to them about the game, tactics, make fun of their missed shot and basically stuff like that. Just relax and enjoy playing the game first, and try not be too quiet on the court also.
You said you talk to them individually and I'd recommend that you keep doing this. Hopefully by relaxing more you'll start talking to them more about the game, and also social stuff they do outside netball.
I think you just have to try and break the barrier between you and the rest of the people there gradually.
And I know every I said is easier said then done, but I don't think there is anything someone could say that would be an instant fix. It will be tough making the first move, initiating conversation or joining in a conversation but you need to try and get past that because if you do then you will feel a lot better about yourself afterwards.
I can relate because I used to be part of a cricket team and it was all good until I was too old for under16s and I moved into the mens team and I knew absolutely no-one. Everyone was a lot older (about 10-20 yrs older) and it was just a bit intimidating.
I think my advice would be to try and enjoy yourself playing netball. When I play basketball with random people I just talk to them about the game, tactics, make fun of their missed shot and basically stuff like that. Just relax and enjoy playing the game first, and try not be too quiet on the court also.
You said you talk to them individually and I'd recommend that you keep doing this. Hopefully by relaxing more you'll start talking to them more about the game, and also social stuff they do outside netball.
I think you just have to try and break the barrier between you and the rest of the people there gradually.
And I know every I said is easier said then done, but I don't think there is anything someone could say that would be an instant fix. It will be tough making the first move, initiating conversation or joining in a conversation but you need to try and get past that because if you do then you will feel a lot better about yourself afterwards.
Hey thanks, yea they are older than me some 4 years and others are up to 9 years older, but then if the players who are 4 years older talk to the ones who are 9 years older age can't matter too much for them lol. Your right I suppose there is no other way than to make an effort and suddenly start talking.
Avalanche's idea might make this easier but I think streaky sun tan lotion would make me look insane lol.
Avalanche's idea might make this easier but I think streaky sun tan lotion would make me look insane lol.
try talking to some of them individually like you are doing now, maybe get to know one or two people a little bit better by talking to them regularly and then try joining them when they're in a group. I know it might sound easier then it will be, but don't force things it won't do you any good. Just be yourself and try to make the best of it 
uh what the hell, I didn't type that post!!! I think someones being stupid claiming to be me. Anyway I'l try and get to know them gradually and try not to worry about what they are thinking.
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