Do I say anything?

Hello there,

my brother has a girlfriend who is very clingy, I mean very, she gets upset and emotional when he doesnt reply on msn in about 10 secconds. So extreme that she phoned the house twice. This happens nightly, and he is made to phone (costing us about £15 a night) in phone bills alone, (thank god for cheap deals otherwise were really buggered :p:

).
On myspace, she posts bullitens about how she is upset she may not see my brother today, even though she only lives about a street away (5 mins walk if your drunk).

My brother thinks this is how a relationship should be, and doesnt realise how she is controlling him, leading him to avoid his mates (otherwise she cries for hours on the phone).
I want to help him understand that this is not good in a relationship, but half of me wants to tell him so he knows and can do something, the other half wants me to do nothing as he has to learn himself, but this would cause him more pain in the end. Arg.

Do I tell him this? he seems to be unaware. I would ask some opinions if possible. I am posting this anon as both he and she uses this site.

Many thanks :smile:

Reply 1

Dinoceros

12

Yeah, maybe you could mention something. How old are they? Without offending anybody here, if they, or just she, is about 14, or 15, then I'd maybe leave it. We all know what we're like at that age! :biggrin:

Also, how long have they been together? Because if it's still the honeymoon period, then maybe he actually doesn't mind....? Finally, if it were me, and I decided to talk to my brother about it, I'd start off with the phone bills. This way it looks like a genuine concern, about money, as opposed to "Your girlfriend's a freak!". Then, he might start cutting down on calls to her, which might give the gf a bit of distance and independence. How do you gauge HIS feelings for her? Does he seem to not mind calling her every night and all the other stuff you described?

x

Reply 2

Adhsur

15

I don't think you should be interfering like this. It's really insensitive for a sister who doesn't even understand the situation - know the girlfriend well or know the relationship - to comment. Obviously he knows what's going on better than you do, to feel otherwise is a bit silly.

Reply 3

Angelil

19

^^ That's a bit extreme, any sane person would think the situation is all a bit odd and be worried, especially with a family member being involved. Sorry, Adhsur, but normal relationships aren't like that and the OP has the right to be worried. They haven't interfered (yet) anyway.

OP, I think becca's advice is good and that you should follow that. Otherwise keep tabs on the situation and don't say anything unless it becomes more serious. This may well just be a phase that will pass in time anyway.

Reply 4

username47781

20

Not being horrible maybe they are both like 14 as someone said further up. Maybe just tell him he should not do everything she says to him. A controlling relationship is no fun trust me, i've been there.

Reply 5

Tyler Durden

17

Anonymous

Hello there,

my brother has a girlfriend who is very clingy, I mean very, she gets upset and emotional when he doesnt reply on msn in about 10 secconds. So extreme that she phoned the house twice. This happens nightly, and he is made to phone (costing us about £15 a night) in phone bills alone, (thank god for cheap deals otherwise were really buggered :p:

).
On myspace, she posts bullitens about how she is upset she may not see my brother today, even though she only lives about a street away (5 mins walk if your drunk).

My brother thinks this is how a relationship should be, and doesnt realise how she is controlling him, leading him to avoid his mates (otherwise she cries for hours on the phone).
I want to help him understand that this is not good in a relationship, but half of me wants to tell him so he knows and can do something, the other half wants me to do nothing as he has to learn himself, but this would cause him more pain in the end. Arg.

Do I tell him this? he seems to be unaware. I would ask some opinions if possible. I am posting this anon as both he and she uses this site.

Many thanks :smile:

You should maybe have a chat with him because it's not normal and she does sound like a total fruitcake. But remember that it's going to be very difficult to make him see sense; loved up people are rarely rational. Maybe a bit of reverse psychology would work.

Reply 6

I_am_the_mob

1

I might subtlely mention it if he thinks it is normal.
If he liked it then it's up to him but he could be stuck like that forever if he doesn't know any better
I love a guy with a girlfriend similar to this and because it's his first girlfriend and none of his mates are in relationships he thinks it's normal :frown:

Maybe you could strike up a conversation about how you dislike clingy girls and hint that the behaviour she is exhibiting is inappropriate, or just flat out ask him whether it bothers him

Do I say anything?

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