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Afraid to get involved
I'm single, 19 and never had a boyfriend.
But I have been asked out by a couple of guys that I've turned down I think its because I'm very independant and am afraid to get involved with someone. Also I guess Its because i don't really feel attracted to them and the guys I do like dont seem to show any interest at all.
I've been gradually building high my self esteem and confidence, so it may be down to me being afraid that i will get taken advantage of and having high standards of myself and others?
I'm not really sure- Any advice people?
But I have been asked out by a couple of guys that I've turned down I think its because I'm very independant and am afraid to get involved with someone. Also I guess Its because i don't really feel attracted to them and the guys I do like dont seem to show any interest at all.
I've been gradually building high my self esteem and confidence, so it may be down to me being afraid that i will get taken advantage of and having high standards of myself and others?
I'm not really sure- Any advice people?
Reply 1
Don't go out with people you don't want to go out with, it only ends in heartbreak for one or both of you. That aside - maybe you're looking for someone perfect, someone who'll just slot nicely into your life with no changes necessary, but that's not how relationships work. Relationships are about compromise.
There'll more than likely be someone out there who you like who likes you back. You may not be perfect for each other, but it'll build your experience and your self-confidence. Other than that, I'm not sure what we can say. What kind of advice are you looking for?
There'll more than likely be someone out there who you like who likes you back. You may not be perfect for each other, but it'll build your experience and your self-confidence. Other than that, I'm not sure what we can say. What kind of advice are you looking for?
Reply 2
hmm you sounds lke you jusy haven't met the right guys. There's no point in dating someone you're not attracted to..What you explained wasn't much about insecurity at all. There is nothing wrong with being single or liking independance, there's no rule saying we have to be in a relationship.
Reply 3
I would say just wait for the right guy to be your boyfriend. But it wouldn't hurt for you to go on a couple dates to test the waters a little. He could be Mr. Right. At least give him a chance then make your decision to actually go out with him or not.
Reply 4
Sounds familiar, OP.
I'm 19 and I'm a pretty independent person who, up until a month ago, had never been in a relationship. Not really sure why, but I guess it never really appealed or anything. It's not something I really bothered about much - sometimes I felt a bit lonely when seeing mates in relationships but on the hole I was content and independent.
My self-esteem issues didn't really help me much either - I got into the mindframe that I wasn't attractive and was 'safer' alone (I don't really trust many people). Didn't really know how to respond when a guy - friend of a friend who I'd only met earlier that evening - started putting the moves on me in the middle of a club. Was a bit bowled over, but agreed to meet him for a drink the next day. Not because I liked him back *that* much at the time, but because I figured I didn't want to pass up any more opportunities. Wanted to see how it went, had nothing to lose. A month on, and we're together - still early days, owing to the fact that I left uni for hols a day after I met him and am flitting between 2 cities in my spare time - but I'm glad I gave it the chance. It doesn't have to damage your independence if you don't want it to. Am still determined no guy will 'clip my wings'. I've a job that isn't exactly the safest in the world - requires a bit of resilience and courage - and I think he knows I wouldn't give it up.
So yeah, go on a few dates, see what happens. Let it build your self esteem to know that guys who ask you out are interested and do find something attractive in you, even if you don't see it yourself.
I'm 19 and I'm a pretty independent person who, up until a month ago, had never been in a relationship. Not really sure why, but I guess it never really appealed or anything. It's not something I really bothered about much - sometimes I felt a bit lonely when seeing mates in relationships but on the hole I was content and independent.
My self-esteem issues didn't really help me much either - I got into the mindframe that I wasn't attractive and was 'safer' alone (I don't really trust many people). Didn't really know how to respond when a guy - friend of a friend who I'd only met earlier that evening - started putting the moves on me in the middle of a club. Was a bit bowled over, but agreed to meet him for a drink the next day. Not because I liked him back *that* much at the time, but because I figured I didn't want to pass up any more opportunities. Wanted to see how it went, had nothing to lose. A month on, and we're together - still early days, owing to the fact that I left uni for hols a day after I met him and am flitting between 2 cities in my spare time - but I'm glad I gave it the chance. It doesn't have to damage your independence if you don't want it to. Am still determined no guy will 'clip my wings'. I've a job that isn't exactly the safest in the world - requires a bit of resilience and courage - and I think he knows I wouldn't give it up.
So yeah, go on a few dates, see what happens. Let it build your self esteem to know that guys who ask you out are interested and do find something attractive in you, even if you don't see it yourself.
Reply 5
blackswan
hmm you sounds lke you jusy haven't met the right guys. There's no point in dating someone you're not attracted to..What you explained wasn't much about insecurity at all. There is nothing wrong with being single or liking independance, there's no rule saying we have to be in a relationship.
^I agree.
You don't have to settle for anybody, just seems like you haven't met the right guy yet.
Reply 6
Wow you sound just like my friend! She does that too and then moans to me about her she can't get guys she likes (my best mates) Just give those guys who will date you a chance. You can just go out with them for the fun of it.
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